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Friday, January 23, 2009

SOUL SEARCHING


What could be scarier than having your other half looking into your eyes, as if searching for an answer? Indeed, the eyes are the windows to one's heart and soul. Perhaps he was searching for an answer hidden somewhere deep within me. This truth I shall not reveal through the sparkle of my eyes. I am but an actress who tries to conceal this turbulence within, for I do have fear of losing something that has been with me for almost a decade.

They say that the lure of the forbidden fruit is the sweetest. But I shall not taste it even this soul is chained to it. I must realise that I am no more a solo on this stage, for I have given life to a quartet. Each depends on me.

I have one foot in the forbidden meadow. Just a limb, but my eyes are still looking straight into the horizon of the other. I am STILL safe. No wind can sway me to the hands of temptations. I am a woman whose mind and soul are STILL sound. God knows I am trying my best.

As for the other half who is eagerly searching for the answer, have a look, dear. Search this soul, rip it apart. For all you can see is YOU within me.

18 comments:

Lyana Mauseth said...

dear ida,

u wrote it so beautifully....watch your steps ida,walk carefully and i will walk with you :D...if you need my 50%, just let me know...take care!

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Ida, terima kaseh seribu for dropping by my pondok.
I love your blog posting and your warm eloquence.
It is a very heart warming and passionate plea and truth and passion.
Your eloquence prompts the following....

Love me without fear, trust me without questioning. Need me without demanding, want me without restrictions.
Accept me without change, desire me without inhibitions.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hears, and we are never ever the same.

Our life today is not a dress rehearsal, as we only get to play one round....live your life with no excuses, love with no regrets.

You keep well Ida, and have a great weekend. Best regards, Lee.
Like Lyana mentioned, I will too...I am at your service, and have had many such situations, friends, mine...infact have posted a few too....last one only few days ago, "Romancing a Penang Rose"..and the unexpected conclusion. L.

Kak Teh said...

Aaaaaah! That is all I can say! beautiful.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lyana,

As I care so much about you, I do not want you to walk in this path as it is so heart wrenching.

I have been left alone again to ponder on the best path I should take. It is scary, as you know I am always driven to take the one less trodden on.

This sense of guilt started years ago when I was plagued with that ultimate FEAR, God knows how scared I was. Luckily I had you and Mimi to help me to get back to my senses. And of course, he had displayed such courage to take this like a real man. I am truly greatful.

So now, it is pretty clear to me that should just stick around through sick and poor, till he decides the end of this.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Uncle Lee,

Thy words are so beautiful. Yea, I have known people who possess such abilities to make me value my being in this world. These people are like the orchestra playing soothing and beautiful tunes to bring meanings to my life.

You, Uncle Lee is the new violinist who has made the music more lively. Thank you so much :).

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Ida, I have replied to you re 'letting go...'.
Drop by if free. You know where.

All my life only 3 women ever made an impact on my life.
Wounds can always heal, but scars will remain.
One left me scars for years....took all my strength and rationality to walk away.

Another one was due to certain circumstance I had to let go....
3rd one I married, ha ha.

Our life today has lots of temptations, but only the strong, the rational will and can survived.
We have to use a weighing scale to weigh the pros and cons if you know what I mean.

Have a nice day, Lee.....ooops, almost forgot, terima kaseh for the warm compliments....

And Ida, I would be happy if you just address me as 'Lee'...thank you.

Uncle Lee said...

Ida, kalu you got nothing better to do...this time I would like you to pop into my posting two weeks ago...
titled, "Lee, my husband seeing another woman", d/d 1/6/09.

Based on actual experience. Lee.

lenzaidi said...

LEE's virtual page is a platform to those who dare read the truth about life... name it even the most scariest plot written so vividly yet 'safe'.Thank you Lee for bringing up the matters of the heart to the fore, we sometime ignore the truth to our senses.

And woman,
Sail you must in whatever waters you are in, paddle safely to the shore of love and certain.

Isshhk..kalau hati ini terus terusan berbungga lol ;-)).Just so to tell you IM HERE.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lee, I will certainly check it out later..thanx so much.

Dear Len,

Hahahhahaha..semalam u enjoy the bubur ka? Sudah dapat itu coconut milk?

Gosh, how much I'm gonna miss u and the others at school nanti..well, we leave goodbyes later..

U used to asked me.."what do you really want in life?", I didn't give you the immediate answer as I was not sure myself..Kenapa, bah sia ni?

P/S: Looking forward to the ladies' nite with our panel..we all should just let our hair down..just don't spill it to the HM..hahhaha

lenzaidi said...

Ida,
Bought processed santan milk in the small box at the grocery.I never like to use this sort of santan tapi dah petang siapa ada ada parut kelapa.sodap juga lah.

Concerned KB may extend invite dinner to the lady (which i think she shouldnt.).Had enough of her at the majlis majlis ni.I coudnt possibly let my hair down what more my gun hahaha.Hope we have some music to shake off this tensed muscles and knotted nerves. Never mind my bones, its still raring to boogie.

Ive had asked myself in the past the same question.Len,what do you really want in life? Now that the children have grown up, im left what to do with hubby hahaha. Well, this is what i want in life.. to be able to plan and do the things i want for myself.

Career wise sudah hampir senja.. yet to be able to teach the dangerous mind some sense!
Balik kerja ikut suka hati bila without feeling guilty, Masak and makan without pressing nak makan apa, Relax without having to worry about the laundry, anak remaja sleep in except school days etc.
At the things coming my way, i think i m getting what i want in life.Thanks ALLAH for this space!

To all working and non working mums in the making out there, hold on to your dear ones,shoulder the roles to your possible might, your time will surely come.

Changing roles.;-)

Lyana Mauseth said...

your life was full of duri2 tajam, pijak jadi sakit kaki...so jgn di redah jalan berduri ida...cewah, now i am a nenek kebayan already...

Queen Mother said...

Reminds me of Akon's song "Dangerous". But I love the way you captured it in your own words.

Sweet as the forbidden fruit maybe, its what got Adam & Eve kicked out of heaven so that should have account for something. But who are we to say what is better for another. We built our own little happiness.


Keep well Ida...no matter what you're facing at the moment.

Kama At-Tarawis said...

A poignant piece, no less
here's hoping for only the very best for you..

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Kak Putri and Farah,

Tq..yes, I am ok, was just being honest to how I felt yesterday. Loneliness can play tricks on me..:)

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Lyana,

Dulu I bodo..redah jalan berduri tak pakai kasut, tu yang terluka kaki tu..La ni i pakai kasut org p jungle trekking untuk meredah jalan berduri..hahhaha..buat lawak pulak..

No really, Lyana tq so much..I'm cool really..semalam layan jiwang sat as I dok sesorang kat umah, biasalah..

dayang suryati said...

ida, u r really damn good in expressing urself secara misteri.. u ni buat i berteka teki wat is dis all about... c u next coming week n make sure u tell me d story- morry of u here k.
take care dear!
datin paduka

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Datin Paduka,

My story morry has no moral value, so it is bad for the baby that u r conceiving....hahhahah..

Alah, u..nothing much la..saja layan jiwang sat..

C ya next week, dear!

Jeffrey Matisa said...

Dear Ida

Forgive me while I beg to differ: the forbidden fruit in asfar as I am concerned is not sweet, but bitter. Bitter is the choice to betray not one's lover but oneself too, for we choose against forsaking all others hitherto when we lay in the arms of another. In choosing faithfulness, we save ourselves from ourselves most of all. Yea, been there but certainly not done that. Yet.