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Thursday, March 19, 2009

An Ode to the Man

Dear Wife,

Please forgive me for addressing you as such, for that is what I feel of you now.

You cannot read what is on my mind, I will not allow you to. You will only learn of the contents up here through me. I will tell you what is bothering me if I want to talk about it. I will try to solve my problems MY way, if ever I reached to a dead end, perhaps I will talk to you. I aspect you to just listen and digest. You may advice me when I ask you to. Sometimes I do not trust your womanly intuition. What is that anyway?

Now, please do not start about that other woman. She means nothing to me. Well, she WILL be something if you keep on pestering me about her! Do not make me regret for putting my cards on the table. I am trying my best to be true here, please do not use it against me. I am the innocent one here, it was she who initiates everything, you must trust me that everything that I have told you is nothing but the truth. Now, please do not ask me more, for I do not want to hurt you with the details.

O, don't cry please, have I hurt you? What did I say just now? No, please don't start speculating. I am not that scandalous. I know what I am doing. When you cry, you make me feel bad. I am not a bad person. You asked me, so I told you the truth. Now you are crying and blaming me for hurting you. What do you want from me actually? Please stop accusing me now. It is not as bad as it seems.

I do not want to talk about it anymore. I am sorry for sharing this with you. I am hurt too. I thought you would listen to me.

You have your girlfriends to confide in, but I have nobody. What would my pals say if they knew about this woman? They would place a bet on it and encourage me to go for it. You know how nasty these guys can be sometimes.

I want to be true to you, can't you see? I want to share my fears with you, but can you please stop blaming me? Can you please stop crying now? I am not cheating on you. I am not a bad person. I just need someone to talk to, please listen and talk to me like you always do with our kids. Am I not significant to you anymore?

I am tired. Can I have my dinner now? What? You have not fixed dinner? That's fine, I'll fix something for myself.

Your husband


Ida : Perhaps we would be able to solve many marital crises if only we listened to our man more attentively. We want them to understand our womanly instincts, but the truth is that they can never do. They are not suppose to know us like the back of their hands, for that will kill the excitement in life.

It is tiresome to fret too much about your man. To apprehend bad things to happen will weed out happiness in one's life.

I know, because I used to be the wet blanket in this marriage. I was a fool. I was a young wife then, who was unable to discriminate reality from a fairy tale like life.

I know I am blessed for having him in my life. I could not ask him more except to have patience with me, for I am still an amatuer in this game.


Desert Rose said...


Man are from Mars and Women from Venus says John Gray....and it will stat like that forever I guess kan.

Ustz Hasrizal kata in marriage we sould stop questioning our rights but start to act our role instead, life will be more blissfull. I think he is right esp with me yg suka demand for my right

I insaf dah since knowing this guy he said we should accept our better half as our jodoh given and chosen by God to us....

He said "segala kekurangannya diredhai dan segala kelebihannya disyukuri"

Best inspirational words ever

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Kak Eza,

You are right. I think it is not easy being a man. With so much responsibilities to shoulder but at the same time have to tolerate the women in his life. I mean, for a married Muslim man, he has to prioritize his mother, mom in law, his wife, sisters and daughters. Whereas, we are to put our husbands first after Allah and His Prophet.

Ni lelaki yang kahwin ramai ni gamaknya memang jenis hati batu and pekak telinga kot, to being able to endure the antics of the women in his life..tu la carik pasai..

I pun dulu suka argue about my rights, always complaining about him being a changed man. Little did I know that it was me who have changed, actually. He was merely reacting to the changes..sigh..

Naz said...

Sometimes our never ending expectations make us blind to the fact that we are not that perfect either. So, yes, I like Eja's quote *segala kekurangannya diredhai dan segala kelebihnnya disyukuri*.
We do all our duties/responsibilities to the best of our ability, we hope for the best and the rest...we leave to God.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

I agree with you, Kak Naz

Lyana Mauseth said...

errrr ida,

I am confused...your post last time pun i tak paham..and bila i sampai sini i lagi tak paham...but anyway, i hope everything is okay with you :D...take care!

lenzaidi said...

Pssttt, jangankan Lyana, I yang dah banyak makan garam ni pun tak faham heheh ;-).Muahhh Ida.

My marriage of many years had turned into more of a friendship.
WE are more open when talking about matters of the heart and family ie about the kids & their problems.He no longer expect much from me( a wife must do this and that thingy..), he no longer lecture.yak yak ;-).

Ida, havent i told you ive long stopped being a mother to my children and a wife to my hubby?Im first a friend to my children and a mum when they make mistake heheh. Im a friend and lover to my hubby.The other woman? irrelevant, insignificant, you hear me.

Try, it may take some changes in both, times bit and see if anyone could do this.For life is more tolerable and stress free.Trust me.Insyallah.

my 2 cents.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

La Lyana,

Ni sebenarnya conversation dalaman dan luaran seorang hubby with his wife..

we don't know what going on in a man's heart, but i pun just assume je le..

kesian jugak tgk man ni sometime, ye.kena deal gn pompuan macam i..

Tranquility said...

Did he write that on a nice little 'post-it' on the fridge?

it's a nice one though.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


Tak faham? Tak pelah, asalkan saya faham maksudnya..:). I ni kan suka berfikir macam-macam sehingga ke dalam sana, kan..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Tranquillity,

Welcome to my world.

No he did not write this. I weaved those words while imagining myself being my hubby :).

Many men are unable to voice out their grieverances, especially to their wives. Perhaps, they fear that the wives might take things personally, hence start a fight.

I know our other significant half have lots of things to tell us, it is just they cannot find the 'safe' words to communicate their thoughts with us.

I am sure man do have sensitivity, too..it is just some choose to suppress it, for reasons only God knows why.

They say that in an arguement, it is the woman who starts and ends it. Normally a sane man would just keep silence, any word from him will definitely ignite a new clash.
If this is the case, it is pitiful if our man chooses to keep mum.

Good communication is the key to any healthy relationships..

Lyana Mauseth said...

haha ida, i ingat sensei yg tulis tu..tu yg confuse sbb i don't think la kan dia nak write openly here :P

men ni kkdg kita x pyh la nak perah otak utk paham their nature and what they think sbb they are simple creature, what you see is what it is lah i think...when u ask *what are u thinking about?* their answer can be *Im not thinking of anything* yes, they are capable of that too haha..pelik but true..my own experience lah kan...berderet mcm keretapi haha

lenzaidi said...

You are right about men as if you read them like a book.They do not simply say things the way we do.My hubby was amazed at the amount of talkings i did ie when I met friends in his presence.He once asked me what was that all about?

But when men speak as they are provoked be ready to take cover. lol. Any word from him will definitely ignite a new clash, leave you flat on the floor, hurt.

So whats wrong being nice with them.You may win him over, you know.;-)

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Ida Hariati,
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

There is no marriage that I know off without some hiccups along the way, sometimes being tossed around on rough seas, and trying to avoid the shoals.

However, I believe.... listening + communicating = understanding.
Then add some humour. Lots of it!

There is a 'good' in every man or husband, or wife...find that 'good'.... it is there.
And no road has no curves, no rose does not have thorns...

All of us have our faults, weaknesses, but it is up to one or the other to ensure the love you have for him or her overcomes all.

I have read both yours and your hubby very eloquent message...I can see he really loves you. And you love him.

May I suggest, send your kids to grandma's place, and you and him take time off...disappear to Maldives or Penang or Niagara Falls...wherever, just the both of you for 2 weeks or more....
Bring back that hour of splendour in the grass you both once knew.

Ida Hariati, your hubby loves you.
I read between and under his lines...
Believe you me, he does.
Best regards to both of you, Lee.

lenzaidi said...

Jangan pergi jauh take a bath tub.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lyana,

I used to think of the worse. It is a sin to do that as it is like praying for a disasterous life.

Yes, men are capable of not thinking of anything.

It is scary to learn that our man too are capable of thinking the awful things that we have in mind, but is kept away from them.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Len,

I am not gonna venture into my hubby's mind anymore...i trust that he is a matured man who knows how to weigh the good and the bad things in life.

I talk too much sometimes. There are times when I can just zip my lips and listen to others. I ahve learn to reserve my comments. Sometimes I am just too lazy to talk..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lee,

These are not his words. These are mine. I was trying to think his way as I was typing the lines.

For me, what matters most is to love. I used to fret if my love will be rewarded or not, but now..I do not mind. I just love.

Hubby will never leave his kids and take me 'honeymooning'. He said "kesian the kids..he simply adores them, more than I do.."

I have found my match.

Salt N Turmeric said...

Id say, "Let's get the table turned and maybe then you'll understand how I feel!"

Id only agree to those I-just-needed-someone-to-talk-to-thus-the-other-woman bullshit if the husband would not mind if it was the wife who does that. :P

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


That is a lame excuse, a married man having need someone to talk to..Cakap lah dgn bini what for nak p cari pompuan lain..

Jeffrey Matisa said...

"Dear Wife" was cute and poetic. Thoroughly enjoyable, even; if I were not embedded steadfastly in geriatrica I may have identified with it completely.

Permit me, with the generosity I trust is in you, to share that I have been married for too long (or at least that's how it feels) to seek refuge anywhere else or in anyone else's embrace from the tribulation of bridging the gap with my wife and making myself understood. O, folly indeed in glimpsing forbidden heaven when one knows the bonds of Gehenna are everlasting!! No, I am not preachy nor virtuous. Merely subservient to Oscar Wilde's understanding that virtue is but another word for a sore lack of opportunity.

I would just rather be grateful for the once in a Halley's Comet occasion when I am understood at all. How can a breed so befuddled with itself as man hope for understanding when the task of getting over himself is not yet accomplished?

So I shall take all conversations with my pristine half like a date: it's always the first time, and I couldn't be anywhere else.

Unless Miss Hurley comes along, and my wife's graces are lost in self-induced amnesia.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hey Jeffrey,

It is a pleasure to have ya around.

The truth is that, I cannot read his mind. I used to be bothered by that due to some sort of insecurity I was experiencing.Now, I am learning to let go, actually, to trust him.

Phew, I tell ya, being a woman is sometimes so complicated. Perhaps, being ME is complicated.

I want to be as calm as the mill pond..but I am not.

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

I must observe some semblance of good manners:

I am Major Jeffrey Matisa, serving in No 5 Squadron Labuan and I am a Nuri pilot. I was born West Malaysian and grew up in KK (1974-1981)and was fortunate in being a missionary school student in La Salle KK.

I am stirred by the fact that your in-laws may have seen me rushing back to Tawau with dark clouds on my tail.

Being here on your prosaic pages is my pleasure consummate.

You may have something to be thankful for, in that your man has a mind to be read, arduous as it may be to attempt so. Consider the impoverished state of my breed, that some of us have naught the mind to be read or not read....!!

And for all your raving beauty and intellect, ;) you have not yet discerned between being complicated and sophisticated. You are certainly the latter, and all men in your life will be ever driven to their evolution by it, and by you. Regret this trait not. Ever.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Major Jeffry,

Hahha..a woman, how humble she may be at times, is at the same time fishing for something pleasant to her ears. Something to feed her vanity urges.

I have no regrets being me. You have certainly made my day, sir. :)