With much regret, I have to forget about my Latino Jam class. My heart is broken, I cannot deny it as it has been my dream to formally explore the dance techniques. The much awaited opportunity has greeted me, but I could not seize it. I was not allowed to.
My hubby has vetoed my intention to pursue this dream. He made the decision at the very last minute, when the class was about to begin just few hours ahead. The arrangement that I have made went tumbling down. I have made a promise to a friend, but due to the sudden change of 'mood', I had to put on that 'thick face' of mine and cancelled the arrangement. I hate this.
I never usually accept a "No" for an answer from anyone. I need to know why. I took the risk of asking him to explain his rash decision. He replied with views that my ego just could not digest. I had to bite my tongue really hard for I did not want to give him any of my 'third speaker rebuttals'. It would be uncalled for. "What is the point", I kept telling myself. This is the man whom I am going to serve. He eats the food I prepare for him, he puts on the shirts I iron for him and not forgeting, I am the mistress of his nights!
I could have started a fight. I could have put on that 'Drama Queen' title awarded by some friends to the test. I could have been emotional and cried like a pathetic woman before him! But what is the point, I knew he would not change his mind at that instance. Why would he anyway, when he is the Man of the Family. Let him toy around with the title, I will scheme for the next move.
I know hubby has no serious objections against me pursuing my dancing lesson. He used to say if it is an all girls' class, then it is fine. I kept silence for I was trying my best to recall seeing any all girls' tango duet..hmmm.
I told hubby I wanted to explore new possibillities, well, he said I should leave the exploring to those who are 20 years old. He reminded me that I am about 40 now (hello, nasib baik dia ni my hubby, if not mesti dah kena bantai left and right!), thus, not much time left to gamble with new stuff. Then he asked of my goal in learning Latin dance, he wondered if I was planning on being dancer. In the heat of the moment, I said "Yes". Hence, the more reason for his refusal to sanction my attendance to the class.
My hubby has never failed to support me in my endeavours. He has been there for me through thick and thin. I understand it is very tough for him to have a woman with heavy loads of personal baggage and trash as a wife. I have met a number of suitors (DUH!), but I believe none could tolerate my antics and my colourful past.
If this event today occured during the first few years of our marriage, perhaps my reaction would be different. I believe I would make a big fuss out of this, I would start calling him a dictator or anything similar to that. Then after that I would start preaching him about my rights as an individual. Then I will proceed on rubbing salt in the wound by attacking his personality, I will start criticizing his character. Then, I know the relationship would be so tense that it would break at any moment. Yes, I know I would resort to those desperate measures of an infamous Drama Queen if I was in my initial stage of marriage.
By resorting to this, it will definitely not be the way to a man's heart. How did I know? Well, he said so, on one fine day, during a blazing row over something trivial, about 8 years ago. Hubby said, "Ida, for once, please, I know you are an intelligent woman with your own worldview and all, but please for the sake of our marriage, try to stop 'menjawab'. Just listen. I am a man, I need a woman who could take heed to what I am trying to say". I thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel. From that day on, I tried not to talk back at him, I kept on saying to myself, a woman's virtue is in her patience when dealing with her hubby.
Then I started to read some literature on Japanese women, how their submissiveness to their men actually become a powerful tool to control these groin driven creatures.
Gosh, it is very late now. Hubby is already asleep. He knows I have been having difficulty to sleep, especially when there lots of things on my mind. I have patches of ideas that are yet to be strung together with meaningful words. I am glad he gives me this space.
I will have to forget about attending the Latino Jam class for now, but I will never stop learning the techniques through youtube. This is not the end. When all of the lucky stars are properly aligned, when the timing is right, I believe he would reconsider. I know from this day onwards, I have to cook, iron and do things better to win my case. Touche!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The Shattered Dreams
Posted by Ida Hariati Hashim at 12:49 AM
Labels: how to deal with suzalie
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39 comments:
Latino Jam? mcm best nyer bunyi je..I suka tgk org menari tapi kakiku 2-2 'kaki kiri'..hihi..
insyaAllah, bila sampai masanya Sensei mesti setuju dgn ur idea..u go for it girl!
Latino dance? what kind of dance is that?
im just curious, ur hubby x baca ur blog ke? is he cool abt u writing this? my bf selalunya get annoyed if i write sth abt us.
Mimi,
Biasa la ni if he changes his mind, perhaps timing pun tak betul. He thinks I should spend more time helping the kids rather than embarking on new stuff, it is not the time yet..
Hi Farah,
Tq for visiting :).
I am talking about Latin dance lesson.
Hubby is a loyal critic to my work here. He knows me pretty well, I mean every word I say (or write). He knows I am comfortable in my skin. So, he appreciates that.
This is the trust that I am enjoying now, so I am greatful I got that from him.
He is a cool dude in his own way :)
Dear Ida
I beg of you only one thing: do not misconstrue anything that I am about to say as proposals to preferential courses of action or alternate premise.
Learning how to dance, be it Latino dances or other ballroom dances is a discipline. It truly is. It isn't flirtatious unless that is one's intent. It is one of the finest ways to learn a man into the qualities of self-restraint and respect for a woman and her proprietorship over her body. It is courtesy and chivalry embodied in physical motion. But I fail to see how it can be unspokenly adulterous at the learning stage when one has to steer away from the urge to look at four feet when you bloody shouldn't or staying embarassingly far apart to evade crushing your partner's toes with your elephantine footweight.
While I began learning the waltzes and cha chas with my now spouse, I have on several occasions danced with other women with all the physical proximity that correct dance entails. My wife has never felt threatened. I have only been made more humble with the trust these lady acquaintances have invested in me and acted in good faith, always. And for all her amnesia over the cha cha and foxtrot stepwork, there can never be a more pleasurable partner for me than my wife.
I laud your effort. And I affirm that there is nary a threat in learning this form of physical expression of romance...no need for thoughts, no need for words, merely the surrender to the music and man and woman with their own part to play bound in melody.
I hope your husband joins you in learning, should his cheek be one day suitably turned. There can only be youthful pleasure as reward, and he shalt surely discover that ballroom dancing, unlike the club-types, is for ladies and more significantly, for gentlemen.
Dear Major Matisa,
Yes, that is exactly the kind of thing I was tryng to tell him. Perhaps this decision of his derives from the misconception the society has on this kind of dance.
Hubby is a martial artist. Perhaps he has a different view on physical contact as in marital arts it means techniques must be executed.
I am not a big fan of martial arts, cannot stand it sometimes..:). But actually, it is the discipline that I am lacking in. I have been happily skipping his class. (If I do attend to the aikido lessons, I just could not help looking at myself into the mirror ). I guess he thinks I should just stick to master one skill first then later embark on a new stuff.
P/S: I have tried to convince him to join the Latin dance class, but he gave me that look..We are total opposites, you know.
Touche! Love that word!
Remember...he loves you very much sebab tu he has his reasons..and he has his 'possessive' reasons dearie!
Let him be in charge of you this time!
Ingat senang ker dia nak bagi his beautiful wifey belajar dance latino? Hoooi..bini dia weh!
Dear Datin,
The truth is that, I pun rasa syok jugak, for once he made his decision. Selalunya semua boleh (except for some of my clothes yg dia tak approve la..).
Fuyoh, semalam I kena taskirah baik punya, I dengar je la, betul jugak apa dia cakap. I fikir kalau dapat hubby yang semuanya boleh, tak syok jugak, tak de thrill la Datin :).
Tarik rambut dalam tepung kena pelan2, betul tak..Esok masih ada.
Dear Gerl,
Ha ha ha...u sounded so much like me. My hubby pun tak allow all that kind of stuff, all he consented for was line dancing & pocho-pocho, yukss. I pergi gym pun he is very d sceptical, ajak join tamau,last2 he bought me a treadmill, abiss cerita. Konon he may join as well, pirrahh actually tak bagi i pi merenyam kat gym yg bersepah ngan 6 pack tu ler, tau dah.Dah la plak benda alah tu gedabak, makin sempit la 'bungalow' i ni kan.
Anyway, Ida, he has his reason la, mayb there's a blessing in disguise, afterall Syurga kan di bawah tapak kaki suami' noh, jgn lupa.
Takpa lepas ni kita cari cikgu pompuan n organize our own latino dance class bebeh, what say u????
Or we asked Uncle Lee to give us video instructions ha ha ha
Komen Pak Malim, kucing ray yg alim.
Saya tak tahu menari, kata Pak Malim sambil naik lori.
Pak Malim kucing ray yang alim,
Memang la pak malim tak leh nari, u kan kucing alim, lagi pun ada empat kaki, kata Ida sambil menggoyang kaki.
Dear Ida
I read with much interest your reply. I suppose that this is about two worlds that could coexist if they were not in competition but conceded to letting be.
The concept of physical contact in martial arts and ballroom dancing are incomparables. As said Rocky the Rhode Island Red to Ginger in Chicken Run, "Apples and oranges, dollface." You exercise self-control in martial arts for calculation, precision and to never never allow anger to cloud decision making and widen the error and vulnerability margin. Contact is to exact specific damage, recoil to assess damage. Even where they eyes go are dictated to keep the cards close to one's chest. These are, after all, soldierly traits.
Diametrically opposed is dance which calls for expression, where the kayuness of overcontrol stifles expression. I have been so entrenched in drill manouvres and trooping of the colours that I still cannot execute the hipthrow for the cha cha, so while I am as mischevous as any simian, I cannot express that in dance....yet. Or maybe no hobbit can. Oh, well, a pint or two may help some.
This is why in infantry training for officers, (now extinct due to misplaced cultural anxieties), officer cadets had to be learned in tactics, communications, fieldcraft and all that is required on the battlefield, as well as groomed in regimental nights where ladies are guests and dancing with the Commandant's wife was a sign of breeding. The aim was to produce both an officer as well as a gentleman. And we needed to know when to put on the battle-helmet and scream for blood, and when to don our regalia and dine with kings and queens.
Yes, I understand you are opposites.
I also understand that sometimes we resist adamantly what we fear we will love the most.
In ending, I shall say, that I trust you have found the better part. Keep it in sight, even as the plant in darkness keeps the sun ever in its senses, that when the day arrives, it shall still know how to bloom.
Kak Eza,
I nak jugak pigi class ni, cuma bukan sekarang..I ada join fitness first, I tell you my instructor..fulamak, but he calls me Kak Ida even though I insist panggil je nama...hahaha
Ni bukan sebab jeles ni, cuma dia tak gemar dgn time and location kot, tak pe i tanya kat KDE dekat ni..:)
Jom la join sekali..
Dear Miss Ida,
Gosh! I'm deeply sorry my dear. I didnt know this is actually happen to you -_-
Please dont be sad my darling dear, if we meet, I could teach you some moves that I learned. Okie? (I've just update about it today!).
It's alright, Insya-Allah, God will always bless your sincere heart. Trust me, you are worthy!
Hugs n kisses,
mamafiza >_<
hi,
one, i really enjoy reading this post. one of your bests, i think. sexy words, i like... " i am the mistress of his nights" "...these groin driven creatures"..waduh cantiknya bahasa ini...
two, you been writing lots about your hubby lately. hope everyhing ok at home. wonder, if he reads your blog and what does he think about it? as i have told you, met him once, think he is a decent fella.
three, i know that it is not easy to 'layarkan bahtera cinta ini' especially if two of you have opposite views of things. but this is a real life, not ones made in hollywood where everything is rosy. tak semuanye wangi, ade juge bau yang sedap....kato urang tuo2
last, met your distant relative today, datin paduka prof. dr. jamilah, wife of mb johor. said she is related to tun ahmad sarji. aren't you also related to the man?
r
Dear Major,
Perhaps kayuness is a trait of masculinity..hahhaha.
I read your military experience with deep interest too. Know what, my hubby also reads your blog, he loves it.
Being a 'keras hati' woman, I would still proceed with my intentions, just waiting for the right time. Yes, I have enough patience here, sir. It is his favour I must win.
He is a sensible man, he won't leave me to wither with a regimented kind of life..:)
Dear Fiza-san,
O haiyo gozaimasu..so sorry about yesterday, everything is ok.
I am sure u have had fun during the lesson. Jelesnya...:)
Dear Ida
You have plunged into gender conflict now!
Yes, maybe kayuness is the watermark on many a masculine excuse. Which means we are all sons of Geppeto.
"Being a 'keras hati' woman, I would still proceed with my intentions, just waiting for the right time. Yes, I have enough patience here, sir. It is his favour I must win."
See??? I knew from Day One upon reading your blog that you should be in the war planning office.
Anyway, thou art woman. I have not known any who could not bend man to her will. Even the first man capitulated in Eden. His folly, not hers. Her decision was made after much consideration; his, was "Duh, well, yeah..."
Your husband reads my posts?? I can only sheepishly say, rest a while and I will get tea!!
Hello R,
Tq..i ni kan quarter rawo so merapunya memang lobih sikit..hahahha. You like those phrases, why? Imagine the things this decent hubby of mine has to endure having me around..
Oh yes, he IS decent, tengok la sapa wifey dia..:P. Home is fine. I wonder macam mana I tak nak cerita pasal my hubby, takan nak cerita pasal org lain kot..karang my hubby tarik balik priviledge ni pulak..hahha
Wah wah, ni dah mcm pengakuan sensasi ni. Yes, the names u mentioned are all my relations, kiro sedaro dokek la, indo lobeih dari duo pupu.
Rawo rules!
Dear Major,
I studied politics and made international relations as my specialization. I wanted to major in conflict resolution for my Masters, but decided to shove it to my hubby, I get him to pen down my political views in his work sometimes.
He loves your blog, sir. In fact during an outing we had with some friends, he proudly announced that I am a friend to a Nuri Heli pilot, from Sabah some more!
I got it! Perhaps I can use your experience taking up Latin Dance to convince him to sanction me in joining the class..hahhahaha..
Have a great day ahead, dear sir.
Dear Ida
I took up ballroom dancing with my then girlfriend whom I later married, not in an academy but in the Senior Citizen's Fellowship back in 1991 in St Francis Xavier's, PJ. We kept going in Penang's YMCA. We have not sufficient occasion for dance now, but every now and then when a waltz comes up on Opus or a quaint foxtrot on Gold, we get up from the dining table and dance through the number while the kids clear the cuttlery. And this have I learned:
That there are times when coitus is utterly interruptus, but not so in ballroom dancing.
It can only be good for the both of you. I have no better sales pitch than that.
Good luck, and get them shoes polished!!
Be well yourself, and so with yours, Ida.
I've just recently come across your blog while reading Kak Teh's.
And I must say, what a breath of fresh air!! LOL!! You remind me so much about myself. I can't for the life of me bite my tongue when it comes to speaking my mind, hehehe!!
Awesome writing, keep them coming!!
Dear Major,
Your sales pitch works just fine by me..hahahh..
Shaheida,
Tq for visiting. I am glad you enjoy my writings here. :)
Ida sad to hear that ur hubby give a big NO NO to Latino Dance.. but take it positively kay..whats the point of doing something you been longing for but get no blessing from your loved ones..but,dont give up to pujuk him kay...who knows one day...
Hi Ida
You are lucky my dear. Some husbands dont even give a hoot what their wife's paasion is. Take calcium and go to sleep.
Hi Gee,
:), if I can't attend to the class formally, I can always learn it on my own, right. I am quite well verse with basic steps..you tak nak join ke?
Dear TM,
Yes, I am blessed, cuma sometimmes being truly human, I tend to lupa diri..:)
:) my blog is up... :) sila ler
Hello Ida, wow, your postings are really heart warming...and hmmm, interesting with 'feelings' too.
You really open your hati too...
I can feel it when reading.
Ida, pop over my pondok...I have something just posted, maybe you might find your answers here.
I'm sure you will.
Stay easy Ida, and keep a song in your heart...Lee.
Salam Ida. My first time here. Thought I'd drop by after seeing a liitle bit of your entry over at Kak Teh's. I love dance moves too but when it comes to ballroom kind of stuff, I have 2 left feet! Well, I guess your hubby knows his kind too well to let any of them, you know, get to you. He's only being protective, I guess. After all Latino moves can be quite provocative if executed correctly by both partners , don't you think?
Hi Lee,
Td for dropping by..yup I have read the reply, tq a lot. Yes, I day dream sometimes, I love to be in my own world where no one will hurt me :) I hope I am not too old for that.
Hey Zendra,
So glad to have u here :). Yes, I suppose hubby is kinda protective. I know the basics of the techniques, but never got the chance to learn the dance formally. I guess, I can consider myself a bit well versed with the dance :)
Have a pleasant weekend ahead,dear.
Ma'am, thanks for writing this post. I'm reading a woman's point of view. Yea yea yea, groin's driven creature. I like that!
Dear Sir PD,
Tq for visiting. That is so true, right? :)
ida,
i dgn yusuf ada plan nak join kelas latino dance nih dulu, tp i pregant. lepas deliver, pregnant lagi...so plan tu dah basi lah haha
but i think kalau i dgn dia dance, sure mcm 2 chopsticks yg diletakkan together...bezanya satu chopstick pnjg, satu lagi pendek haha
Take it positively.When hubby control you it means he cares for you and take great concern of you.What if hubby doesnt give any say,semua up to you dan tak ambil peduli..suka hati mu lah apa nak buat dan nak buat apa.That will be worstkan?
Anyway I hope your hubby will mellow down one day and you get to pursue the dance.Good luck Ida,and happy mother's day.
Haha..me dancing?
1) i seriously donno how not even basic
2) i dont have a partner
3) i'm broke..
You know Ida, I just quit my well-paid job and start my own business..Am struggling now to kick it off..very tough..
anihow oneday i would love to try..
btw Happy Mom's Day!!
Lyana,
Lucky u Pak Hajinya nak join. Ni u dah line clear, apalagi..p la try, jelesnya i..
Dear Madam Gold,
Actually I understand why he has reservations for me to join the class, that is why I do not want to make any fuss abt it..:).
Dear Gee,
U dah quit? Wow, that is a daring move..all the best to u, dear!
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