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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Of the Birds and the Bees

Ben has learned a new word yesterday. The word is PENIS. Instead of calling it "cuckoo bird" or "winkie" or worst, in Malay, *&@#, I decided to teach him the exact name for I am quite disturbed seeing him toying it lately. Ben is only 3.

Just the other day, I overheard Adam making comparison of his genitals to Ben's. Ben, being 5 years Adam's junior might not comprehend that his brother was belittling him. Well, I understand for the male species, no matter how young and inexperienced they are, that thing down south is a matter of pride and dignity. It is manhood. Perhaps a woman may shatter a man's ego by saying things like "use your finger, it is better" or "is it in already?". Well, I will surely get in trouble for being bold here, but a woman too has her rights to express her views based on her observation, right?

No, I am not suggesting anything here, but you may speculate, though.

Are men crotch driven creatures? I personally think that all the ills in the world would be eliminated if only men try to 'regulate' their secondary core of consciousness located at the groins. We sometimes blame money, power and women as the causes of human sufferings, little did we know that all these worldly goals mentioned serve men's desire. However, I am not going to elaborate on that issue here.

Actually, I am pretty much troubled by a friend's experience living with an obvious crotch driven husband. Not only this man is abusive to her and the kids, he is also a self-centred ningkampoo who enjoys watching porn till the wee hours of the morning, in the comfort of the media room a.k.a "The Love Dent". And where will the wife be? Sleeping alone in the other room burning the pillows with her tears.

I wonder what men seek to fulfill by watching some ill-moraled people humping each other? Perhaps they simply cannot see that by watching porn, they are fanning the trade for prostitution, child pornography and sex slavery. Talk about living in a civilised world, are we so damn civilised that we find porn a great past time?

Perhaps what upsets me most is to learn that my friend's 13 year old son has one day suggested to his younger sister to experiment the scenes of the 'movies' that their father enjoys watching. You see, this is the man who makes no effort to hide away his extensive collection of pornography from the kids. In fact, he gives them bonus by simply leaving the CD that he was watching the other night before in the player, perhaps this is his form of sex education for his little ones.

Now can you see how damaging it could be to the kids? No wonder incest is no more a strange issue in our country. How are we going to build our future if our young ones only have porn in their minds? Of course, sex is NOT a dirty thing, it is the only means for humanity to maintain its existence on Earth. But capturing sexual activities to capitalize on something is inhumane.

I used to deal with some male students who were charged smuggling pornographic CDs to school. I did not scold them for I knew they were just curious. Thus, in my effort to counsel them, I asked if they were used of watching porn at home with their family members. With eyes wide opened perhaps surprised by my frankness, they gave me a negative answer.

"Well, I have the impression that your dad has suggested you to watch this movie with your friends because he has seen and approved it to be a great teaching aid for sex education", I explained. Blushed, they said, "No la, teacher, none of our parents knew about this". Imagine how heart broken parents could be if their kids are caught parading pornographic materials in school.

I am not an Angel. I have seen (not watched) porn. I have always wondered if it was fun to have so many people watching your wives, sisters or daughters in action in porn. I believe the actors and actresses of porn come from common families like any humans do. They are the wives, sisters and daughters of other fellow humans. So I wonder why do we practice some sort of double standard in regards to women? Why are our husbands, fathers, brothers and friends tend to be over protective of us, but at the same time enjoy watching porn actresses being handled like animals? Can one abuse one woman but be kind to another?

As to why I taught Benjamin the exact name to his genitals, it is because I do not want him to get confused of that little protruding thing down there. There is no baby name for it, thus he must be responsible of his actions in regards to it. Don't come to me blaming "cuckoo bird" for being mischievous, thinking that I would forgive it for it is still the little thing. No way Ben, that is your penis, you ought to learn what you can and cannot do with it. Treat it with respect no matter how young you are.

Now I shall leave you to enjoy an excellent speech on the Internet Cencorship by the great Tun Mahathir Mohamad. Support humanity!


tireless mom said...

Wow Ida... very daring entry.

Some men say watching pornos educate them, bu**s***! If I were the wife, I would feel insulted and tormented. As for the man who leaves his collection everywhere, burn him!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Yes Kak Yati, these fellas are sick. They don't give a damn if the wives feel slighted.

Sex education their arse. Our forefathers did not need porn to have a blissful married life.

QM said...

i so want a boy...
you've made it a bit easier now.
i freaked out everytime i think of these things

Zendra said...

Most men do so enjoy any talk about their appendages, even Tun M got his best laughs at that point in his speech...

I guess we can't stop boys for being curious, as they are by nature, but if we start them young at self-control and self-respect plus nurturing high moral values, they would recognise porn as one of things to keep away from.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


It is great to have boys, you know. But to think of the things they might pick up from friends, that's pretty scary.

You are a devoted mom, u'll do great even if you have dozens of boys..hehehe

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


Men will be men, of course, but to have them watching porn like it is oxygen for them, is ridiculous!

Yeah, one must start young in educating the boys and girls about all this.

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim, kucing ray yg alim.

Ida, saya tak tahu la, nak komen, kata Pak Malim sambil duduk atas simen. Cuma saya nak kata, saya suka lagu Ben yg Ida pasang, kata Pak Malim sambil memakai keronsang. Saya suka lagu, tu, sebab saya, takde kawan, kata Pak Malim sambil meminum teh secawan.

Lyana Mauseth said...

ida, this is nothing new...it is sickening to know that there are still people enjoying watching this...and now they have animals porn too...i know a wife whose husband is addicted to animal porn...sooo kesian...

about ben...hmmmm...well, odin and emil also start to compare themselves lah...pening kepala i...

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lyana,

What kind of sickness is that for a man to enjoy watching animal porn. Astagfirullahalazimm...I doakan supaya org tu sedar and wife serta anak2 dia dilindungi Allah.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Pak Malim Kucing Ray yang Alim,

Saya pun suka lagu Ben MJ itu, kata Ida sambil makan putu.

Saya sedih bila mengenangkan anak-anak yang diberi pendedahan tidak sihat macam ini, keluh Ida yang bersembunyi belakang guni.

Semoga Tuhan lindungi mereka selalu.

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

Disclaimer: any phallic descriptions herein contained are not attempts to pun and any resemlance thereto is purely coaccidental.

There will always be a dividing line between men and women when it comes to this. I fail to understand it, and worse, I hate to assign blame on the hardwiring of the species.

But the truth is, there is nasty and ugly porn and there is also beautiful porn, depending on what your fare is.

I must admit, there is beauty in the human form to be seen and appreciated there, and some tenderness. Then there is also a load of exaggeration and depravity. It appears to me that porn, like any other matter of human production, has no linear explanation nor justification. White slavery or no, trafficking or child abuse, forced labour or voluntary acting, pornography is embedded in every society, drawing more attention for the induced illicitness we provide it.

We do not all become perverts for the watching. As a growing boy, when having watched the materiel, my conclusions were of relief..."So, that's all there is to the whole humping issue? Doesn't look like rocket science." My life moved on to other pursuits, and I appreciated women for the beautiful people God made them, and had no tendency towards seeing them as sex objects. Sex would be fine if and when it came along, and I would be patient till such time. Nothing to be proven till the right person turned up. I then believed as I do till today, that much more is made of it than should be.

Voicing it as a married man, makes it ever more a departure from the nature of sex in marriage. I wager I am no exception of a man in confessing that sex is great, but it remains an exclusive and induplicable expression of the manner in which we belong to another. Linking its sacredity to Olympian porn would be unfair in attmpting to label something that means many things to many people, based simply on the visual connection of form preceding purpose. What doesn't rock your boat may be sensual tsunami to someone else. Just be happy in finding someone who agrees to share the rocking of your boat, and allow others the right to the same.

I do not think that with the way the world turns, that I could possibly sheild my son and daughters from much of the misinformation carried in pornography. I do trust however, that they shall never be short of the wealth of testimony of our lives and our love, that my wife and I will be ever present to provide. In the end, should they elect to live differently form what we recommend, I should also have the grace to release them as adults, and pray that they do not hurt themselves too much.

Are we all crotch driven you ask, Ida?

Empirically, it would appear so.

I may have been extremely fortunate, but I have not been so driven as to think through the uro-genital tract. All the urges of puberty, I saw as a preparation for days to come where all this would find a place to belong, and not as questions to be answered before their time arrived. A time and place for everything will be provided, for as long as we allow matters to blossom with the coming of the seasons, and neither prematurely nor in false propriety.

I believe, in the end, the word here is (sshhhhh....Zen, Saya!!) Unclench.

Lyana Mauseth said...

ida, ank2nya dan ank2 tirinya dah byk kali kantoikan dia dgn pilem2 hina tu...

Desert Rose said...

Those are sickos la Ida, with a huge insecurity cap around their head, or dick head maybe , thinking of it alone make me nauseated.

Tranquility said...

Wow I can see a lot of anger here. Interesting, that you brought up this topic. I believe the parent (the father preferably) should teach the boy about this subject. Just before he looks up to his peers. When I was in Standard 1, I remember one day.. err maybe i better keep this to myself. :)

Saya... said...

Hi Ida...

hahaha..i love this:

(I personally think that all the ills in the world would be eliminated if only men try to 'regulate' their secondary core of consciousness located at the groins.)

I would think for most (jeffrey would be insulted if i say ALL) men, it was the PRIMARY core of consciousness?

hahaha...yeah, sad how the brother wants to experiment on the sister. That's what happens. Hey, we have schoolkids passing around porn (in which they are stars) in schools...scary tak? And when you see the girls faces, being mauled and pawed and "raped" by their friends (always group sex)...lagi takut...dok tergelak2 and in some...EXPRESSIONLESS.

The intimacy and beauty of sex as God created it is lost.

And also, some men tend to expect their wives to perform like the porn stars and expectations become false and ketidakpuasan reigns and finally, the men can only have sex alone with the DVD player.

Maybe one day he will just die there when he tries to insert his PENIS into the DVD inlet sebab dah tak tahan...

Hmmm..then we will have a fried one.

Shahieda said...

Hear, hear Ida!!

It is sad to see society disintegrating like it is. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful, spiritual experience within a marriage, that is something I have taught my kids from a young age.

All is not lost, I hope. With mothers, such as yourself, educating them would be our best bet.

If I might be so bold here to say that the media doesn't send positive attitudes with regards to the treating of women either. Have a look at the ads nowadays, to sell something (anything from a car to an IT magazine) just put up a pic of a hot bod and wala!! SOLD!!

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Cikgu Ida,

Isn’t PENIS such a big word for a 3year old to learn? What about little Pee-Pee, or little Willy? At that age, I’m only taught nursery rhymes like this;

I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my spout

When I get all steamed up
Hear me shout:
Tip me over
and pour me out!

I total agree with what Jeffrey had written and No SAYA, I don’t agree with your all / most men are like that, 2 out of 10 maybe.

Good post by the way.That's why u r a teacher & I'm not.

Have a good weekend to you.


edelweiss said...


i am with u on this...

some would say that porn is an art!! mangkuk hayunnnn sungguh!!

and some would even go the the extend of haveing s** with animal.

And now we have porn video games!! When asked, a boy aged 12 said that it was good...!!!

Apa nak jadik????

Desert Rose!! U remember S***** passing around the video tape in school?????

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Major,

Soft porn? Dear sir, porn will be porn. But if you are referring to Kamasutra, that's not porn. It is a form of art.

Yeah, everybody watch porn (generalising here), no big deal, but if it gets out of hand, and becomes some sort of an addiction, then that is sick.

You see, sir..if a young chap watches too much of porn (soft or hard), he would start to conjure up a perception that sex has to be like what he saw on TV. Then what if his partner is a far cry from the porn star he saw? I believe this would cause problems to the relationship.

You are a wise man, sir. You know your limits. But there are sickos out there who are too hooked on porn that they are unable to control themselves, thus posses threat to the family members.

Besides, to have your hubby enjoy watching porn rather than to render his service as a husband to his wife, from a married woman's point of view, is the biggest insult to the wife.

I wonder would men mind if their wives are more driven to watch porn rather than to serve him?

Women have desires to fulfill too.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Kak Eja,

Tu la dia punya thinking cap kot. Otak ada tak guna.

Heard of a sicko who enjoys watching his wife doing it with other men? It happened so where in Bukit Indah, Ampang (reported by Harian Metro, a few weeks ago). This husband would invite his friends to the house, get them to bang the wife, he watches, then joins in the threesome. Sick.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Dr. Tranquility,

How to tell the wide eyed kids about the birds and the bees, uh? Most of us acquire such knowledge through friends, but then, when we were going up, life was not as complicated as the present. Even the cartoon Transformers was all about robots, now we have the scantily clad Megan Fox to heat up the action..Now very different, you know.

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

Maybe we would know better which shelf to place porn on if we could finally see that sex is the language which expresses the manner in which we belong to someone rather than service, duty, role fulfilment or obligation.

When we see its relevance, all else is likewise irrelevant.

This is why it is important that we speak to our kids. Sex is still the manifestation of the love through which their very lives were conceived. Let them not be the inheritors of what we did not receive. They have questions. Legitimate ones. If we do not tell them, they will ask the less informed.

I appreciate the existence of perversity. Such is the laboratory of idleness, when curiosity has not been answered with tenderness, intimacy and respect, that based on the same exemplary principles, their own fledgling outlook be so moulded.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Saya,

Tq for visiting..

Rape cases among schoolkids..haiyo very scary la..

Men want their wives to be like porn star, then go marry the porn star terus la, why bother about having to start a family and maintaining a proper life? Go have sex 24/7 la, we see how 'kaput' his primary (coined from you) core of consciousness will be. Baru tau tinggi rendah langit!

I believe in the West they've already produced all these gadgets to serve men's desperation for sex. In fact, I heard in Japan, they have robots to serve this purpose. Buat la cari pasal, tgh in action tetiba kena short circuit baru tau. Cit!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Salam Shahieda,

True that! Even cartoons (remember Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) need to have a female sex symbol. Hey, take Transformers for example, wonder if the guys are awed by the special effects of the movie or are they drooling over Megan Fox boobs and long legs?

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hi Tommy,

Tq for visiting..

Penis isn't a big word. Better he learns it from me so that I could explain to him the do's and don'ts, rather than him picking it up from his peers.

BTW, why must me conceal the real name of such a vital instrument for humanity? The boy might get confused. Some parenting experts believe that by terming it accurately would encourage openness when parents are ready to teach the kids about sex.

Perhaps not all man are perverts, but they are hardcore ones who are threatening our women.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Edel,

Kesian to see the kids sharing porn CDs with their peers..Rosak pemikiran bebudak ni nanti..nauzubillah..

mamasita said...

Hai Ida..please read my NCWO entry. Nak gi tak? Email me please..hudaartdealer@yahoo.com
Thank you..

Mimi said...

omg...kesian kt anak2 dia, if the father want to see it, then at least berhati-hatilah sikit jgn sampai anak2 pun tertengok sekali...tiru-tiru tu yg bahye tu..nauzubillah..

Sukhi Nahir said...

Hi Ida Hariati Hashim!

First time reader of "The Scent...". Quite an intro but this statement..'you ought to learn what you can and cannot do with it'. Interesting..... If more guys actually learn that, then there will be fewer women shedding tears and bursting their hearts in pain in this world.

the witch's broo said...


how sad that your friend has a bastard for a husband, and who fathered her kids!

she should sum up enough courage to deal with him. seriously!

and he's dangerous.

on porn and men. i hate to hit you with this but, MOST men (and that's being so conservative) enjoy a good porn movie.

imagine that -- "a good porn" movie. whatever is that? ask the men.

we cringe when we watch or "see" porn. that's so normal. we're normal.
for us it is demeaning women to the the max. it is brutal.

but on your point about those porn stars reminding them of their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters....i really don't know. if men do think about that, then they won't be screwing prostitutes...some as young as 16 (in Thailand and elsewhere)
when you're fine watching porn, i think you've already psyched yourself to accept, gory and all the negative excessives.

cheers! meow!