Sleeplessly in Love

Goodness..it is almost 2 a.m and I still cannot sleep. For no obvious reasons, nowadays sleeping seems to be difficult for me to do. I have lots of things on my mind, I have been doing lots of thinking..about the past, present and future. I cherish my past, rather confuse with my present, thus my future seems blurry. During the sleepless nights I have been tossing and turning trying to get some sleep, but my mind seems to keep on running..and running..and running.

I envy my hubby who has no problem dozing off. For so many nights I have been staring at his face in the darkness of our love nest, wondering if he is dreaming of me. I love this man with all my heart, I am truly grateful to him. How I wish I could peacefully be in slumber too and dream of him, being deeply in love with me.

What is love? Is it something that is only achieved through so much pain? Can it last for ever? Will it fade away as time goes by? Can one be out of love? Can one leave without it?

I have read somewhere, before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves, but after that it becomes a different story. I wonder why is it so? This requires an explaination on the true manifestation of love after the honeymoon is over. I was told love alone cannot cement a marriage. At this phase, respect and trust become the main ingredients for a happy marriage. Yeah, but what about passion? Where has the passion gone after all these years? The big question is that how to remain passionately in love with your partner after going through so many ups and downs together? Can we say familiarity between spouses weeds out passion? Can a marriage survive with only respect and trust but no passion? Everything has become numb.

Gosh..I am still not sleepy..I still have so many things on my mind but simply do not know how to weave them into words. Anyway, who would ever want to listen me. Other women are busy solving their problems with their men and other men are busy causing problems to their women. Still life goes on for me. Just hold on girl..every cloud has a silver lining. Better pretend to sleep now, don't want to have dark circles or crow's feet under my eyes.