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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I am Not Afraid to Cry

Sob..sob..I was moved to tears when reciting my do'a this evening. It has been such a long time since the last time I gave myself a good cry. Honestly speaking, the last time I did was on that fateful night when Allah decided to teach me a good lesson. He has taught me how I ought to learn to be faithful and thankful to the one who has sacrificed his past, future and present for me.
I was just being selfish, did not know what I was looking for. I kept telling others to let go of the past, but in reality I was the one who was holding on to it. This has its repercussions, of which bitterness I am learning to swallow. It ended rather abruptly, but I am facing it like any other woman should do..cry, when there is a need to.

My absence from this little space I proudly call 'my scented blog' (hahaha) is, I hope I will be forgiven, intentional. I have been abstaining myself from scribbling down my thoughts for I fear that words would fail to describe the contents of my heart. I have been away from my fellow bloggers, yes, I truly miss all of you, please do not chuck me out from your hearts.

As to why the waterworks today?

I was just very happy. I am blessed. I did not know how to respond to such warmness I felt within me, so I cried. I could not contain my emotions so it just overflowed. I was alone in the surau (prayer room) for the Zohor prayers right after lunch today, I just felt that God has given me so much even though I have not been greateful for His generosity. So I cried.

I know I should have shared this with you earlier, but dear friends, I have found myself a new job, or rather, I must confess, it found me. It happened so quickly that even till now I have to pinch myself just to make sure that I am not dreaming. I must thank a friend who has given me the chance to explore this field. It has been more than a month already and I believe I am learning fast, hence loving the job.

If you are wondering what I am up to now. I am a copywriter. Surpringly, I write copies for English and Malay. So you can imagine the magnitude of the task I am shouldering. Indeed, the deadlines are pressing, but I am coping well. Yes, I have to work extra hours, but so far so good. Hubby has been very supportive even though there were times when he grumbled, but of course I have to play my cards right. I still cook for the family for I know hubby loathes eating out.

Whenever I am home late and start apologizing, he would ask me if I was happy with what I am doing now. Of course I would say 'yes', and he would smile.

That is why I am blessed.

At the same time today, just before prayers, I thought of my parents. I am very happy for them for they are performing their Hajj this year. Alhamdulillah, mama and ayah are lucky for they managed to get clearance for the trip effortlessly. I envy them actually, as I too, am longing to prostrate before the Ka'abah. God willing, I will perform my Umrah soon.

At work, I am surrounded by talented people who have no fear in using the nastiest terms to describe their emotions, but I know they mean no harm. They are just trying to be emotionally fit to survive. I am a cry baby, but I am learning too, luckily so far none of them have heard me cursing anything that walks the earth. I prefer to do my left and right cursing within me, but would be happily doing my boo hooing on your shoulders. Why? I do not know.

When the feeling is simply undescribable, I would just cry.

20 comments:

Shahieda said...

*HUGS*

Ameen to your duas my darling!! May the Almighty grant your parents a Haj Maqbool, Mabroor Insha-Allah Ameen!!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Tq Shaheda..:-). May Allah protects you and your loved ones too.

somuffins said...

Good luck to you.. (tssk..tssk.. I'm still a fan of yours :-)

naili said...

cry ur heart out. once dried, cry some more. and be happy afterwards. god bless!

NanaDJ said...

Ida,
I was wondering why you have been so quiet.
Congratulations! So you have a new job now, alhamdulillah. You will do well of that I am sure. Don't be afraid to cry, I read somewhere that:

When you cry upon a pillow
Or tears fall down a cheek
It's just emotions overflowing
Not a sign of being weak

Hope you feel better now and may Allah makbulkan all your duas.

Salam.

gEe said...

well said Ida, as always....
wish u all the best..i was a bit surprised when u keep updating ur FB wall with wats going on in the office or what not thingy..sometimes it looks like u are under pressure..but knowing that u are actually happy, syukurlah..i doa yg terbaik for you..

Puteri's territory said...

Hey Ida, welcome back. I'm so happy to see you back in this blogsphere.

Great that life has been good to you. But I think the company is more lucky to get you as their employee. Take care and keep on posting!

tireless mom said...

Congrats on the new job. I know you are passionate about writing, so happy loving it!

jaflam said...

It's ok to cry, what more for good reasons. All the best in your new job, soon you be writing for a living.

Lyana Mauseth said...

ive been crying a lot too lately...i think im going tru baby stage again :(

Kitchen Guardian said...

alhamdulillah!

Mimi said...

Am happy for u :)..best of luck in ur new venture..

DrSam said...

Welcome back into this colorful blogosphere and congratulation on your new but very interesting playing ground. May your wish to perform umrah will be granted soon.

p/s: I cried too, especially when reciting the verses or listening to beautifully recited verses. I touches me so deeply. I guess my heart is becoming very 'soft' nowadays.

Kama said...

Salam Ida
Glad to see you back in blogsphere. Happier still to know you are in a new job doing what you love the most - creative writing. Copywriting isn't the easiest job in the world but I know you have what it takes to express yourself exceptionally well. Part of my job today is translating agency copy (ads, scripts and stuffs)... maybe our paths will cross soon ..

Semoga your parents selamat pergi dan kembali, semoga mendapat haji mabrur, semoga Allah buka ruang untuk Ida pergi umrah secepat mungkin, semoga aman disisi suami dan anak2. Amin.

madam gold said...

Salam Ida,
Congratulations on the new job.Hope you enjoy each working day.
I used to cry a lot too in those days. It helped to release some bottled up feelings in you, and it feels real good after that.

Hopefully Allah will grant all your doas...

lenzaidi said...

The nature of work as a copywriter may feed your intelligence faculty heheh but Im afraid being a cry baby may not jive with the 'left and right' cursing work culture you are in.If that happen brace yourself Ida, you are on the chosen track.All the best.

Shubhangi said...

First of all congregates.Looks pretty sweet. pretty good post.


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Menangis sewaktu berdoa...tapi kena juga tutup aurat (bukan hanya pakai tudung).

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