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Friday, September 4, 2009

Did I Marry the Right Person?

This is a very good article (got this from a friend). Those who are still single may learn something from here.Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship .


During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?' Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love.. Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It will NEVER just happen to you. You cannot 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable.. you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling. Remember this always: 'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

Here are some jokes that I hope would tickle you silly..:-)

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

*****Enjoy your weekends, folks*******


mamasita said...

O Ida!! I love the display of jokes..I've heard one or two but the rest are new to me! Thank youu!!

MrsNordin said...

Tough question!

But I think, you'll know if you've married the right person if you can picture yourself growing old together. And it makes you feel good.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Datin Mama,

The jokes are hilarious, right..Hahaha..so true!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


Yup, true that! I know I got meself the right one, even though I have never imagined myself being old. But my significant other always talks about us being old together..hmmm..(now I know why)

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Ah, well, it is only right that this question be asked. After all, it isn't like there is only one person in the whole world who can love us. We abide by the one we have chosen out of choice, because of this assurance that after all that has been mucked through, we are still standing for each other. marriages aren't meant to be smooth sailing for the forging of the blade cannot be without the fire. We become better persons because of the other who has stuck with us, and thence, we are bound.

Zendra said...

It takes two hands to clap, I'd say. A marriage may seem to be working if say the wife decides to love the one she's got, but she's being short-changed if the partner is not similarly inclined.

Lyana Mauseth said...


i suka jokes tu...betul kan...*sigh*

when we got married, itulah jodoh kita, betul ke tak betul ke, itulah dia takdir jodoh kita, yg terbaik utk kita...:D

Anonymous said...

Ida.... I am still trying to answer THAT question! hahaha

FdausAmad said...

gua nak ajak lu melepak di blog gua.Rilek Rilek.

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim, kucing ray yg alim.

Saya fikir Ida adalah seorang isteri dan kawan yg baik, kata Pak Malim sambil menuju ke Janda Baik. Anda sangat prihatin dan pandai mengambil hati, kata Pak Malim sambil naik pedati.

ahusain said...

Hi Ida, nice to know you. There are those who are lucky enough to get the right person the first time and there those who have to go through life lesson to find the right person. I agree with MrsN, if you think you can live with your better half, when they have lost all their "luster" then you are on the right track. I also agree that marriage need a lot of work, in all departments. To fall in love is very easy, to stay in love, is a feat in it self. But when you love what you do, it is a great day through and through.

Anonymous said...

How about this one from Zsa Zsa Gabor? She says, "A man isn't complete until he is married; once he is married, he's FINISHED!"

And another one from Ms Gabor: "I'm a good house keeper. Every time I get divorced, I keep the house!"

Yes, ma'am. I am A Zsa Zsa Gabor fan.

Sir Pök Déng said...

Thanks for the education. :D


Hi Ida..greeting from Deen in Golden Sand (Pasir Mas). I am amateur artist and Kama bought one of my painting ~ Buah Seto Tok Ma~ Have nice day and welcome to my gallery Heritage Art Gallery in Pasis Mas.