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Friday, September 4, 2009

Did I Marry the Right Person?

This is a very good article (got this from a friend). Those who are still single may learn something from here.Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship .


During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?' Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love.. Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It will NEVER just happen to you. You cannot 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable.. you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling. Remember this always: 'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

Here are some jokes that I hope would tickle you silly..:-)

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

*****Enjoy your weekends, folks*******

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Cerita tentang RM200

I shall write this entry in Malay with a hint of Rawa here and there.

Sebenarnya banyak cerita yang saya ingin abadikan dalam blog ini. Macam-macam kisah, ada yang boleh dijadikan teladan dan ada juga yang boleh membuatkan anda berasa hairan lantas bertanya, "What the hell is wrong with this woman?" or dalam loghat Perak, "Ape ke he pompuan ni?".

Malangnya, untuk sekian lama saya tidak berkarya di sini. Ini kerana, saya percaya banyak detik isi hati saya telah saya salurkan dengan berkongsi secara lisan dengan sahabat-sahabat karib saya. Saya berasa senang sekali apabila mendapat respon secara ikhlas dan spontan daripada rakan-rakan yang saya amat percayai. Saya berasa hidup ini amat sempurna apabila dapat berkongsi suka dan duka bersama mereka, walaupun hanya melalui Yahoo Messenger, Facebook dan telefon. Justeru itu, saya menemui jalan buntu apabila hati ingin menulis tentang pengalaman saya yang telah saya lalui sejak kebelakangan ini.

Saya berasa amat bersalah kerana sekarang kurang melawat blog-blog rakan blogger yang lain, ada cerita yang saya tertinggal. Maafkan saya, bukan saya lupakan anda semua tetapi saya amat kesuntukan masa untuk aktif berblog seperti dahulu.

Baiklah, saya berdusta sebentar tadi, bukan masa yang mencemburui saya, sebenarnya saya sekarang lebih gemar menyendiri atau bersosial secara 'anti- sosial' di Facebook. Saya faham ini amat menyedihkan kerana saya telah menidakkan peluang untuk berjumpa dan melepak dengan kawan-kawan, tetapi apa boleh buat. Kekadang saya merasakan perjumpaan di alam maya lebih selamat kerana jika bersua-muka kemungkinan besar boleh menyebabkan salah sangka oleh pelbagai pihak. Tambahan lagi, orang yang kita rapat di Facebook dan Yahoo Messenger kemungkinan besar adalah seorang yang kurang disenangi secara peribadi. Namun Alhamdulillah, setakat ini mereka yang saya kenal secara atas talian (termasuklah yang sudah lebih sedekad saya kenal), tidak pernah menghampakan saya. Malah, saya amat berterima kasih kerana dapat bersua-muka dengan mereka ini.

Sejak kebelakangan ini juga, fikiran saya sering kali melayang entah ke mana. Mungkin ini adalah sebab banyak perkara yang saya fikirkan di benak fikiran ini. Pernah suatu ketika dulu, lebih sebulan yang lalu, semasa saya terlampau teruja menerima jemputan ke Perjumpaan Blogger di The Lake Club (terima kasih kepada Kak Teh kerana sudi menjemput dan Hajah Puteri Kama serta Pak Abu sebagai tuan rumah yang budiman), saya hanya memikirkan untuk membeli baju baru untuk ke Majlis tersebut. Keinginan ini bukanlah suatu perkara baru kerana memang sudah menjadi kebiasaan (yang buruk) saya untuk berpakaian baru apabila ke Majlis-majlis yang saya kira penting. Secara jujur saya akui mengidap sejenis penyakit yang tidak suka dilihat berpakaian yang sama untuk lebih daripada sekali (Tuhen to Maha Kayo, nasib baek laki ako buken Perdano Mentori Mesia!).

Dalam waktu yang sama pada masa itu, saya juga memikirkan untuk menempah 'business card' . Sekali lagi minda saya disarangi oleh idea-idea rekaan kad yang terkini. Oleh itu, bertemankan Benjamin yang sungguh aktif bak lipas kudung, saya ke Ampang Point untuk menempah 'business card', membeli baju baru dan membeli belah untuk jamuan Hari Lahir bapa mertua saya. Semuanya perlu diselesaikan pada hari yang sama.

Selesai menempah kad, saya terus ke mesin ATM untuk mengeluarkan sedikit wang. Benjamin seperti biasa, berlari-lari di persekitaran antara mesin ATM dan Restoran Tarbush. Saya terus menekan butang sambil mata melirik ke arah Benjamin. Akhirnya, transaksi saya diterima lantas saya menyimpan semula kad ke dalam dompet. Sebenarnya saya berasa amat bersalah pada waktu itu kerana telah sekali lagi mengeluarkan wang padahal baru semalam sudah dibekalkan beberapa ratus Ringgit oleh suami saya yang murah hati. Tetapi, gila nak bergaya punya pasal, ku pendam perasaan bersalah tersebut.

Saya membimbing tangan kecil Benjamin untuk terus melangkah ke tingkat atas Ampang Point, tetapi perjalanan kami terhenti kerana saya terpanggil untuk membeli coklat berjenama yang dijual murah di lobi. Selesai membayar, saya terus ke ekskelator, beg yang dijinjing semakin bertambah, lantas saya terlepas Benjamin dari pegangan saya. Ya Allah, saya cukup panik, sambil memujuknya untuk naik ke atas perlahan-lahan. Nasib baik ada seorang yang budiman membantu. Saya berasa sungguh bersalah pada ketika itu, kenapalah saya tidak dapat fokus sepenuhnya pada keselamatan Ben?

Sesampai di butik, saya terus membelek-belek baju yang berkenan di hati, Alhamdulillah sudah jumpa. Saya minta pendapat Ben, katanya, "Cantik la, mummy", jadi saya pilih yang hitam ini. Hitam itu menawan, sebenarnya hitam adalah warna yang paling selamat kerana dapat menutup segala lemak-lemak di badan. Hahahaha..

Sementara menunggu proses pembayaran, saya membuka kotak coklat untuk berkongsi dengan pekerja di butik tersebut. Mungkin ada yang merasakan ini adalah melampau, tetapi memang saya tidak keberatan untuk berkongsi makanan walaupun dengan orang yang tidak saya kenali. Kenapa? Saya tidak pasti mengapa, tetapi saya berasa puas jika dapat memberi sesuatu kepada orang lain, walaupun benda itu kecik, maklumlah saya bukannya kaya -raya. Berbalik kepada cerita tadi, semasa hendak mengeluarkan wang untuk membayar harga baju tersebut, saya kaget apabila menyelak dompet saya. Alamak! Mana perginya wang RM200 yang telah saya keluarkan tadi? Nasib baik, dalam dompet ada wang yang cukup untuk melunaskan harga baju tersebut. Dengan secepat kilat, saya terus ke mesin ATM. Ya Allah! I withdrew my money, took the card and receipt but left the money at the machine. My goodness, how dumb I could be?

Dengan muka yang tebal, saya bertanya mereka yang berdekatan dengan tempat tersebut, ada yang mencadangkan supaya saya ke Pejabat Pegawai Keselamatan untuk melihat rakaman CCTV. Oleh itu, saya menurut sahaja. Pada resit tertera wang telah dikeluarkan pada pukul 11:37 pagi, benar saya dapat lihat diri saya menoleh sana-sini mencari Benjamin semasa wang dikeluarkan. Saya saksikan juga apabila kad dan resit diambil tetapi saya terus beredar. Siapa yang mengambil wang saya, juga dapat saya kesan. Tidak sangka, orang kita tidak jujur, saya nampak wajah gadis yang tersengih-sengih mengambil wang saya tersebut. Tetapi, saya halalkan, mungkin bukan rezeki saya.

Saya tidak berani untuk berkongsi pangalaman ini dengan suami, takut nanti dikatakan cuai, dan saya cukup benci dipanggil cuai atau lembab. Saya akui kekurangan saya, oleh itu tidak perlu ingatkan saya tentangnya. Semasa itu, hati kecil berkata-kata, "ya Allah sesungguhnya ini adalah salah diriku sendiri yang terlampau ikutkan hati, jika aku pandai bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada, nescaya ini semua tidak akan terjadi, aku redha dengan kehilangan itu kerana wang ringgit bukan paksi hidupku (maklumlah semalam baru balik ESQ!)".

Lima minit kemudian, suami tercinta menelefon, katanya, "Sayang, you tolong beli birthday kek untuk bapak kat Secret Recipe, I will bank in RM200 now." Saya tersenyum lebar, walaupun tidak dapat balik RM200 sepenuhnya, saya dapat kembali separuh daripada wang saya yang hilang. Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang terselindung.

Saya berjanji akan lebih fokus di masa akan datang. Saya tidak mahu lagi digelar "otak bak pinballs" oleh seorang sahabat yang menjadi orang pertama mengetahui tentang kecuaian saya ini. Oleh itu, saya perlu lebih banyak menulis untuk mencurahkan isi hati dan fikiran saya, rasanya sudah tidak sanggup untuk berfikir tentang bermacam-macam benda. Saya ingin tenang.

In the closet

No..no I am not talking about myself. But a few nights ago I believe I heard someone crying in the dark. No, it was not me, as I usually do my crying silently within.

In between the sobs I could hear a muffled speech. Yes, I was eaves dropping for I wanted to know what went wrong. I believe I knew what was it all about, I could gather the clues even by listening to the faintest conversation exchanged.

It was the maid. Perhaps she has had a tough time talking to her beau. I could judge from the very short intervals between the sobs, she was dealing with something so intense, perhaps something that bruised her tender heart.

I figured she wanted to scream and shout just to state her point, but what could she do, she definite did not want to make a scene. But I know where she was that night. The usual spot for crying her heart out. In the closet of her room.

Breaking up is never easy for women. I do not know about guys, perhaps they do not get hurt that much. For they have their pride and ego to shield the pain. Well, I might be wrong. I should have not generalize things like that, though have spoken to men who were devastated due to failed relationships, still in general they did not succumb themselves to sadness.

The things we do to face break ups. What did I do? Yes, I cried on the phone, in the shower, in my sleep. In fact had no strength to even look at his picture. It was more hurting when the other party gave you the silent treatment. I have always wondered how two people who had been in love opted not to talk to each other. So no more friends because the spark has died out?

I told my maid to move on. Just do not expect too much from the guy. If an attempt was made to start a casual conversation but was turned down unceremoniously, then heck it. He ain't worth it. Perhaps he had a valid reason for keeping mum, but I believe it is very impolite to simply ignore someone who has been apart of you, no matter how much pain you are enduring.

I wonder why some people are simply not forgiving. You demand explanation from others, but then you fail to give others the chance to be heard. I explained to the maid that this was just part and parcel of being in love. Love is bitter sweet. It feels like you are being ramped by a bus and then later ran down by a cho cho train. Still, you make yourself susceptible to it. Why? Because love makes you high, worst than what opium can do to you.

Well, that was what I told my maid. Frankly, I do not know how I would have reacted if it was my daughter who was crying in the darkness of the closet. Would I tell her to ignore the pain because love makes you a true woman? Perhaps I will have a different set of explanation for her. Maybe I should share with her the tale of my heartaches. Nah, mine is pretty tragic.

This is not my story, I did not do my crying in the closet. But as for the rest shared above, I could only wish it was not mine.