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Monday, August 25, 2008

Ida Hariati Hashim ON SALE!

Ida is on SALE. Now who wants to be me? I want to shift to other premise. Looking for something plain and calm. Ingat senang ke nak jadi Ida Hariati Hashim? Bila tak senyum orang kata sombong, bila senyum orang ingat suggesting something naughty. When I am friendly, people'll call me flirtatious. People always get the wrong message about me. Sigh..Now where's my bar of chocolates? Chocolates won't complain about you nor try to judge you. Sigh..

Saturday, August 23, 2008

About Friendship..

I love Latin, was reading a book on it and found this word of wisdom that reads, "amicus certus in re incerta cemitur", I think it can be translated to English as 'a true friend is discerned during an uncertain matter'. The uncertainty here means during adversaries or difficult times.

Indeed, I believe this is true. In life, one will encounter dozens of fair-weather friends. But who are these people, surely we do not know. It is not good to judge your friends-no one likes to be judged, anyway.

To look at things positively, losing a friendship that seems to have gone wrong is not a matter to lament at. At least now one knows that the relationship was not based on trust, thus not a healthy one. But it is rather unfortunate to have someone claiming to be the shoulder to cry on but later shirks from the trust given.

Sometimes you will find comfort in strangers, not friends. As it is easier to talk to someone you have no love for. Or perhaps things are better kept within? Let your woes perish with your soul as the Earth consumes your flesh as you are resting in peace in your grave. Perhaps that is the safest way, for this life is full of vultures and wolves. One dies a premature death when his pride is tarnished.

My friends, true friends..near or far. I thank thee for the your time and patience with me. Please forgive me for all the ills that I have caused. I mean no harm. I mean no harm.

P/S: My love to Lyana Mauseth for being my confidante..nothing compares to you, darling!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Varium et Mutabile Semper Femina

Is this true? So if women are capricious, is that a sure sign of weakness? What about those who fail to read or understand us, the weaklings? What do we make of them? Our superiors?

Don't want to write. Don't want to talk. I just want to read..and..read..and..read.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

This poem has never failed to inspire me about making wise decisions in life. At this moment, I am on the verge of making a decision that will chart the course of my life. Ya Allah give me Thy guidance for I am in despair.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A Tribute to Mama

"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding"

I was working on an important paper at work today when suddenly I received a call from my daughter's school. Sarah was on the line complaining about her being feverish. She added that she has been coughing and vomitting. Oh yes, her head was spinning too. Then, with her ever so sweet childish voice she whimpered, "Mummy, can I go home and rest?". At that moment, anger almost consumed me. You see, my full concentration on this piece of work which I have been procrastinating to complete, was shattered by that call. The deadline is tomorrow noon and I am in deep trouble. So blankly, I told Sarah to go to the sick bay and rest, as Mummy is very busy at work. Besides, I was waiting for my lesson periods with the Form Sixers. We are going to do something fun during class today.

Then I requested to speak to the teacher in charge. As I was talking to the teacher, I heard my baby girl in a coughing fit on the background. I paused. Hell, what have I done? My baby just S.O.Sed me and I declined to take heed? How cold hearted I could be to my own daughter! My Mama was never like this, even though she was hundred times busier than I am now. She might have been thousands of miles away from me, but she would never decline if I needed help or attention.

As I was driving to fetch Sarah from school, the thought of my Mama was with me....(Mariah Carey's latest hit, Bye Bye was on the background)..

Dear Mama, I was exactly Sarah's age when I used to call you several times complaining about my headache, runny nose and sore throat. Then you would never fail to pick me up at school immediately you received my calls. The truth is Mama, I was not really sick. I just needed to be at home as school was so disappointing. I know you know the motive of my false calls, but you have never disappointed me. Instead, it was I who's always make you down. I know you have had a bumpy ride in your endeavours making me who I am now.

Those heart wrenching arguements and unnecessary worries that I have caused you. Still your love for me never tarnishes. Indeed it is true that a father may turn his back on his child; brothers and sisters may become enemies; husbands may desert their wives and wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all; in good repute, in bad repute, in the face of the world's condemnation, a mother still loves on, and still hopes that her child may turn from his evil ways, and repent; still she remembers the infant smiles that once filled her bosom with rapture, the merry laugh, the joyful shout of his childhood, the opening promise of his youth; and she can never be brought to think him all unworthy. I am a mother like you now, I understand the pains and joys of motherhood. I am still learning about life, you know I always learn the hard way. I appreciate your strenght and unconditional love..Maramin Salamat, Ginquye Barzo, Terima Kasih Mama..

Sarah is standing next to me now. Pleading me to let her go skating with friends in the yard. I said I thought she is not well. She gigled childishly and announced, "It was just a runny nose because I felt chill in the classroom as the fan was spinning at top speed..". Indeed, she learns from the best, I am her Mummy.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


Pictures I took during my sleepless night...


When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind,
think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.

I embrace the title and am proud to bear it !!!!

B = Babe I = In T = Total C = Control Of H = Herself
B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C= Charming H = Hell Of A Woman
B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything

Sleeplessly in Love

Goodness..it is almost 2 a.m and I still cannot sleep. For no obvious reasons, nowadays sleeping seems to be difficult for me to do. I have lots of things on my mind, I have been doing lots of thinking..about the past, present and future. I cherish my past, rather confuse with my present, thus my future seems blurry. During the sleepless nights I have been tossing and turning trying to get some sleep, but my mind seems to keep on running..and running..and running.

I envy my hubby who has no problem dozing off. For so many nights I have been staring at his face in the darkness of our love nest, wondering if he is dreaming of me. I love this man with all my heart, I am truly grateful to him. How I wish I could peacefully be in slumber too and dream of him, being deeply in love with me.

What is love? Is it something that is only achieved through so much pain? Can it last for ever? Will it fade away as time goes by? Can one be out of love? Can one leave without it?

I have read somewhere, before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves, but after that it becomes a different story. I wonder why is it so? This requires an explaination on the true manifestation of love after the honeymoon is over. I was told love alone cannot cement a marriage. At this phase, respect and trust become the main ingredients for a happy marriage. Yeah, but what about passion? Where has the passion gone after all these years? The big question is that how to remain passionately in love with your partner after going through so many ups and downs together? Can we say familiarity between spouses weeds out passion? Can a marriage survive with only respect and trust but no passion? Everything has become numb.

Gosh..I am still not sleepy..I still have so many things on my mind but simply do not know how to weave them into words. Anyway, who would ever want to listen me. Other women are busy solving their problems with their men and other men are busy causing problems to their women. Still life goes on for me. Just hold on girl..every cloud has a silver lining. Better pretend to sleep now, don't want to have dark circles or crow's feet under my eyes.