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Sunday, April 26, 2009

What is on My Hubby's Mind?

My hubby is not being his usual self of late. He does not talk that much, eats lesser and tosses and turns in his sleep. Last night, I heard him talking in his sleep even though what he was mumbbling about was incomprehensible. No, I listened very closely, luckily he did not mention any names (a woman's name, of course).

I notice, lately he prefers to keep silence. He wears a frown that sometimes makes me suspicious. I know he is in deep thought, but of what or who, I do not have a clue.

This morning, he gave me a deep stare, but hey..he was not looking at me, he was looking through me! This prompted me to dig out the truth.

"Sayang, is there anything on your mind?", I asked.

"Uh? No..".

OK..he gave me a typical masculine answer. I had to rephrase my question, I mean my question must not sound like a question (what?) or a statement that would shake his male ego.

"Well, I do not blame you for frowing and all. I know you are bogged down with your work. So, how is the progress of your paper for the seminar in Iran? Poor you. You have been working so hard, iye la..4 times in a week your will train Aikido after work. I cannot blame you for the mood swings you are experiencing now. If you want to share anything with me, I am all ears..".

There is a Malay saying that reads, "tarik rambut di dalam tepung kena berhati-hati, jangan sampai rambut putus atau tepung bertaburan". I am a firm believer in that especially in dealing with my significant other.

"I am not thinking of my work, as that one is under control".

"Then, do not frown la..you'll have wrinkles on the forehead", said I jokingly. Instantly, he touched his temple, I know my hubby is vain too, in his own harmless kind of way.

"Ye ke..you know, there is this dilemma that keeps on bugging me lately", he said as he started to spill the beans. "You know that it has been my dream to own a petrol pump station."

"Yes, I know and why not, I can help you".

"Yes, I need your help, but I am not sure if this is a risk worth taking. You heard what Farouk said during our little meeting that night, right. Even he would not venture into such business if was given a chance to the dealership. Imagine him saying that when he is himself the Regional Retail Director".

Phew..luckily the dilemma is business in nature. This is so typical of him. Unlike me, hubby does not like to take risk.

Now I had to play my cards right. "Farouk was just being honest, he did not want to lie to you about the risk that we are going to take". (I intentionally used we instead of you so that automatically, hubby would feel that this is MY problem too, thus worth sharing it with me (the risk and of course, the profits that the business is going to generate..hehehe..do I smell cold hard cash?)

"Besides", I added, " I believe you are not venturing to fail in this business. Anyway, life is always full of risks, for example, the aikido that you have been practising for years. I can say that it is a very risky affair. You might break your bones and become immobile, but you refuse to let this to hinder your love for the martial arts. You see now, you are generating a good part time income from it. Even I, who is not a big fan of aikido, has a training centre for it..what does that mean to you?", I said it in one breath. I hoped I have made my point.

Then, he added, "But the petroleum company will not lease my land. The requirement is to sell it to them, then I will get nominated for the dealership, but still I have to go through the usual very strict and tedious filtering process. How if I flunk the interview?", I knew he was not looking for an answer to that, rather he wanted some words of reassurence.

"Tell me, sayang, how many interviews have you failed? (None). How many times have you presented your papers in seminars and symposiums? (Numerous). Since this has been a dream of yours since young, now that you have the resources and all that is required for the business, I believe we should not wait no more. You know we will not allow ourselves to fail. Furthermore, if this business is too risky, why are there people waiting patiently for years in the very long waiting list? By luck, we crossed path with someone who could help us out, I believe this is a good omen", was my reply.

"But I have to sell some parts of my land to the company, you know that I inherited it from my dear nenek", he almost choke on his word as he said this. I know how this inherited gift means a lot to him. He loves his nenek so much. In fact, we all do.

Again, I had to play my cards right, "I understand how you feel. But the company does not require you to sell all of it, they only need 1.5 acres to build a station with 4 islands. Look, I have told you that day about the designs for the rumah kongsi I have sketched for you. I feel that we still have ample space to build them there".

On hearing this, he smiled generously. I know I have somehow, lifted the burden off his shoulders. My hubby wants the best for us, I know that, but he is sometimes reluctant to step away from his comfort zone.

I know he has no heart to go on with his work at the Think Tank Institution anymore. I know sometimes his heart and mind wonder to his home in Sandakan, Sabah. Perhaps he is homesick. What is sicker than to long for your own motherland, in his case, that will include the cattles, the fishes in the ponds and the growing palm oil plantation. All these keep him alive.

I know I have married a Kadazan cowboy. He is not the clean shaven, stiff upper lip white collor gentleman to whom I have always wanted to marry. I do not mind that. As he is the love who came to me so pleasantly unplanned.
As for what is in store for us for the future, I would say que sera sera. I know we have to cope with the drastic changes in our life in the near future. Dear husband, I do not mind, for I have faith in us. We will make it happen!

In this photo: Adam possing with some of his 'moo' friends


Hi&Lo said...

Hi there,

You are a role-model wife. :)

Your husband from Sandakan. Am in KK.

Don't worry. Life is full of risks.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Hi&amn;Lo,

Tq, but I am just trying my best to be one, still I am not perfect.

KK is nice, been there 4 times already..:)

U take care, bah.

mamasita said...

Hai Ida,
Whether its about business or women, men in general go through either or both.But we wives must always be their friend unless its so complicated and beyond help.
Our love for our spouse will be tested even more as the years go by.
I nearly failed the test..fortunately I scraped through.
You're a very wonderful wife.Ni baru about business.Kalau anything else pun later on, always remember you are his lucky charm, stand by him always and everything will turn out ok InsyaALLAH.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Datin Mama,

I understand what you mean..sigh. It is kinda scary to think what is ahead of us, all the segala jenis cabaran yang bisa meragut kesabaran and all.

I know there will be misunderstandings, heartbreaks, but I hope we could respect the honesty and trust between us.

I have only been married for less than 10 years, baru setahun jagung la Datin. Ni kena belajar byk from u on how to face the challenges gracefully.

madam gold said...

Ida, I dont think what you are going through is a problem.I think you have a wonderful,self-motivated hubby there who dreams of giving the best for the family.
Why worry?Have trust in God and in him,and dont forget to berdoa so what ever challenges ahead can be beaten.
I ve gone through worse than you in my 18 yrs of marriage,I picked up the broken pieces,glued them and survived.I came out as a stronger individual.This is what we call tergelecek sikit.
What matter most is his undivided love and with that you can battle all the obstacles along the way.
My hubby is also in the process of changing career.Now sibuk with his palm oil plantation too,tolak tanah sana sini.His leaving the army,I just follow, he knows his interest best,maklumlah anak petani ..

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim kucing ray yg alim.

Wah, saya suka la, tengok gambar Adam dan lembu2 itu, kata Pak Malim sambil menggaru kutu. Can I have some chocolate milk, please? kata Pak Malim sambil memanggil polis. (Pak Malim thinks brown cows, give chocolate milk).

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

Please forgive the profanity, but I would like to share with you milspeak wisdom, and in a military organisation, profanity is the exaggeration that underscores a sacred truth.

In the air force, such a situation is described as "Cockstand For Nothing".

Not that your concern was over nothing, but after knowing the mysterious content of your husband's intentions towards liquefied dinosaur carcasses, did the ensuing relief hint to you that this episode was over?

Take a deep breath, Custer, for while this one may seem like it has passed, it assuredly will not be your Last Stand.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Madam Gold,

My hubby ni if dia tgh fikir something, dia akan tak bercakap and berkerut..tu yg buat i rasa uncomfortable tu, as I am a chatty type. If someone gives me a silent treatment especially when we are riding in the car, I feel bad..

Byk keja ke bila nak harvest the palm oil? Dia punya baru tanam, so lambat lagi nak dapat hasil. I takut masuk dalam ladang la..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Pak Malim,

Kalau lembu coklat kasi chocolate milk, strawberry milk dari lembu pink le ya, tanya Ida sambil menyapu kaya.

Lembu-lembu ni rupanya dia tau macam mana nak balik rumah sendiri bila dah kenyang makan kat luar, kata Ida sambil menjemur seluar.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Major Matisa,

I understand this IS the beginning of a new challenge for us. It may seem a trivial issue to some, but for me I have gained some sort of a 'victory' to have him opening up to me. I feel that I have proven to him that sharing is caring. I am not a lady of leisure who cares only if there is enough cashflow in the family. I want to help too.

This is a start to some sort of partnership, now in business. We will see how much we can tolerate each other in this sphere of life..:)

Mimi said...

Dear Ida,
call me naive..but I always feel that semua hubbies know what's best for the family..

That's one brave boy u got there..posing dgn itu lembu semua..gerun I tgk..kalo aunty Mimi sure dah ketaq lutut kt situ..

::moi:: said...

sis... i admire the way u tackle your husband ... yelah kekadang org lelaki ni memang susah nak bg tau apa dia fikir kan...

you're a very wonderful wife...take care sis

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


If all hubbies know what is best for the family, wonder why there are cases of battered and negleted wives committed by their spouses?

Depa ni kita kena watch out jugak tau..

Mimi, I tak suka bau lembu2 tu la..but kesian tgk muka lembu, why la org selalu cakap bodah mcm lembu, I think depa (lembu) pandai aper..:)

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Moi,

Wonderful wife? hahah..ni pun jenuh perah otak mcm mana nak korek rahsia ni..

edelweiss said...

Dear Ida..

i am so touched by ur posting. Jangan gelak kan i tau...tapi betul-2 tersentuh.

I wish i could be like u lah.:( understanding and soft spoken..u r truly a wonderful wife...

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Edelweiss,

Tq..but i nak tergelak bila u kata i soft spoken...hahahha. I am the loudest woman, maklumlah ex-cikgu.

About me being understanding, well yes..i am trying my best sebab nak hidup lama. Sometimes kita as a wive ni kena pendam rasa marah or tak puas hati kita, iye la, org lelaki ni kan lambat sikit nak matured, (hahhaha..my male readers, jgn marah, ok), kita org popuan ni kena pandai diplomacy.

I learn this art from Japanese women. They appear to be submissive, but they have their men wrapped around their fingers. But of course, I do not have any one around my fingers..yet!

Bila u nak blogging ni?

DSN said...

Dear Ida,
Your hubby is so lucky...to have another half like you...

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Ye ke..tq Dato'. I am lucky too, to have him to be very patient with my antics.

edelweiss said...


insyallah soonnnnn...will inform u once the blog is up.

betul cakap u..kadang-2 kena pendam rasa tak puas hati segala...tambah pulak bila laki dah masuk umoq 40 thn nih...aduhhhhhh!!!!

Mimi said...

oppss..silap..bukan semua lelaki..selected je la kot..hihi..betoi2 kena watch out gak..if not tersilap langkah bole jadi haru..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Edelweiss, betul..kekadang makan hati ulam jantung tau!


Memang kena pantau, but jgn tunjuk sgt, they can be quite cunning, you know..

Salt N Turmeric said...

I siang2 dah warned Michael to tell me whtever is in his mind. Do not ever let me guess coz im the type who would immediately think if the worst! lol.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


I pun ada bagi tau dis, but biasa org lelaki, some things they keep from us, thinking that we are incapable of giving them realistic views, takut kita emo la..

MrsNordin said...

Whylah your Aikido centre is so far in Bangi? Kalau dekat2 sini, I'd love to join the club.

Sometimes, men think too much. Women, on the other hand, could make them see it in a simple way. What you did was good. But venturing into a petrol retail business carries quite a high risk. It all very much depends on your location and traffic volume.

So, do a comprehensive business model first(which I'm sure your husband has done) and go through it many times before making that decision.

Good luck!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Tq MrsN, know what my hubby also teaches aikido dokek the club DEPAN umah u..KDE..hahahha. Meh la join every Saturday nite at 8.30pm for adults and Thursday for kids, same time.

I ada tgk my hubby punya business plan. Yes we are aware of the risk, ni akan aa big paradigm shift ni..