When I Grow Up

"Mummy, I am getting married", said Sarah, as she greeted me at the door. I said OK. She jumped merrily and announced, "Yeah, boleh kahwin!"

"So who are you going to marry, dear"?

"Harry Potter". Smittened.

"Why Harry Potter?"

"Because he is SO handsome (she curled her arms as she said this, eyes sparkled with excitement, lips curved into a sheepish smile). He speaks good English, I think he is very clever, la mummy, because he is wearing a pair of spectacles like I do. The colour of his skin is nice and his hair style is nice too..but he is SO handsome, la mummy..". With this, she went on skipping in excitement.

Sarah, my eldest daughter, is only 8. (She would have corrected me here, " I am 8 plus, mummy, in few months' time I will be 9". Yeah, when I was about her age, I longed to be older, for the prospect of enjoying a dose of liberty to decide on my life, made me looking forward for every birthday celebrated. But now, I wish my years to just stop adding up. Anyway, I am still 27 at heart!

Being seasoned with life's ups and downs, I believe I have become a little bit wiser. I wish I could tell her that one should not be disillusioned by the outward beauty of something. The inherent beauty should be the paramount criteria in choosing a partner for life.

But, hey..you am I kidding? I was a bum who was stuck to these kinds of cosmetic mambo jumbos in my quest of looking for that other significant half. But, I believe, a heart must be decorated with scars, before it beats on smoothly. Whatever that means!

I was 'violently' in love with Kenneth Babyface Edmonds. Even though the face is not much to adore, he possesses great talents as a song writer. I shall not elaborate more on his achievements, but perhaps it is suffice to state here that he has help to shape the international music industry.

Now, this may sound like a childhood infatuation tale for you, but bear with me, for my 'devotion' to this illusion has mould my views on the type of man I chose to be associated to.

I was in a 4 years' relationship with a rugger, whose best friend was an ex-boy of mine. I went out with this All Blacks Haka-wanna-be because, "At last", I said to myself, "I have found someone who is taller and shoulders broader than mine". In addition, he is kind and generous, though initially, those qualities were somewhere below in my wishlist of the ideal man. After years of courting, I discovered that he was too simple and laidback to my liking. Honestly speaking, I was so many times embarrased by his bad command of English. I know I was cruel, but what to do, I WAS more attracted to blokes who speak English like Prince Charles!

So, bye bye Mr. Rugger, hello Mr.Orator. This time, it was very scandalous. I believe my selfishness in prolonging with the relationship has caused great emotional damages to me and my family. What was I thinking? Mr. Orator seemed to fit in all of the criteria of an ideal man for me. He was intelligent, principled, tall, dark but not so handsome, has excellent command of English, famous among his friends (for virtuos reasons, of course), independant, but not so rich. We were an item for almost 3 years till one day, he rang me up to announce that he was leaving Malaysia, looking for a greener pasture, with another girl! I felt that I have been fooled, but I did not shed a tear, as somewhere in the little corner of my heart, I was elated with my newfound freedom.

The roller coaster ride in my life has changed my views on the ideal man for me. Even though, fluency in English was still paramount, now it was in the contents of the heart that really mattered. Later, I have found someone who seemed to fit in all the criteria. But, unfortunately, I was too blind to see things through, even though so many cues were given for any plain Jane to comprehend. Too bad I ain't a plain Jane, you need to have enough guts to tell a girl how much she means to you, or else you will miss the train. Frankly, I am glad that he missed it.

I have no regrets, not worth of fretting for. Life would be dull if you get everything that you want.

In a nutshell, I am not going to tell Sarah how she should lead her life. Especially when it is about her choice of guys (how I wish this would be a singular!). I will be by her side to provide her with some pointers, I will not preach to her and impose on her with MY worldview.

If she wants to dream on being Harry Potter's little wife, so be it, I shall not burst her bubbles and severe the trust she has given me in learning the contents of her heart. I hope she would still share with me her fear and happiness forever. I know how hurtful it is having a daughter who is unwilling to open up her heart to her own mother. I wish to bridge the gap to her heart.

I pray that she would listen to her heart and reflect on life in her journey to womanhood. I know, in the process, I would be fretting, blood pressure will be going up and heart beat becoming irregular. I do not mind, Sarah, mummy wants you to be true to your heart and to others too.

* Now, as for you, my dear friends, since we have gone through so many things in life..phew..let me entertain you with my favourite song, sung by my one and only, Babyface. Hopefully, this song would set the 'mood' of whatever heavenly mood you want to be in. It does magic to me. Enjoy! (click on it if you have the time).