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Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Dear Readers,

So the big day is here again..I wish all of you, near or far, Eid Mubarak. May you'll be showered with Allah Almighty's blessings forever.

Now, I am not an angel. I might have said or done something that might have hurt you. I don't steal from others or lie to them, but I know that I have said (or written) some things that might hurt you. Well, I was just being honest to the contents of my heart..the truth is bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

For the past few months, I have experienced a number of interesting (and dramatic) events that actually have given some impacts on my life. I regard them as precious lessons and guidelines that no teacher in this world could teach in any classroom. I just smile upon the challenges that I have to face.

I embrace the moments and memories with friends and strangers who have spent their precious time with me. Indeed, I have learnt so many things from the interactions. I regret that certain things have to be put to an end. Nothing kasts forever though.

So with this, I would like to wish all of you Eid Mubarak. It has been a pleasure having all of you in my life. Merci. Au Revoir.

Ida Hariati Hashim

Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Road Not Taken..again!

I appreciate the space given to me by my loved ones..But now I feel guilty. I feel that my kids do not share the values that I conceive. They are more like my maid. My eldest daugther, especially. Sarah tends to speak like the maid, starts to have interest in trashy Indon soap operas (oh puhleas!), dresses up like her and even talks back to me! I am hurt and so damn worried. Have I been neglecting her?

Yes, I have more time with my hubby, but what about the kids? Goodness...I feel like a stranger here..everybody speak Sabahan dialect here (hubby and maid are Sabahans) but when they are talking to me, why do they have to switch to 'bahasa Semenanjung'. Even I tend to use Sabahan terms in my daily conversation..OMG!

I am in this dilemma again. I think I wanna quit working. I want to concerntrate on my family's well being. God sent me here to this world to be the strength of this family. How am I to play my role if I am giving my all for my career? I am so tired of jugggling things here. I know I can go far in my career, but what about my kids? Yes, it is true that I have given life to 4 kids and that ain't easy..but what have I done to make them respectable humans (kemenjadian)?

I am giving my best to teach other people's kids but are others doing their best to teach mine? I do not think I could see any satisfactory results. I am thinking of quiting my work and get my kids out of this weakening education system. It is so unfair if kids are given merit based on their academic performance..how many A's the kid gets. What about their inherent talents? It is such a waste if one's talents are not polished. It is like being in total denial to God's gift. Not appreciating God's generosity confered upon you.

I am planning to homeschool my kids..Sarah and Adam needs help. I know I have to discipline myself so that they won't be wasted. My hubby has no objections. He thinks it is a good idea. But he is doubtful of my patience being a homemaker. He knows that if I stay at home, I'll go bonkers, and he'll be the 'canvas' for me to throw splashes of red anger due to total boredom. Evil me. Poor guy.

I really have to decide now as the year is coming to an end. Money, according to my hubby is not an issue. But I know I cannot go on a shopping spree like there is no tomorrow. Yes, I can still buy nice stuff, but purchasing them will be subjected to his approval. This is because he will be the Exchequer to the family. Hmm..can I tolerate this?

Let me just study this notion strand by strand. It needs careful planning. I love my kids and I am not happy with the status quo. I want my kids to have my values, not of others'. I do not want to pass the burden of educating my kids to others. Anyway, I believe having them is not a burden, rather a duty that I, as a responsible mother have to shoulder.

This will be the road less taken by others. The hell with others anyway. They are not the ones answerable to God when asked about the well-being of my kids. I know I can do lots of things at home. I still generate income from home...

Don't know why..but I believe God has given me so many signs to the path that I should take. Someone used to give me some sort of a decision making formula, but too bad I've lost it. I believe it has got something to do with maths..gee I hate maths. Well, I have to make a wise decision soon...God please help me!

Monday, September 22, 2008

You gain nothing if your EGO is bigger than your head..

At last, I managed to convince my hubby to take me to White Horse for me to purchase the tiles. We made a pact, actually, he made me buy grocesseries right after work, as an exchange for my kind gesture (as I was so damn exhausted today), he promised to take me to the shop even though he was down with fever.

On the way there he did not utter a word (a sure sign he was piss), but it didn't bother me. Usually, I'll complain about him keeping his silence in my presence, as I regard that as a sign of dishonour..but just now my pride was not an issue. No..Len darling, I did not talk about the birds or anything else (the technique I learnt from your goodself) just to kill the silence. I have learnt that by suppressing one's ego, one can actually gain a lot. Men are just like babies, you give them candy and swallow your pride a little, they'll start droolling..(I hope my hubby the sensei will not read this or he'll know my tricks..hahahha). I love you, sayang..that's not a trick!

Well, I came, I saw and I conquered the tiles of my liking. The bill? Not much. Now the next move is to get the kitchens ready..I can't wait.

Yesterday, I spent the whole day painting my kids' rooms. I'm satisfied that I did it my own (well, my hubby helped a lot, actually). We are yet to complete installing the cornices, the wardrobes..hah lot of things to do.

I went to work without my heart today..I know it will remain like that till the whole ordeal of homemaking is complete. I think of it before I go to bed and the first thing in the morning. Am I sick?

To conclude, I know that I have to be very patient with people around me now, if I want to fulfill my dreams. There are times that these people tend to get on my nerves (like the guy who installed the grilles..lousy work!). I know I have to be patient, this is all about teamwork. I will try my best not to boss around especially when dealing with my hubby. I will gain nothing if my ego exceeds my womanly wits.

So I have to keep my fingers cross, let's pray that everything would be alright..but I just can't wait..hehehe.

Friday, September 19, 2008

My Heart Leaps Up When I Behold..

..2 slices of the best chocolate cheese cake ever! Goodness, this is orgasmic ecstacy! Well, almost. Actually, at this moment, I have lots of things to do. But I just need a break.

They are all sleeping peacefully, and I'm still here..trying to figure out how to start dozing off. sigh. Here I go again..'One sheep, two sheep, three sheep...".

So, I went to YM to check out if my girlfriend, Lyana was online. I forgot to make myself invisible, and..oui la...half a dozen friends said 'hi'..hmmmm. Decided to be generous and responded. Glad I did so as tonight, I've learnt some new things. Firstly, I managed to patch things up with an old friend I used to hurt. Secondly, found a person who is willing to fix my wet kitchen at a very reasonable price. Sometimes it is rewarding to just say 'hi' to people you have been trying to keep a distance from. Anyway, why shut yourself up from others? I have no problem appreciating other people's kind gestures.

Well, I want to reflect on the interesting conversations I had just now..but I am just too sleepy..Perhaps I'll write something here tomorrow. I doubt it, though. Lately I've been kinda busy with the new place that my hubby and I, have been trying painstakingly to make a home. Well, now that I've been liberated from being religiously available online since less than a month ago, (hahahahah very funny), my conscience is crystal clear.

Ok..better sleep now..tomorrow will be a big day, I just hope the Ikea guys would deliver my kitchen on time, for what is a woman without her kitchen! Muah..muah to all. Au Revoir..

Monday, September 8, 2008

New Blog on the Block

Hey there..wow it has been a long time since the last time I've written something here, sorry kinda busy juggling things in my life. Anyway, I am working on my new blog at the moment. This one has a different tone and format all together. The address is www.chalkntalk.wordpress.com, so from its name, one could predict what kinda of issues my blog caters. Yeah, it will talk about education and other things related to it. I will also try to link it to useful sites on English language lessons and others, I believe this would be useful for students, teachers and parents. So see you there!

p/s: This Scent of a Woman blog is still relevant, so do expect more postings coming right up..