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Sunday, January 11, 2009

33 going back 27


Please ignore the topless mermaid in the photo. I know you are wondering ( as I was too!) of her size..hahahahahaha..If one studies the history of the Perakian Sultanate, one would be able to find an answer to the question as to what the dickens was that topless creature doing there! But that is not the point here...

The little girl in that photo is me. I was just 4 years old..yeah know I looked senior than my age, that has always been my problem. I am 165cm and I am a big framed woman..hahahah (thanks to my greatgrand dad who was Dutch, I heard the women in his family are big size!). I cannot remember when this was taken as I never really care about taking photos. I don't really look good in them. (Well, not much difference if you saw me in person, though..I don't care).


Now, this one was taken when I was 6. You see here I was posing like a bride who was 'bersanding'. Being an innocent girl, I used to dream that one day, a handsome man would take me as his wife. On the wedding day, they will dress me up like a princess, my fingers crimsoned with henna and my face painted with my mother's make up ( she wouldn't mind as I was getting married).

The handsome guy who is my husband will be sitting next to me. Then, there will be my cousins as brides' maids, the tukang kipas and performances. When the reception ends, we would go back to our families and tomorrow I'll be married again to a different handsome guy as I am going to wear another outfit. So the 'bersanding' thing will go on and on until there is nothing else to wear...
But my main problem at that time was that my hair was not long enough for the hairdresser to bun it. Then one day I saw my grandma's hair extension..aha!

Hahah..I was 16 in this pic. At this age, I thought I should have been born a boy. But I was never involved in lesbianism or any other vices involving the same sex.
This photo was taken backstage after a play that I and another friend had directed for The Deputy Minister of Education's visit to our school. I was actively involved in debates, elocution, choir, arts and all but never sports. This is because I was very cautious of my physique. I was taller, wider, bigger perhaps heavier than most of my friends. I did not want to get involved in any forms of sports as I did not feel comfortable with my size...hahhaha..At that time sports bra was just sketches on paper!
Now you can see how the statue of the topless mermaid that I saw in Taiping Zoo when I was 4, had put a curse on me!

I was 23 when this was taken in Bukit Merah Lake Town Resort. This was my 'zaman kegemilangan'...hahahha. It was the era of turbulance and everything extreme. Lyana and Mimi were my Guiding Angels. I knew they had issues to solve too, but they were my shoulders to cry on..sob..sob..
There were many admirers, those who were sincere and insincere...but I never cared to take heed. I enjoyed the chasing game very much but some time I got hurt pretty badly. I never regretted but always took them as precious lessons. I never gave space for vengence, as I believed in Karma.
I will keep a watchful eye on my kids especially my daughters. Not good to partay (party) too much like mummy as it will exhaust everything.
Oh yes, I can still wear the blue kebaya that I had on in this pic...hehehehhe.

Picture taken on my engagement day in late 1999. Suzalie came into my life like an answer to my prayers. I never cared about guys like him. He was the total opposite of me, but we just click.
Our friends were so surprise to learn of our liasion, there were some busy body 'kakak angkats' of his who tried to change his mind. But he stood by me.
We have had such a tough time, but we held on to each other. Alhamdulillah...
Unlike the grand wedding reception that I had dreamt of when I was a little girl, ours was just a simple one. I decided not to 'bersanding' as I thought that was not necessary. We did sit on the 'chior baldu bertekad' though (being a true anak Perak, I am).
I was honoured to have my cousin, Roz Yanti, who was fighting of ovarian cancer as my bride's maid. We did not want to take so much time and effort for the wedding preparation as we knew that all of us in the family were keeping our fingers cross for Nyah Titi's health to be OK.
She passed away when I was in confinement after the birth of my daughter, Sarah. She was 27 when she died. I believe God sent her to us so that she could leave a legacy of her achievements in CBN, Chaltenham Ladies' College and Bristol University. I was told not to attend to her funeral due to my condition. I truly miss her.

The young man in this pic is my youngest brother, Haris. The kids in the pic are all mine. They look like Chinese, thus so different from me because my hubby is Sino-Kadazan.

Since today I am 33, I have decided to make some major changes in my life. I am eyeing for a greener pasture just next door.

Tomorrow, I will tender in my resignation letter after 5 years of service. I am not a superwoman to juggle my career and family. I do not want to juggle anymore as employment for me should be an option. I can still generate income from the comfort of my home.

I have consulted the Principal last week. It was when she asked me of the reasons of me quiting that I broke down in tears. I believe I have not been doing well as a mother. My kids are doing very badly in school, honestly. When I am suppose to struggle for my kids' future, I am devoting my whole for others'. The Principal said that it would be such a waste as I am a good teacher and that I have been entrusted with so many responsibilities in school. Yeah...I know I can deliver my duties well, but I do not think I have done anything good for my kids, yet.

Yes, I am very selfish with my time, energy and expertise. Sorry, I have to attend to my family first. Rezeki mana-mana pun ada, but kids don't grow on trees.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..I AM 33 TODAY, BUT I FEEL 27!

23 comments:

Queen Mother said...

Ida

Let me be the first to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY and GOOD LUCK. I wish I had THAT BIG of a COURAGE to make the same decision.

Well..you're an inspiration. With what nonsense we have today, we have to make the best of everything for our kids.

Here's wishing you all the best again

QM @Farah

mamafiza said...

Dearest Miss Ida,

Happy Birthday Sweet Darling *hugs* >_<

May God bless your journey of life with His Love, Amin~

p/s: friendship hugs to Miss Queen Mother too ^_-

Best regards,
mamafiza
www.littlekittle.com

Naz said...

Ida
Happy Birthday or as we say here, Gratulerer med dagen!
I took the same decision (quit teaching n be self employed) in the mid 90s and have never looked back. Investing in our kids' wellbeing is something that we will never regret. Duit...sampai bila pun takkan cukup.
So here's wishing you many many happy years ahead :)

Lyana Mauseth said...

ida, i don't know why but i am so sebak reading this...we have known each other since we were 18 and now we are 33...many paths we walked, many tears we swallowed...laughters, and joy all make us wise...happy birthday :D

we will support each other in whatever situations as we have always done b4...clever ones or stupid ones so when u said kids don't grow on trees, yes i do agree becoz this is true...they grow up so fast and suddenly they are out of the house...good luck to u...

ida, u so cute la masa kecik...but the mermaid?? ish malu i tgk haha

Kak Teh said...

Ida, Happy birthday and what a wonderful journey that you've shared with us. 33 tarak apa laaa! Muda lagi.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Queen Mother,

Thanx for being the first to wish me in blogsphere...Yeah, I have to think of the kids nanti dalam kubur Tuhan tanya, apa I nak jawab?

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear orang-orang Norway,

If I could esok jugak I nak stop, but not fair to my colleagues as they will end up filling for me.

My hubby is giving his support, I know I have to be more careful in my spending in the future as income dah tak de..but can still make money, what..I have the licence to teach..

Lyana,

I pun sebak bila teringat kat you..u memang byk sabaq ngan I ye..timasih..arigato gozaimasu..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Kak Teh,

Yup, 33 is still nothing much..it is the digits 3 and 3 being put together..hahahhahahha....

I guess my journey in life so far has been rather interesting..I want to be in control of my life..

Thanx for being an inspiraton for me..actually all of you ladies are!

Anonymous said...

hello kada..so u have a blog... i
enjoyed reading it and will keep on updating myself with ur entries..
Bout ur decision, WOW! salute! and i would say it is a wise one. It's fulfilling to stay home and be with the kids.Memang best! hehehe..
Ok..u take care and enjoy 33!

adda

Lyana Mauseth said...

ida, tq to u too...we both have stories pe time tu kan..i remember balik bilik lepas pegi KL, suppose jmp mak org tu kan but i was late 15 mins and they left..kurang asam tak? dr gombak nak pi kl kul 5, jln jem, dia pun x ckp awal2..lepas tu marah i..i was so berderai la hati jantung semua kan..balik bilik u were there tgh nak mkn...huhu nasib baik u ada time tu as i was crying mcm org gila...and i remember u calling my phone asking bila i nak balik as u sunyi dok bilik sesorg and bila sunyi u just wanted to cry haha...maka bergegeas la i balik dgn bas intrakota tu...

notis berapa bulan?

Salt N Turmeric said...

Dear Ida, just in time to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Adda,

Tq for visiting. Now taht u are lepakking at home with Dani I suppose u r feelin' very contented.

I know our relatves nanti all gonna freak out with my decision...but please don't tell grandma as she is in such delicate situation...

U take care darling, savour u time with family in Taipei..muah muah..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Lyana,

I can still remember that time too..and so many other times we have cried together-together...hahahha...

Now is 5.40am, Monday...nak kena get ready for work..home from school is just 8kn away, but Ampang punya jam giler kena push off very early...tak pe..sebulan je lagi...hehehhe

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Miss Salt N Tumeric,

Tq for visiting n tq for the wish..I have tried ur recipe that day..hehehhe..thanx so much, very nice.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Miss Salt N Tumeric,

Tq for visiting n tq for the wish..I have tried ur recipe that day..hehehhe..thanx so much, very nice.

The Ceramic Designer said...

congrats ida..
i resigned, became self-employed and pursued my dreams when i was turning 29.. only realized about my children's well-beings by the time i turned 36.. self-employment can be time & energy consuming too.. so good luck in your future undertakings..

Mimi said...

Happy Birthday dearie!! Semoga panjang umur dan diberi kesihatan yang baik and dimurahkan rezeki..aminn..
Ida, me like Lyana too..have known u since we were 18 kan..mcm bole terbayang2 lagi first time cakap dgn u; u, me and our frenz all clad in blue batik baju taaruf dan white sarong...wow..that was like 15 years ago kan...
Congratulations on your resgination..wish I could do the same..hmm..insyaAllah..

Desert Rose said...

Happy Birthday Ida,

U r doing d right thing if u feel u r. B strong. Motherhood is d best career any woman could have.

lenzaidi said...

Phew Ida Ida,
Thanks for sharing the little Ida and how she grew up to what she is today.
While Im counting the day when you said time and time again that you would be calling it a day, moment at school nowadays are not to my favour, kinda losing morality and virtue of being a teacher with that woman around.
i dont agree with you quiting neither do i applause you for quiting.Till now i dont really know whether to shed tears or regret i will be losing sweet and hot mama in SAb.I dont know, because to quit on your side while you were one of the performing teachers to boot is really a waste, not to the school shucks!, but to your career as an educator.

To quit teaching and making time for your kids is one nobel cause, for that i salute you.True since you have the license to 'kill',lol.. put to use the skill you have to others which are equally worth.

Im not saying good bye to you because this blog is going to be a bridge between us.Thanks for creating this 'space', we have found each other amidst the madness at school.

Sad but its killing to see you are leaving.And congratulation for keeping mum on your birthday, not a day you look 30 something, woman!. Happy 33th Birthday you sweet little thing.C ya.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Ala Len...don't say like that la...Usharani has booked my corner lot workplace, so I ought to go soon...

Tadi the Principal tak de almost the whole day, so objective tak tercapai..actually, I tak larat nak tunngu sampai 3 months, I siap dah beli air ticket mau pigi jalan bah!

Tadi I listed down all the permenant tugasan for 2009, depa ni tak de org lain ke yg diharapkan..I ada sampai sembilan tanggungjawab tau, dah la S/U PIBG..ni AGM is just around the corner..giler tu..so I tak payah mengajar, asyik buat keje merapu je..ceh..sapa tahan mcm ni...

Oklah darrling c ya tomorrow..Tq for the bday wish...

lenzaidi said...

You know,when i finally decided to quit my former job in Sabah to join hubby in Miri,i felt a big concrete slab lifted from my shoulder.That was some 10 years ago.

I told myself once i decide there wont be turning back.I did just exactly that.I really felt living to the fullest for the first few months and started to draw my next course of action ie taking up cake baking class..kek lapis Sarawak hahah.

But dear, because im a poor planner who plan to fail lol...i started to lose direction.When i attended the interview to do diploma in education in Uni Malaya back in 1997... i started to feel alive again.The rest is history to my reckon.

Tell me how to make me stay at home anyone?

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Len,

Now that we know each other..i bet we cn do many things together...hahahhahahahhahahahah...

I become very happy tonite as I have eaten a big slice of cheese cake...hahahhha

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Dear Ida

Allow me to join the chorus in wishing you Happy 33rd Birthday!

Kak Puteri