What is on My Hubby's Mind?

My hubby is not being his usual self of late. He does not talk that much, eats lesser and tosses and turns in his sleep. Last night, I heard him talking in his sleep even though what he was mumbbling about was incomprehensible. No, I listened very closely, luckily he did not mention any names (a woman's name, of course).

I notice, lately he prefers to keep silence. He wears a frown that sometimes makes me suspicious. I know he is in deep thought, but of what or who, I do not have a clue.

This morning, he gave me a deep stare, but hey..he was not looking at me, he was looking through me! This prompted me to dig out the truth.

"Sayang, is there anything on your mind?", I asked.

"Uh? No..".

OK..he gave me a typical masculine answer. I had to rephrase my question, I mean my question must not sound like a question (what?) or a statement that would shake his male ego.

"Well, I do not blame you for frowing and all. I know you are bogged down with your work. So, how is the progress of your paper for the seminar in Iran? Poor you. You have been working so hard, iye la..4 times in a week your will train Aikido after work. I cannot blame you for the mood swings you are experiencing now. If you want to share anything with me, I am all ears..".

There is a Malay saying that reads, "tarik rambut di dalam tepung kena berhati-hati, jangan sampai rambut putus atau tepung bertaburan". I am a firm believer in that especially in dealing with my significant other.

"I am not thinking of my work, as that one is under control".

"Then, do not frown la..you'll have wrinkles on the forehead", said I jokingly. Instantly, he touched his temple, I know my hubby is vain too, in his own harmless kind of way.

"Ye ke..you know, there is this dilemma that keeps on bugging me lately", he said as he started to spill the beans. "You know that it has been my dream to own a petrol pump station."

"Yes, I know and why not, I can help you".

"Yes, I need your help, but I am not sure if this is a risk worth taking. You heard what Farouk said during our little meeting that night, right. Even he would not venture into such business if was given a chance to the dealership. Imagine him saying that when he is himself the Regional Retail Director".

Phew..luckily the dilemma is business in nature. This is so typical of him. Unlike me, hubby does not like to take risk.

Now I had to play my cards right. "Farouk was just being honest, he did not want to lie to you about the risk that we are going to take". (I intentionally used we instead of you so that automatically, hubby would feel that this is MY problem too, thus worth sharing it with me (the risk and of course, the profits that the business is going to generate..hehehe..do I smell cold hard cash?)

"Besides", I added, " I believe you are not venturing to fail in this business. Anyway, life is always full of risks, for example, the aikido that you have been practising for years. I can say that it is a very risky affair. You might break your bones and become immobile, but you refuse to let this to hinder your love for the martial arts. You see now, you are generating a good part time income from it. Even I, who is not a big fan of aikido, has a training centre for it..what does that mean to you?", I said it in one breath. I hoped I have made my point.

Then, he added, "But the petroleum company will not lease my land. The requirement is to sell it to them, then I will get nominated for the dealership, but still I have to go through the usual very strict and tedious filtering process. How if I flunk the interview?", I knew he was not looking for an answer to that, rather he wanted some words of reassurence.

"Tell me, sayang, how many interviews have you failed? (None). How many times have you presented your papers in seminars and symposiums? (Numerous). Since this has been a dream of yours since young, now that you have the resources and all that is required for the business, I believe we should not wait no more. You know we will not allow ourselves to fail. Furthermore, if this business is too risky, why are there people waiting patiently for years in the very long waiting list? By luck, we crossed path with someone who could help us out, I believe this is a good omen", was my reply.

"But I have to sell some parts of my land to the company, you know that I inherited it from my dear nenek", he almost choke on his word as he said this. I know how this inherited gift means a lot to him. He loves his nenek so much. In fact, we all do.

Again, I had to play my cards right, "I understand how you feel. But the company does not require you to sell all of it, they only need 1.5 acres to build a station with 4 islands. Look, I have told you that day about the designs for the rumah kongsi I have sketched for you. I feel that we still have ample space to build them there".

On hearing this, he smiled generously. I know I have somehow, lifted the burden off his shoulders. My hubby wants the best for us, I know that, but he is sometimes reluctant to step away from his comfort zone.

I know he has no heart to go on with his work at the Think Tank Institution anymore. I know sometimes his heart and mind wonder to his home in Sandakan, Sabah. Perhaps he is homesick. What is sicker than to long for your own motherland, in his case, that will include the cattles, the fishes in the ponds and the growing palm oil plantation. All these keep him alive.

I know I have married a Kadazan cowboy. He is not the clean shaven, stiff upper lip white collor gentleman to whom I have always wanted to marry. I do not mind that. As he is the love who came to me so pleasantly unplanned.

As for what is in store for us for the future, I would say que sera sera. I know we have to cope with the drastic changes in our life in the near future. Dear husband, I do not mind, for I have faith in us. We will make it happen!

In this photo: Adam possing with some of his 'moo' friends