No..not another baby, ok.
Since months ago, I have been having this throbbing feeling on the left side of my womb. I have been ignoring it as it was not that painful. But lately (since a few days ago), the pain seems to increase, I could not stand straight as I was doing my shopping today. I wish to know what the dickens it is, but I simply do not have the guts to consult a gynea.
Am I sick? Am I dying? I hope it is nothing. I might be a rather confident person but when it comes to my health, I prefer to live in denial. I do not want anyone to diagnose any of my illnesses as I do not want to be lying down on my death bed, wondering how to bid farewell to my loved ones. I still have lots of goals to be accomplished in my life. Above all, my kids are still so young, they still need me. I cannot and do not want to be sick. No way!
I had a cousin who died of ovarian cancer at the age of 27. God, I really miss her. Sometimes (lately) I dream of her. I bet she is in the Jannah now, for she lived her worldly life as a talented, genious, good-hearted and cheerful person. I miss you, Nyah Titi.
I am not able to gather my strength to consult a doctor. I do not want to know what is wrong with me. My babies still need me. But if the time has come for me to go, I'll go..but not now, please. My journey is still miles before I sleep..
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Something Is Growing Inside of Me...
Posted by Ida Hariati Hashim at 12:09 AM
Labels: ovarian cancer, pain
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21 comments:
OMG ida...seriously, pls go and check. whatever it is..it is important to know...and for ur peace of mind too...i guess it is nothing, but just go and check anyway, ida...
that reminds me of pap smear thing that I have to do..gosh, i hate it.
i remember ur cousin. i borrowed her book men are from mars, women are from venus :D..bless on her soul...
Dear Lyana,
I am down with fever again. The good news is, my kitchen has been installed..alhamdulillah..
I have never been for pap smear check up..takutlah Lyana.
But what I know is that I have 1 cm in diameter stone in my galbladder (hempedu). Perhaps tu sebab sometimes my abs ada excruciating pain.
But the feeling of pain and weakness tend to disappear if I workout. I have stopped going to the gym since 11 August (as Suzalie was not well). So now I do not like the feeling of sloppiness in my physique.
I'll be ok. Don't worry, dear. :)
P/S: My very colourful past has made me to have this guilty conscience within me..:(
Leave behind the colorful past.It aint gonna do you any good.Whats rightful is to Lemme diagnose you from afar hahah.
1.Left abdomen pain- Definitely its not Appendix
2.Left abdomen pain - ehm left ovary?Heres the prognosis lol.
If you do believe the old folk tales ,you are still in the confinemnet period although you have past 60 days.You have embarked on gym exercises and yoga pilates whatever it is to make you look good after the baby was born.That was fast to me to regain this curve lol.
Yes babe, you are still in the confinemnet period according to the old folks.So with all those bone breaking exercise, work stress, labourous work looking after the foursome, festive food and drinks, its no wonder that your body is making a foul cry.
According to my german GP in KK also my experience, you are likely to suffer from urat kembang.
Nothing to worry woman.REHAT.Check you must to keep your mind at ease.
Cheers bah.
i pernah sekali je buat pap smear..masa i pregnantkan emil 6 weeks..terkejut k...my mom kata nasib baik x jatuh budak tu dr perut i haha..x sangka depa buleh buat time kita pregnant...doc norway ganaz haha
so big la the stone ida..knapa u x pegi buang..now depa guna ultrasound pecahkan dia..my mom had it many years ago..had to remove the hempedu.
rose, u sound like my cousin la...bab urat kembang ni mmg la...lagi la i yg jenis beranak tp x pernah berpantang....
lepas 2 bulan gave birth to emil dulu i pernah sakit kat my lower abdoment...sakit smp x blh bangun n my body mmg krem...had to rush to the emergency room..first the doc said it could be inflamation around my kidney, then dia kata kalau teruk mgkin kena operate...wooo i nak nangis dah..dah la ank kecik, i lak nak kena msuk wad...doc tu beriya2 ckp mmg serious dah kes i ni...i nak balik dia x bagi....after 1 painkiller yg buat i weng sekejap...tetiba nurse kata i buleh balik sbb wad xde katil kosong..lorrrr...so i amik antibiotik 10 hari and it passed...now and then sakit tu dtg balik, but i buat x layan dah...just wait for it to pass....
ida, just go and check kalau sakit tu berterusan...btw, tahniah 4 the new kitchen :D
Lyana,
kekadang exercise elok gak,traditional massage and food is i believe can be antedote to most of womanly dis-ease.I may sound even more like your cousin...makanan sejuk, tak boleh ambil masa dalam confinement.Do you believe orang cina dulu dulu kata you are supposed to be in confinement for say 6 to 9 months.Lepas 40 days some go for D&C to clean their womb, giler.
My gp who is a german lady in KKinabalu kata i sakit urat kembang.I nak tergelak tetapi itu yang dia kata.She prescribed me antibiotics.Dah lama tu okay.
Pain in the lower abdomen is usually caused by womb infection. You know esp after birth, the remnant of placenta may be still there and this can contribute to infection.I part ni paling takut so i religiously ambil ubat and breastfeed anak anak sampai setahun.Sekarang ni dah boleh lipat ke belakang hahahah.That also explain the force of gravity unto our body.
I pelik lah kat western medical practise,whenever you have pain in suspected internal organ esp uterus, it means operational diganostic procedural.My 25 year old daughter whos studying her final has gotten period pain last 3months.It got so bad that she had to go to hospital.Only to be admitted and operated on.The reason being diagnostic procedure.
Kalau Kat sini i could still give her ointment rub, or give her ginger omellet to ease the pain. She was dignosed having chocolate cyst. Sengugut.Period.
Alamak i can still go on rambling. Hope this can give you guys some valuable insights into the nature of woman and dis-ease.
Cheers bah.
Dear Ladies,
I think memang urat i kembanglah..hahaha. I've been having this pain since I gave birth to Adam (exactly 7 years ago-today is his bday). I started conceiving Adam right after I've completed my confinement with Sarah..age difference between the two is just 11 months..giler productive!
The doc said that this is very risky, I experienced termendous pain in labour for Adam. He was born few weeks early (even my blood test's result was not ready yet). The thing that I remember most is that I went to the clinic by cab when I had the 'bloody show' as Suzalie was working. Anyway, Adam was born with his umblical cord around his neck and his placenta macam dah hancur (doc said due to the deprive of oxygen).
I notice one thing that pain comes when my menses is two weeks away, as for yesterday and today, so far..tak rasa sakit pulak. Pelik. So i figure, the pain will come whenever I am ovulating..(wah ni mcm sesi pakar sakit puan pulak..heheh). So period I nak dekat ni, jangan sesiapa silap cakap ngan i, angin satu badan ni.
I recorded Didi's delivery process. My hubby took the video. It is kinda gross as suddenly there is a part tiba-tiba blood oozed out byk even the gynea (Dr. Ashar) was shocked. I can still remember he said that this pendarahan was not suppose to take place. Maybe something IS wrong in there down south, but I just do not know what. Nanti le I check..let me gather my guts dulu..
Dahlin,
Put this at rest. Doc has been ultra-sound screened you,palpate wherever needful.You have borne the four, slight abnormalcy but its still within doc concerns.I still feel you are in the safe hands.
Should the pain persist prior mensus, i could only think of fibroid.Fibroid is blood dependency growth.It can cause substantial bleeding.Like in my case,i used to bleed heavily on my monthly.Once removed, it never come back again.
Woman Ovaries are part of the reproductive organ which only function is to 'create' babies. Have you heard about this saying which goes.. the mental state of a woman is largely connected to their health state of the reproductive organ.If you are mentally fit , that organ will not give you much a problem.what say you?
p.s I can only remember that 'killer' look in Adam albeit how he was born.Didi was fortunate to have her delivery recorded. Pendarahan biasa dalam setiap delivery.Tumpah darah jangan main main.
Cheers bah.
Dear Len,
I agree with you, a woman's mental state depends on what's in her. I had the pain when I ate too much of these Raya food, berlemak-lemak..sampai sekarang I tak leh makan anything bersantan or any red meat..or pulut ke..
I've scanned my uterus, but ok je..only it was a bit swollen, doc said because at that time I've just finished confinement so biasa le..
Hmmm..I'm ok now..thanx for the tips, dear..:)
Ida,
i have stopped working after juggling with work ive trained for and the small kids that came along with my love to the man called Husband lol.That was back in late 90s.Husband was already taking a job with Shell in Miri while i was working in KK and looking after the then 3 small.
Soon after i tendered my resignation letter, i felt a huge slab of cement lifted off my shoulders. I stayed at home with one thing in my head looking after my growing 4 small kids ( each came after three years apart)and be the lady in leisure ;-). I would dream away of becoming one wholesome wife and mother to the small ones.I would dream away of becoming a wife who could cook, bake,clean and keep a beautiful home.That dream was shortlived and not even attempted.
Little did i realise the whole time i had was wasted away as i slumped into depression.I didnt like the new place (Miri little oil town), the neighbourhoods were housewives and homemakers ( whom only bother if you have more than you do at home),i didnt like the food, the airport and everything seems dreadful to me.I saw very little of my children as they came and go out of the house right infront of my eyes.They learnt to speak the Sarawak dialect which is all new and hilarious to them, they quickly gotten many friends at the neighbourhood.Soon i lost control of them and of my good soul.
I cried and cried and spent most of my time counting my fingers!One day i couldnt hold myself together anymore and called my hubby to be home.I had this panic attack as if im gonna crazy or die.Very soon i found myself sitting infront of a psychiatrist and my cries seem louder than i could imagine.
No im not going to change your mind of quiting teaching and settling home for your kids.I want you to do a little homework as what you are going to do with your time at home.I know you will be spending more time with the kids, attending to their schoolworks and emotional needs. What are you going to do with your goodself when the kids are away from home. The most you will take to do your master is 2 years.After that what?
Do a little soul searching for me. I dont want anyone of you to go through what ive gone through. The 'coccoon' i built after i resigned was one very unbecoming soul betrayl and eposide in my life.Ive never prepared anything like this.It came as Tsunami and it went off in a snail pace.
Cheers lah.
OMG, u ladies are really into this giving birth and after birth things haha..i don't know much about any of these...I basically got pregnant immediately after the wedding and then came up to Norway when I was 5 months pregnant as yusuf wanted me to be there and he wanted to care for me himself (well, he got 1 month off from work officially with salary). The doctor that was assisting me the day I gave birth was a swedish guy and i was surrounded by nurses and nannies giving me a massage everywhere...I felt like a royalty haha...the horror thing here was that I did not know what they were talking about but I knew it was somethings serious going on based on the terrified look on yusuf's face...
Felt the pain around 1 am and did not have an idea that I was actually in the process of giving birth..believe it u guys...sampai pukul 8 pagi then baru the water broke...wooo panic, yusuf called the hospital and they said, it was ok but i should go and have breakfast first b4 we all go to the hospital!!
So i gave birth, took me loooong hours since odin was so big that they had to vacum him out...pain like hell..so after giving birth for few hours then they asked me to walk around...to make it worst, my MIL also in the hospital...an hour away from mine!!! Yusuf like here and there and everywhere...
the second day, i fainted in the hall on the way to get my breakfast...so finally someone believed me when i said i was not feeling alright...so 2 packs of blood being put in me after that...odin have jaundice so we both were stucked in the hospital for a week...so i xde berpantang or whatsoever...semua i makan :D
with emil, i gave birth to him 2 weeks earlier...so we were not prepared...had pain at 1 am (wonder why odin and emil pick the same time??)..so yusuf called the hospital only to hear them said it was false alarm and I should go back to sleep...I was angry because i timed the contraction and it was every 20 minutes..yet i tried to sleep but hell with the pain i just could not close my eyes...
around 5 am, i forced yusuf to call the hospital again and yes finally they said i could come in...so i called my malay friend nearby so she could take care of Odin while i finished up this delivery process haha...OTW, i said to yusuf, 'i guess we don't have time that we should just speed to the nearest hospital'...and he did...while we reach the emergency area, i could not walk anymore so 2 handsome attendance came with a stretcher (yes in pain i still notice them haha)...so in the labour room i was already 10cm ready..lucky emil did not just fall on the floor haha...odin was there in the labour room with yusuf holding my hand..everytime i think of this I just want to cry for odin was being so nice and patience...just imagine the horror in there..i was in pain so i guess u can picture the whole situation haha....so the first meal i had after i gave birth that day was nasi with telur mata and ikan bilis, prepared by yusuf :D haha, my mom tergejut bila i call and told her the menu haha
so don't ask me about pantang larang..i just don't know...what i know is that i had to wake up the next day and continue the house work :D...and my cousin was uttering so many not so nice words when i sms her telling that i was in the shopping mall after 1 week giving birth to emil haha...
yes ida, i remember how proud sensei was when he told me that u took the cab to the hospital to give birth to Adam...I just don't know what i would do if i were in the same situation...there u have something to tell ur kids..I wrote a kind of journal for odin and emil so when they grow up and maybe one day they would say to me "mama this is my life and it is up to me what i want to do"..i would definitely give them the journal and let them read the bloody stories haha
Goodness ladies..I am totally speechless..in fact I am crying right now..if only this THING in me can be written in words..
Tq so much for sharing your stories with me..I wonder what good deeds I have done in this world that Allah has bestowed upon me such good friends like you gals..tq so much..
Indeed, we were lucky to be given the chance to go through labour. I believe it is a cleansing process. ( will post something on my experience during labour).
Imagine if our husbands who had to go through labour..gamaknya semua orang kena penumbuk and tendang..heheh!
Lyana,
i puji Yusof jaga you by masakkan you nasi,telur mata dan ikan bilis.To me this is already good untuk ibu yang dalam pantang.
I had a very delicious meal after my 1st delivery, food bought from my favourite restaurant.Suami hidangkan i udang galah masak lemah cili api, kari ayam dan sayur lemak paku hahahahahah.Nak kasi i meroyan makan benda benda ni!My mum came soon with sup ayam kampung berhalia and nasi.
Kasih suami.
Cheers.
we are all blessed ida :D...
Rose, yusuf tahu i x lalu nak telan ikan kukus kat hospital sini..yelah nak mkn yg lain takut ada daging babing tu pulak..so itulah yg termampu dia masak utk i..nak buat kari2 segala mana la dia reti...
wah bagus la bg udang galah cili api, pucuk paku...haha meletop perut..dia panik kot tu...bila ingatkan, terngin jgk nak mak yg jaga dlm pantang tp i am thanful dgn apa yg i dapat takat skrg ni..life should be taken the way it is being presented to us..follow the course of nature...we will be less stress and happier...
Dear Ladies,
Suzalie applied those foul smelling rempah onto my body and tied up my bengkung so tight sampai i susah nak nafas...hahahha.
He took good care of me as my mom was abroad..his mom in Sabah..Ni hubby jaga dalam pantang pun bahaya jugak tau, nanti jadik macam i, anak teratur je macam anak tangga....hahahha...godaan ooo..
lawak le ida...teratur mcm ank tangga...haha
Iye Lyana, to think back..ramai giler anak I, tak sangka..heheh.
Bila nak jalan dalam keta punya le bising, Tuhan je yang tau..teringin jugak nak sorang lagi, but later kot..hahhahah.
Lately production slow le, selagi belum settle umah baru ni...hahaha
ida..u ingat tak dulu u pernah ckp yg u x nak ank sbb kids ni mmg kacau daun? haha now u have 4 kids...sape sangka kan...i know, i yg 2 org ni pun mcm nak pecah ank telinga, ni kan lagi u yg 4...kalau ank tiri i join lagi le pening kepala dgn suara garau depa tu haha...ank tiri i yg second tu suka pasang lagu jerman yg zaman tok nenek dulu..adoi...yg abg lak suka lagu yg bisng2 tah apa2...last2 i pasang lagu melayu yg sentimentol gila tu...semua pakat lena haha..aman donia den...
Dear Lyana,
U know i ni kekadang tak suka bising2, rimaslah. Ni the boys tgh main wresling dgn suzalie, dah malam buta menjerit2, sakit telinga. Sarah kena punish dok kat balcony gelap sebab she played with my notebook during my absence, langsung dah jadik slow.
Hah, ni suzalie cerita hantu pulak..saja nak takutkan sarah. I kesian jugak kat dia, but I have to discipline her, or else naik minyak.
i pun x tahan la bising2 ni...dah la menjerit x henti2, Tv punya la kuat, kkdg radio pun on...odin kalau kat dapur, dia on radio dulu, sebijik mcm bapak dia...ckp x henti2...kkdg naik hangin jgk i...dah mlm buta pun suara masih kuat, heran la i..
u lagi la ramai kan..i yg dua ni pun dah naik pekak telinga...xpe, punishment utk disiplin ok, they will learn...:)tp tetap la kesian kan..we have to be firm la..
sebenaqnya penyakit suara kuat ni ada pada cikgu-cikgu..i pun cakap kuat jugak, jadi semua macam dah terikut-ikut..So Yusuf and ur sons tu cakap kuat, maybe darah daging teacher tu ada...hehehhe
bapaknya jarang suara kuat..odin dgn emil je yg suara gagah gempita...emil tu kurus kering tp suara kuat mcm halilintar bila menjerit haha...agaknya lah kot sbb bapaknya cikgu, grandparents depa pun cikgu jgk...nasib baik maknya x jd masuk maktab, kalau dak, mak depa pun jd cikgu le haha
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