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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

What I want in A Man

What does a woman want in a man? A dear friend of mine has urged me to write on this. Initially, I hesitated as now, I believe I am seing life at a different perspective. If I was asked to elaborate on that matter 10 years ago, when I was still soooo single and available, I would have given a list of the criteria of a perfect man from the point of view of a young, warm blooded lass. But then, now at the age of 33, with 4 kids and a hubby in tow, I know I would come up with a different set of list. So which one do you want, mate?

What am talking about here? A wishlist of what a man should have to be the right one for me? Now? I think it is a bit too late. I HAVE to make do with what I have now. It would not be right for me to outline the criteria of a man as I already have someone. Thus, to proceed with this would result to something fictitious. I do not want to have an imaginary male 'friend' in my bed!

But hey, dear mate, I would still try to come out with this list. I am not sure about other sistas in da hood, but mine can be simplified as listed below:

A. What I Want in a Man ( when I was a 24 - single and available)

1. Intelligent (but not a rocket scientist)
2. Must have goatie (like Mukhriz Mahathir ..aouw!)
3. Speaks good English
4. Skillful in something (e.g debates, sports, music- guitar)
5. Good sense of humour
6. Economically sound (knows how to spend money, especially on me)
7. Tight bums
8. Honest
9. Brilliant smile
10. Patient (especially in dealing with my attitude problem)
11. Practises good table manners
12. Good listener
13. Good posture
14. Good style of walking ( there is something in a guy's way of walking that somehow gives me a clue about something vital..*wink )
15. Romantic (but not a hopeless romantic one!)


B. What I Want in A Man : Revised List ( now 33 - married....)

1. Honest (tell me why you think that girl is better looking then I am..tell me..tell me..)
2. Patient (especially when playing Scrabble and Monopoly..so what if I am deceitful, I just have to win!)
3. Upholds to the Solat
4. Economically very very sound (not to spoil me with unnecessary things, but be a good manager of his money)
5. Understands that a woman needs some space too (that includes emotional, sexual aspects..everything. Even though married, she still has a life as an individual - thank God I am enjoying this, but I know of some friends out there who are struggling to have some "ME" time to themselves - guys give your women a break la..)
6. Respect ( the elders, me, the kids, himself..)
7. Accepts the fact that I am not perfect
8. Thinks I am still a HOTTY despite the crows feet under my eyes, and the flabby arms similar to the wings of a turkey
9. Good listener - just listen, don't be judgmental
10. Skillful in something (excluding golf and video game)
11. Good command of English
12. Enjoys the food I cook for him (even though some might taste funny!)
13. Excellent father to my kids (and willing to add some more to the brood...hahaha)
14. A fighter
15. Himself

I have no complains as I am blessed. Honestly, what really matters most is having a man with whom I will spend the rest of life. I need a man who accepts the fact that this wife of his would one day be grey and old. I need a man who would proudly call me his one and only woman when I am all wrinkled up and as barren as the Sahara. That is the man for me.


Mimi said...

hihih..i love reading your list yang masa masih single tu...

MrsNordin said...

A male colleague in my office had this to say when we asked him what he wants in a woman: Big breasts, and can cook. (So, his dream girl is Nigella, obviously)

But when we asked a female colleague, she had this long list of things that she wants in a man, much like your 15. Just goes to show we are asking too much, are we? Or we're asking for the impossible?

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Ida,
That first list - Wow.. that's a God-of-all-males you're talking about!

Yeap, I agree with you. Our likes and dislikes changed as we get older. At 33 - you're still bergetah la Ida - and I doubt you have that flabby arms!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


You kan my roommate dulu, so u know la what kind to guys I was hooked too..or should that be the orther way around, which one serves my ego better?

But I really tak larat nengok a man with goatie la..tu la bila sensei p shave abih goatie dia dulu I malas mau layan..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear MrsN,

Big boobs and a good cook? Hahahha..wonder why are guys so attracted to boobs?

I don't think we are asking too much, a woman is just being expressive of what she wants in life, as for man, anything goes la..as long as they have someone to jaga them like their moms..

Kama said...

Kalau tanya men, they want the ones with big boobs or big bums or a tiger in bed. Sexuality is top.

kalau tanya women ,they want security. rupa kurang hensem pun takpe, janji poket ada isi.

kalau tanya I, I nak a ferocious tiger who is loaded. ... (err, a bit too late, i know, tapi saja nak merepek in yr blog, Ida....LOL)

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


Tq..but just a few days ago my hubby baru pinch my flabby arms and reminded me that the dumb bells are collecting dust under the bed..apa makna nya tu?

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Kak Hajjah,

Kita dah pun dapat pun (tapi belum le loaded lagi)..hahahah..tu la bak kata i tadi, observe how he walks and his posture..hahahha..ni lagi merepek..

hazlin said...

what a long list... but actually when u get married.... dapat jadi pelindungpun jadilaaaaa..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hi Kak Hazlin,

My fren to tanya apa org pompuan nak, i pun senarai la apa yg i nak..hahha

Yes, once married we only need security, but benda2 lain pun mau jaga jugak, kita bukan robot mau terima segala2nya..

Zendra said...

For me I need my man to be pelindung, pengasih dan penyayang towards me, our children and himself.

That means hati dan poket kena berisi lah, ahhah

Kalau dia handsome, tak buncit, jalan ok - that's a bonus


Ida Hariati Hashim said...

ye la zendra, i pun tak suka man yg 'maju ke depan'. what if he is balding? Ok ke?

Zendra said...

Bald is in!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


Imagine..Yul Bryner...aowww

somuffins said...

Ida, I senyom dalam hati aje. 15 bisa dibundarkan to 20 tak? heheh. Part main guitar tu, I agree but don't ask me whether I married one or not ;-)

gEe said...

Ida..with your permission, i would like to treat your topic 'what i want in a Man - now and before' as a Tag...maybe 7-10 each..mesti interesting to read others list as well kan...boleh kah??

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Miss Somuffins,

Ni my list la..actually panjang lagi, but nanti org cakap demanding pulak..hahahha


Boleh..bolehh..apa pengerasnya?

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

I acknowledge that this blogpost is supposed to be about you, not about us men.

I am however, complelled to respond as one of your readers' take is resonant with what I have read in many a woman's blog about what men want in a woman. I implore you, then, to allow me some lattitude here.

Subject to the company you keep, we do not have thoughts of mammaries all the time, no pun intended. Indeed, the physical contentions the better endowed have to wrangle with arouse sympathy rather than desire in me, as is evidenced in the incidence of breast reduction surgery I have read of in the Occident. I therefore, have no prerequisite for an ideal mate that could actually cause her pain after the forgiving nature of youth has passed.

Allow me to speak of what other men would seek in a woman. To avoid male outrage, the word 'I' shall be used as I have not yet been elected as spokesman for men (please forgive me these puns for want of vocabulary), but still believe that many men share what I say here.

I want a woman who drives me up the wall. For without her, I would not discover that I could indeed drive up any wall.

I want a woman who disagrees with me, that I may examine every last drop of my finite reasoning in arriving at a decision that bears consequence on the lives of many other than my own.

I want a woman who will be patient with the fool that I am, waiting ahead of me at a slower pace that I may catch up with her and perhaps, we may share a cuppa.

For in these, a woman helps me to become a better human being, if I merely take the time to consider that she is actually my ally and not my adversary.

I need not a woman for my kitchen, my slacks and shirts or even to keep my quarters clean. Those are skills well within the flexure of my muscle.

But for the preponderance to gravitate towards complacency, I have naught a cure save for this wonderful spouse who risks my taking the opposite end from her in battle against shadows that lurk only in my poorly illuminated mind. This is an undertaking of faith she has committed to, and I have yet to meet a man with the energy to stay his hand on so Her-culean a task.

Yes, I am guilty of that one, but what good's a blog if one can't shamelessly have some pun?

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Major Matisa,

Hahahha..You have indeed created a stir in the sistahood with your wishlist..hahahha

Men don't ask much, uh? I think u r cool, but there are brothas out there who treat women as commodities..

I am glad to have u around, really..:)

Shahieda said...

Ida, what can I say but, that you're an absolute scream!! I so relate to your list at the age of 24. My opinion would be that the older we become the more realistic our expectations are. Not saying that the list at the age of 24 is unattainable though.

I have yet to find a male who can put up with my forthright attitude. In their minds that comes across as intimidating. How is that so?? Or would they rather prefer a woman who agrees with every thing they say??

Sir Jeffrey Matisa, do let me in on the location I could find men who have your way of thinking, wink, wink!!

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

You have a way of making my day.

I am limted in what I can do.

All I have are 3 kids. I emphasise to my son never to get it into his head that he is God's gift to women, as Holy Scripture clearly states the reverse is true. And I have 2 daughters whom I hope will learn that a real man never coerces a woman into anything she would not voluntarily do.

If we start correctly with our kids, we stand a chance of seeing the day when a man returns to being the steward of the human family.

Dear Shahieda

I apologise that I cannot lead you to greener pastures as the herd I currently wallow with are air force blokes. If the air force were Sodom or Gomorrah Abraham would not have bothered pleading that God spare the city if there could be found ten good men amongst the hoarde of sinners.

But I intend becoming a free citizen with proper voting rights in a year or so, and I will be a copilot again, in civvy street. I shall then seek amongst the other very much younger copilots for a proper sampling for you. If a year isn't too much for you.

Just never settle for less than you are, as it wants for a foundation upon which to build a good home.

Much love and good wishes,

Maj Jeffrey

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Shaheida,

I believe the younger me had intimidated a number of guys.Well, that's their problem. I do not plan to settle for something less. But then, life is funny isn't it, sometimes you just give in for little mishaps, it is too human.

I love the time when I went a-hunting for Mr. Right..the adrenaline rush, the heartache and butterflies in the tummy, the chills..phew, what a ride!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hi Major,

Are there little samplings of u out there? :) I believe ur kind of view abt life does not come overnight, sir. Perhaps the good sistas out there would have to wait for the incubation of these few good men...:)

Time is ticking.

Shahieda said...

Ida: I agree with you wholeheartedly, the adrenaline rush was surely the highlight of the chase!! Settling for less would just be cheating yourself out of a rewarding relationship with someone who could relate to you on your level.

Major Jeffrey: I wish more parents would think the way you do. It does start with the way we rear our children. Morals & values have unfortunately taken a backseat in todays day & age.

Settling for less had been a heartwrenching lesson to learn, I don't see myself making the same mistake again.

Now there's a thought!! A man in uniform, oh my!! :)

tireless mom said...

Hi Ida

My old list will not make me find a husband. But I am contented with the one that I love despite wishing the revised list is sufficiently met.

Should have been shown the light to be directed to Sir Jeffrey Matisa location's 17 years ago.

mamasita said...

Hai Ida..I did make a mental list tapi dah lupa..hahaha
So yang I ada ni I terima je lah..imperfections and all..mujur lah I am more perfect than him! Ahhemmm! Love is blind..tapi since we both had eyesight problems..ter cinta! hehe

Ida Hariati Hashim said...


When I was in my final year in the University, a professor, in jest, declared that he would propose my hand in marriage, if he was 25 years younger. He was about 50 at that time. I tell ya, sis, he is MY kind of man, (he is a Taurean..so compatible with me being a Capriconian).

I was flabbergasted (imagine having your one Prof. saying that to you). But, knowing that he was just joking, I promptly replied, "Well, sir, I do not think I would ever marry a younger you. A man is not a man until he is 40 *wink!". Yes I winked.

My point is, find yourself a malleable bloke and mould him into a man, before he is 40!

Major Jeffrey is gonna fry me for this!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear TM,

Indeed, we should be thankful with what we have now. But sometimes, this mind does float to the land of the impossibles..:). That is just too human.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Datin,

When I read your comment to my hubby just now, he asked, "Siapa Datin ni? Why is she more perfect than her husband?"..I instantly replied, "Ye la, every successful man mesti ada a strong and resillient woman to support him..". Dia diam, setuju kot.

Love is blind, tu yg best tu..if sebelum kahwin semua benda buruk dah nampak, sure tak de selera, betul tak? hahhahaha...

mamasita said...

Hai Da?
perfect as in "perfect"! Maknanya I am even worst! Lagi banyak weaknessess and flaws lah! hehehe

I have never actually been the woman behind any of his success..betul..he'd go for them and make his mistakes! Jarang betul nak listen to my advice..because my advice pun bahaya di pakai! haha

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

I could not fry you now or in the eternal future as all the smithies I know could never fashion a vat or pan to take the beautiful form of a woman. Only He who wrought a rib could render such breathtaking shape unto the world.

As for your proposal in finding such a man who in his youth is malleable, I find it a most viable suggestion.

The difficulty is in finding such a man in his youth. I garner then that your margin set at before he turns 40 makes for some measure of possibility.

I still contend that a man who has not gotten over himself is unfortunately, for himself more than for anyone else, likely to be full of himself.

All the prophets of yore were not prepared to love till they had endured the wilderness 40 days and 40 nights. No I am no preacher; I merely echo what you have so poetically said: that the emptying of self does not come overnight.

That's why my home is often in a mess: it's because I am working hard to replicate a wilderness herein so that my son may grow in the wisdom of the prophets!! Okay, so that's a blatant lie.

My sympathies to your Professor who has surley missed his opus. I am sure that many are those who rejoice today over this missed opportunity, and that they reside under your roof.

A few of your followers, as have you, said extremely sweet things here in my favour, and I wish to thank all of you profusely for such kindness shown to a passer-by. Maybe this is why He cannot smite the world even with all the evil manifest in it, for womankind continues to be His face when malice obscures His countenance.

Waver not, for you may well be the hand of salvation.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Major Jeffrey,

I am beaming. Yes, I am. Wonder if Jeffrey Matisa Jr. will examplify his dad, our must we wait for 40 days and 40 nights?

Dear Datin,

He could have never done it without you, percayalah..be it if you've given him bad advice or not..

Lyana Mauseth said...

sori i ketinggalan...hehe ida..selalunya kan...apa yg kita nak tu...yg tu le tak dapat....tp bila di tilik2 dan ditenung2...apa yg kita dapat tu eh that is the BEST for us, sbb tu it is granted to us at the first place :D

i dulu2 ingat nak kawin org hensem mcm richard gere tp dapat pak usop lak...hmmm kira ok la sbb kalau hensem pun payah jaga kan haha

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hi Lyana,

Haish..you know me. The ups and downs, dah ku rentangi.

Yes, you are right, only God knows what is best for us.

Lyana, kalau hubby you muka macam Richard Gere, nanti selalu lah i dtg umah you..hahhahaha

Shahieda said...

Ida: WOW!! How well you handled yourself at that age already!! Hehehe, the professor probably had his hands full with you as one of his students.

And Major Jeffrey is absolutely correct in saying that there are probably quite a few men out there who regret their decision in not persuing you. You make a worthy adversary.

Major Jeffrey: I am awestruck by your use of the english language, I cannot keep up. How eloquently put!! And certainly food for thought for all those who have read your contributions.

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida and Shahieda

A hobbit can only bear with a limited number of compliments. Thank you.

Eloquence can only be perceived by the eloquent. And any good you see here is the work of the One who made me so, not anything that I can lay claim to.

I can only bow humbly in the face of such kindness.

Anonymous said...

Women are a gift from God ! We men must learn to appreciate and value our women more bcas they are the mothers to our kids.
What are we, without our women ?.
"What is life without a wife, its like a kitchen without a knife !",,,this was told to me by my long lost Iraqi friend way back in 1975 !.
,,,,,the good thing about island living for me, is that am able to meet many many ladies from all over the World,,,each with their own beauty and loveliness hahaha.
I love my ladies/daughters/,,,pls forgive me if i love too much !

Capt hehehe

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Shaheida, and Major Jeffrey,

It is great having u guys around. Tq for spicing up everything around here..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Hi Capt.,

I am glad that u r enjoying every bit of your life on the island.

No problem if you love us women too much, it is very natural la. We really appreciate that.