Unsung Heroes

That's it! I cannot go on anymore. I am mentally worn out. I have been sick, the flu just won't leave me in peace, my throat sore, my lungs are soaked with phlegm and head spinning (can't even prostrate well during solat).

How am I to juggle between work and family when the former is such a burden to shoulder? I do not know what is wrong with the school. We, the teachers are bogged down by never ending work, we feel that we have distanced ourselves from our students. Goodness, how I pity my dear colleagues who, everyday confide in me. They claim that I am lucky to be counting my days leaving the school. As for them, they have no choice but to stay.

Actually, I did not have much choices. I am not rich. One thing about me is that I am just too proud to stay on at work. I believe I am just cheating myself and the students as I am not able to render my all to my core business, that is teaching. I see there is no point of me doing something that I have no passion for. I cannot go on feeling guilty all the time. Teaching is fun, but when one becomes the jack of all trades, doing work not related to teaching at all, I believe this is all nonsense.

It is not fair for me to bring home my unfinished work as I believe that it is my right to enjoy my rest at home. At this moment, as I am writing this, Sarah is here doing her homework. Believe it or not, I am attending to two computers now, one for typing and the other one is for research, and of course writing for this blog.

I have been told by friends that I have guts for deciding to quit. I really pity them, they have no other options but to enslave themselves to the autocratic rule of our superior. If only the boss could understand how we have tried our best to achieve her goals. If only she could understand us, how much we have slogged like hell just to serve the school. I believe, if she could just listen to our predicaments, we will be fine.

I am trully sadden to hear about the children of my friends who seem to be neglected at home. The very long and unscheduled meetings we have usually leave the kids hungry for food and attention at home.

I have, honestly speaking, shouted and spanked my kids for trivial and childish things they did. I simply cannot help it. I am inside out so exhausted and disappointed. I am unable to contain it all. Mummy is so sorry darlings.

I shall write no more tonight as it is very disappointing. I am looking forward to leaving that 'pressure cooker' school. I am sorry, dear friends I have to go. I am selfish and weak. I cannot make myself endure such torture to my pride and soul. Thanks so much for the friendship. I will cherish it till the day I die.