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Friday, August 14, 2009

I am not a Perfect Person

I am not a perfect person and I do not intend to conceal my imperfections. I am not proud of my shortcomings, but I am learning to live with them. I am learning to accept that I am special because I am imperfect, that I am not trying to be who I am not.

There are issues in my life that I simply cannot share with you, for I believe you might not want to understand my imperfections perfectly. I have been honest to you about myself, perhaps that is just too much for you to handle. But why did not you put a halt to it before we become US?

Blame me, try to break me. I will stand tall for God has created me for a purpose. I am not insignificant. I might be confused and emotional sometimes, but I am never unworthy. And of course, the way I was brought up has nothing to do with my shortcomings. I am who I am, my being is the product of my reflections on life. I am a woman. I perceive things with an open heart, my eyes might deceive me.

Forgive me. I have wronged you. Don't hate me.

This silence is killing me, if that is what you want, then yes, I am dying. I shall go.

Perhaps that will make you happy.

"Here lies a simpleton who spent all of her life trying to accept her imperfections perfectly. But no one cared."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Of the Birds and the Bees

Ben has learned a new word yesterday. The word is PENIS. Instead of calling it "cuckoo bird" or "winkie" or worst, in Malay, *&@#, I decided to teach him the exact name for I am quite disturbed seeing him toying it lately. Ben is only 3.

Just the other day, I overheard Adam making comparison of his genitals to Ben's. Ben, being 5 years Adam's junior might not comprehend that his brother was belittling him. Well, I understand for the male species, no matter how young and inexperienced they are, that thing down south is a matter of pride and dignity. It is manhood. Perhaps a woman may shatter a man's ego by saying things like "use your finger, it is better" or "is it in already?". Well, I will surely get in trouble for being bold here, but a woman too has her rights to express her views based on her observation, right?

No, I am not suggesting anything here, but you may speculate, though.

Are men crotch driven creatures? I personally think that all the ills in the world would be eliminated if only men try to 'regulate' their secondary core of consciousness located at the groins. We sometimes blame money, power and women as the causes of human sufferings, little did we know that all these worldly goals mentioned serve men's desire. However, I am not going to elaborate on that issue here.

Actually, I am pretty much troubled by a friend's experience living with an obvious crotch driven husband. Not only this man is abusive to her and the kids, he is also a self-centred ningkampoo who enjoys watching porn till the wee hours of the morning, in the comfort of the media room a.k.a "The Love Dent". And where will the wife be? Sleeping alone in the other room burning the pillows with her tears.

I wonder what men seek to fulfill by watching some ill-moraled people humping each other? Perhaps they simply cannot see that by watching porn, they are fanning the trade for prostitution, child pornography and sex slavery. Talk about living in a civilised world, are we so damn civilised that we find porn a great past time?

Perhaps what upsets me most is to learn that my friend's 13 year old son has one day suggested to his younger sister to experiment the scenes of the 'movies' that their father enjoys watching. You see, this is the man who makes no effort to hide away his extensive collection of pornography from the kids. In fact, he gives them bonus by simply leaving the CD that he was watching the other night before in the player, perhaps this is his form of sex education for his little ones.

Now can you see how damaging it could be to the kids? No wonder incest is no more a strange issue in our country. How are we going to build our future if our young ones only have porn in their minds? Of course, sex is NOT a dirty thing, it is the only means for humanity to maintain its existence on Earth. But capturing sexual activities to capitalize on something is inhumane.

I used to deal with some male students who were charged smuggling pornographic CDs to school. I did not scold them for I knew they were just curious. Thus, in my effort to counsel them, I asked if they were used of watching porn at home with their family members. With eyes wide opened perhaps surprised by my frankness, they gave me a negative answer.

"Well, I have the impression that your dad has suggested you to watch this movie with your friends because he has seen and approved it to be a great teaching aid for sex education", I explained. Blushed, they said, "No la, teacher, none of our parents knew about this". Imagine how heart broken parents could be if their kids are caught parading pornographic materials in school.

I am not an Angel. I have seen (not watched) porn. I have always wondered if it was fun to have so many people watching your wives, sisters or daughters in action in porn. I believe the actors and actresses of porn come from common families like any humans do. They are the wives, sisters and daughters of other fellow humans. So I wonder why do we practice some sort of double standard in regards to women? Why are our husbands, fathers, brothers and friends tend to be over protective of us, but at the same time enjoy watching porn actresses being handled like animals? Can one abuse one woman but be kind to another?

As to why I taught Benjamin the exact name to his genitals, it is because I do not want him to get confused of that little protruding thing down there. There is no baby name for it, thus he must be responsible of his actions in regards to it. Don't come to me blaming "cuckoo bird" for being mischievous, thinking that I would forgive it for it is still the little thing. No way Ben, that is your penis, you ought to learn what you can and cannot do with it. Treat it with respect no matter how young you are.

Now I shall leave you to enjoy an excellent speech on the Internet Cencorship by the great Tun Mahathir Mohamad. Support humanity!