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Monday, April 27, 2009

I am Tying the Knot..again!

Many couples want to celebrate and reaffirm their love and commitment for one another by renewing their marriage vows, either privately or publicly. A renewal of your wedding vows is NOT a legal ceremony. It is only a symbolic, sentimental ceremony.

I did suggest to hubby to have our marriage vows renewed, but he dismissed the idea. He thinks that is like making a mockery out of the sanctity of the nuptial agreement. Well, I could not help but to take it personally, so I snorted back, "Eleh..of course la you rasa macam tu sebab kena kahwin balik dengan I, cuba dengan orang lain!". Then, I hid myself in a corner to lick my wounds. I knew this was a self-inflicted injury, but I did not care. He should have just played along with the idea. Layan je..

Anyway, here are some reasons why people opted to renew their marriage vows:

1. You were married in a different country and want to celebrate your marriage locally with family and friends.

2. It is a special anniversary, such as your 5th, 10th, 25th, 50th, etc.

3. You and your spouse have had a difficult time and want to start fresh.

4. The two of you want to make a public statement of your love and commitment to each other.

I do not think we have such practises here, especially among the Malays. But, I personally see no harm in doing this. I know it would incur cost and all, but if it is to strengthen the love between the husband and wife, I see why not.

But I also wonder if this practise would help to heal heartbreaks caused by partners who went astray. Can this assist the couple to start afresh? What if the problem reoccurs, will the couple opt to renew their vows again?

My idea of an ideal solemnation of the wedding vow (i.e renewal of the vow) would be for the couple to reaffirm the magnitude and strength of their enduring love in the presence of their children, families and close friends. This is the time when the couple would pause and reflect on issues like the 'where have we been and where are we going to'. I believe it would be nice to have your children to witness this too.

Sometimes a marriage withers as it ages. The fire that once sets the two hearts aglow with passion now is reduced to ambers hidden under the cold hard coal. The question is, can the renewal of the marriage vow help to rekinder this passion?

To sum up, perhaps it is fair for me to share how hubby reacted to this idea, he said, "Buat apa lagi, sayang, ni anak dah empat orang dah ni, nak prove the love apa lagi?". Malaslah orang lelaki ni, layan je la, bukan nak buat betul-betul pun. I just want to make believe.

25 comments:

Kama said...

Hehehe.. I am sorry I nak tergelak, dear! Men memangler camtu. So rational & realistic. takdak sentimentality langsung.. lomen-lomen jauh sekali! especially after anak dah 4. but fear not, HE LOVES YOU.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

hahhaha..tu la, gamaknya dia takut kot i nak minta bersanding atas pelamin, potong wedding cake tinggi-tinggi, pakai wedding gown Bernard Chandran kot..tu incur cost semua tu..

Anak 4 boleh jadik the flower girls and boys, aper..

mamasita said...

Many Melayu men macamtu lah Da. They all think ni semua style Mat Salleh. Apasalah nya kan?
Mine nak pimpin2 tangan macam dolu2 pun malu..hehehe
Haritu masa lepak kat Starbucks Curve I ternampak a middle-age Chinese couple berjalan2 pimpin tangan.Anak 2 orang followed from behind.I asked my husband.." Bang, can we walk like that?"
He was speechless and gave me that frown! hahaha
Takper..renew your vows everyday dalam bedroom ok dearie?? hehe

Mimi said...

Pernah I tgk sometimes in newspaper orang 'bersanding semula' after 40 over years of marriage..normally anak2 yg organize the bersanding ceremony..fun jugak kan kalo buat camtu..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Datin,

Apa la salahnya display romance sikit kat wife depan org, kan..we still hold hands though, kekadang malas la sebab dia grasps my hand bukan hold it gently mcm dulu..

Dalam my bedroom?hahahhaha..boleh, tapi I naik angin bila the kids dtg mau kacau daun.

My hubby kata ni baguih for family planning..kah..kah..merapu!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Mimi,

Yang bersanding je tu tak de apa-apa sgt. What I meant is the one mcm omputih buat when the man and wife solemnly say out their vows again..ni yg ramai men susah nak buat sebab kena pour out the true contents of their heart..

Desert Rose said...

Ida,

Betul la tu, lelaki ni suka malu tak bertempat kan. Romantic sket pun tamau.
For them romantic thingy that make us happy is unrealistic,podahhh. It not a SIN to give a dimmed marriage a lil bit of spark kan, depa just dont get it.

My kanda la ni dah tamau tgk mid nite dah (we make it a must to go out together once every fortnite. who's idea? moi of course la abisss?), he prefer an earlier show, coz risau anak2 kat rumah. Podahhh again, dulu masa berchenta ngan I, lagi tak turun embun tamau balik.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Kak Eja,

Itu kiranya OK lah ur kanda layan u tgk midnite once in a forthnight, my hubby prefers tgk VCD dgn the kids..bila tgk kat umah semua pakat baring keliling dia. Abih i?

Anyway, I bukannya suka tgk TV. Itu la suka blogging ni..hahah.

But kira OK la lately dia layan I main Scrabble..

Puteri's territory said...

It's nice to tie the knot again because we definitely know how we want it to be this time? Garden wedding ke, jawa ke, under the sea ke? kan best. Pas tu we get the kids tu isi sweets dalam bunga telur. That'll be fun!

Tapi yang tak bestnya, mana nak dapat plus size baju wedding ni? Oh...sedihnya!

However people like you should tie the knot again because you still look good for a mother of 4. So you go girl! Jangan lupa jemput i pulak nanti.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Puteri,

I pun kalau nak pakai wedding gown kena yg saiz luas sikit tau, iye la dah kembang sana-sini..hahhahah.

Tapi kan kalau buat wedding balik, I nak bersanding ala Jawa gitu, oh yes I sure invite you want..:)

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Ida Hariati, wow, you are one in two million. Sure one romantic lady.
I guess I would have said something similar like your hubby too, ha ha.
I guess men tend to have a slightly different view re recharging the marriage vows.
To me if it ain't broke.....well, you know.

Here in Canada we do read of such experiences very often, also of Hollywood guys and gals re-vowing their love again.
But looking at your point of view it does sounds exciting, getting 'married' to the same woman again, not a trade in, ha ha.

Read with interest your previous posting...and your Gostan or forward psychology of 'we' instead of 'you' is state of the art, ha ha.
Wayyyyy to go, young lady!
Sure wouldn't want to meet you at a poker game, ha ha.

Ohhh, he's a Sabah cowboy, huh? Love that pic of land, cattle and your boy. That's your hubby's South Fork if you remember JR Ewing, ha ha.

By the way, re Tony...check out my reply. Will not mention here, *wink*.
Have fun Ida, Lee.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Lee,

Iya la, hubby reminds me of JR Ewing, but he is definitely not LIKE him, as I do not want to be the Sue Ellen yg selalu makan hati...hahhahaha.

This Gostan Psychology can be tiring at times, imagine 'degrading' the way you have been thinking, must be very careful.

Since I was a teacher, I am careful with my choice of words, especially communicating with my other half, but sometimes, e.g in the notion of renewing the wedding vows, I purposely play my part as a wife with the attitude, saja mau test the water...hahahah. Bukan dia pujuk pun, maybe dia tak paham..hahha

Anonymous said...

hi idarao,

romantik nyo kao. dah anak ompek pun masih hot lai....hahhaha

r

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Ondek R, kao becakop indo teragak...hahaha..aku mengikuit petuo uci, jangen solalu memandi malom, rusak baden keh..

Bilo tang kelien balik gopeng, indo rindu melesia ko? :)

madam gold said...

Good suggestion Ida, but will my hubby agree to it???I envy you all can watch midnight show,or watching VCD together etc..etc..Mine he rather have a mengeteh seesion while watching TV at warung with friends..Got used to it already

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Madam Gold, ye ke..hish..my hubby tak suka keluaq malam..but I suka..hahha

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Kak Teh said...

adoiiiii, memanglah men ni!!! just kata ya saja laaa, bukannya nak kena beli diamond ring lagi, kan?
I can just imagine my husband's reaction.
macam topic dulu tu lah kan? Nak zip up banyak pulak komennya, kalau nak zip down, tak payah suruh.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Kak Teh,

Panaih je hati bila dengaq ayat selamba org lelaki ni..:)

Lyana Mauseth said...

jom le kita buat sanding ramai2...i tak bersanding dulu sbb pikir nnt kalau tetiba nature call how??? sure pak usop pun ingat i buang tebiat haha

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Lyana, I pun tak bersanding dulu..cuma dok ataih chior (tilam tekad benang emas), maklumlah I kan Perakian..

Hah, umah hang dah ready ni, why not u suggest kat Pak Hajinya buat kenduri kahwin u all sekali lagi, boleh i tumpang sekaki..hahhaha..

Kita buat ala kampung gitu, jgn panggil catering food, kita suruh Desert Rose and Kak Yani in charge of food and beverage. Sha Teteye boleh in charge of siaraya, Kak Naz & Farina bahagian hias pelamin. Kak Teh & Hajjah Kama boleh jadi AJK Jemputan & Sambutan VIPs. Datin Mama boleh jadik emcee dgn Uncle Lee..hahahha. Oh yes, Mimi jaga persalinan pengantin. Now, I tgh cari sapa boleh hias the bridal chambers..oh yes..Len Zaidi boleh, itu pun kalau SAB kasi dia pelepasan tugas..My gosh, beria2 i dah imagine ni hah..:)

lenzaidi said...

....Thinking of her own bridal chamber hehehhe ;-)

somuffins said...

If you dont mind, I can help racik2 daun pandan. Kalau tak buat bunga rampai, kita guna untuk halau lipas aje. OK ke? Anyway, selamat pengantin baru!

Lyana Mauseth said...

ida, dulu i dah kawin ikut adat kampung..lani nak kawin ala org putih lak..nak pakai gaun lapis2 yg panjang ekornya..biaq odin dgn emil yg angkat haha..boley??

tu dia, semua dah ada job scope masing2 ni, sure gempak haha

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hello ladies,

Len,

My bridal chamber must be painted passionate red..hahahhaha..baru la panaih.

Somuffin,

Iye la lupa pasal daun pandan, u tlg buat beras kunyitnya sekali, i nak bersanding ala Jawa gitu, but for Lyana pun buat jugak even though dia nak kahwin macam omputih..

Lyana,

Hang nak gown yang ada train panjang2 mcm Lady Di ka? U nak color apa? Dulu anak dara elok pakai putih but sekarang dah Mak Dara kot color meriah sikit kot. Ni ur gown usah le revealing sgt as sat lagi Pak Haji Usop tak bagi keluaq kang.

Kek u nak berapa tingkat, i p order kat Kak Yani KG ni..:)