I have sinned to my mother. She has told me so. But I wish I knew how have I caused this wrath in her. Have I been an unworthy child to her? Have I been ungreatful?
____________________
Dear mama,
Tell me please, what have I done you wrong, now?
Yes, I have taken this path of life, but not before I have weighed up the consequences. Mama, I know I have been reckless with my life before, I have committed careless mistakes that have caused so much pain in you. Please forgive me for not being able to pour out my heart to you.
I love you, mama, I really do, but I was unable to gather enough strength to face you, for I do not believe that I could swallow the bitterness of your words, in response to my foolishness.
I aim to fly high, mama. I know you want me to. But mama, I do not long to travel in the path you have taken, even though it ensures smooth sailing, recognition and victory. Those are your goals, not mine.
You once said, "life, especially marriage, is a gamble", yes, I would love to believe in that, but I just cannot. You have reminded me too, that one should always prepare for the worst. Yes, I am preparing now, but not for the worst. If it is true, "life is a gamble", then why must we strive for the best? Why must we have faith in God and pray that He would bless us with His Guidance? The way I see it, life is not a matter of rolling the dice, that we are made unable to control our destiny. We are losing the game if we ever let the dice to decide on our next move.
Mama, I have a reason to live on now. I am no longer that lonely, aimless and reckless daugther of yours. Give me a chance to prove to myself that I am worthy too, just like the other girls who you think I should examplify. The truth is that I have tried to be like them, but I just could not go on, for I shall not allow myself clowning around in other people's clothes anymore.
No, I have never discounted you from my life. You have permitted me to decide, so I have decided. Yes, you may share your fears with me, but I shall not allow that to cloud my visions for my life.
We have only ONE chance to live this life. I have decided to live it to the fullest. I will stumble and fall, and scrape my knees and all, but I shall rise and charge towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not afraid. Why should I? When I have enough love and courage to fuel my journey. This is the love and courage that you have sown within me, since I was young. I thank you for that.
As for now, mama, have trust in me, your only daugther.
