The Seven Year Itch

I am acquainted to someone who has for 15 years, serve breakfast for her husband in bed. She would willingly wake up from slumber, just to attend to the man's demand for a foot massage, right after he came home from his late night outings. This is also the woman who has abruptly ended her confinement period, so that the kids would go to school and food would be served on the table, right on time when her man was home from work. In short, nothing is impossible for her to fulfill her man's need for perfection. Perhaps all these bona fide actions are fueled by her undying love and affection for her man.

Yesterday was their wedding anniversary. It also marked the first year of the husband's second marriage to a woman from our neighbouring state across the Straits. She was the last to know of this clandestine liaison, friends were aware of this, but none had the guts to spill the beans. "It is heart-wrenching", she told me one day during a phone conversation, "to be the fool who still hangs on to your man's words when the people around you, whom you trust and love, have been buzzing about the ugly truth".

Now name me a woman who is in her right faculty, who will not get hurt hearing such news. Perhaps, to have someone who you love to cheat on you could be equated to stabbing your heart with a dagger and smothering the gashes with the saltiest salt on Earth. It is that painful, you know.

I would like to attribute this to the infamous 'seven year itch ' period as termed by psychologists, to mark the declining interest in monogamous relationship after seven years of marriage. Now, I wonder if it would cloud over my marriage too. Touch wood.

I have to be honest, it has been very taxing to keep the flame burning. Very challenging, indeed. I have always been the lurvy durvy type, I will try my best to impress my man. Of course I do aim for something favourable in return. Perhaps a bit more TLC?

"What TLC?", he would say, "You can't survive just on that", I knew it was more of an irritated remark rather than a question. I wanted to explain, but words do not come easy nowadays. I tend to shed lonely tears in exchange.

I do not serve breakfast in bed, or sacrifice my slumber to serve a husband who has had a whale of a time with his buddies at places frequented by the vilest creatures on Earth, still I believe my simple gestures as an imperfect woman speak volume of how I want to keep this family together.

Indeed, it is true that words do not come easy nowadays, complete silence during rides is no alien to me anymore. I have tried to initiate conversations, though, but maintaining them is not an easy task, thus the effort is usually left in vain. Silence is golden, perhaps it is better than to risk exchanging hurtful words. So the mind is left to travel to places beyond the permissible space. Maybe. I do not know. I do not do mind reading. If I did, I would not have written this bit here.

I wonder if we are scratching the seven years itch now. If we are, how damaging would it be? Would it ever pass? What is the oilment to ease such itch? Funny how these psychologists coin the 'autumn' phase of a marriage.

Oh well, my man has been in slumber hours ago, thus to sleep I must go. Perhaps it is safe to doze off and dream away now, for he will be deep in slumber, maybe temporarily with hearing impairment, for I might talk in my sleep. *wink

So much for the seven year itch. Bah!

The Divorce Letter

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good woman to you for 10 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!

*********************************************************************

Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for 10 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork 10 years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the ￡49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica ..

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.
______________________________________________

Hi dear Friends, I know it has been a long time since I last updated my blog. I'll come back to share more stories with all of you very soon. Enjoy this one, I received it from Susan XYZ (a parent of one of my ex-students). Anyway, till we meet again..adios amigos. Ida

Cuti-cuti Sabah: What's at the Tip? (Part I)

I never liked traveling on the roads of Sabah. The winding roads going up and down the slopes send chills to my spine. The long and bumpy journey interstate is sometimes challenged with the forces of nature- the monsoon rain that results to slippery roads and the fog that tests one's visiblity of the route.

I have often heard of fatal accidents occurred here. In fact, it is unfortunate to state here that the capricious roads of inner Sabah had claimed the lives of my hubby's beloved uncles, almost two decades ago. Imagine having two of your loved ones died at one go. It is just so sad.

We left Sandakan at approximately at 11:ooam, Danny, my brother in-law was in charge of the wheels, hubby still lacks the confidence to scale the challenging roads of Sabah. Though a junior to hubby, the 21 year old State rugger, is an experienced and reliable driver. At times he tend to challenge the speed limits and trespassed the double lines. But the guy has the spirit of a stallion (I hope hubby is not jealous with my frank observation here). I felt safe throughout the journey, for the 4WDs were in great shape.

The journey to Kudat was like riding a gigantic slide, due to the 200 degree curves and corners. Danny warned us of the sharp '52 curves' as we were approaching Bukit Pitas. It was a steady climb up, felt like riding on a roller coaster. A nephew who tagged along got sick and vomitted during the ordeal at the '52 curves'. I was singing to Mariah Carey's ballads, trying to cheer myself up. Luckily the small ones were sleeping and Sarah was travelling in another car with my parents in- law and two other relatives.

I was glad I did not sleep a wink at all throughout the journey. This is something that I cannot do whenever travelling on the road. I feel that I must keep the driver company by talking to him. I believe it is unfair to leave the burden to the driver alone. Besides, if I went to sleep, I fear that I might wake up somewhere underground, with a white sheet shrouding me! Takut bah...

We arrived Kudat at 5:30pm, there were no pitstops, for unlike in Semenanjung, it was rather tough to find a decent place to eat or ease yourself here in Sabah. The scenery was awesome, I can say, worth the trouble of enduring the bumpy and winding roads. I saw shabby houses in distanced hamlets. I wondered how do these native Sabahans survive in such underdeveloped areas. But to my surprise, shabby these houses might be, one can see ASTRO transmission dics perching proudly on the humbly thatchered roofs. The sign of technology advancement I presume. The tidal wave of reality shows like Akademi Fantasia, One in a Million and others have hit upon Sabah. No wonder Sabahans, from the youngest to the eldest are well-versed with the happenings in such shows. I, being an anti reality shows believer, is often lost in the serious or casual discourses, among my in laws. I am not bothered by that anyway.

Our stop at an eatery in Kudat was a wrong move as we have missed the spectacular sunset at Tanjung Simpang Mengayau. Simpang Mengayau means 'lingering junction' as it is here that the South China Sea lingers and meets the Sulu Seas flowing from the east. It is told that the view of sunset is stunning there. I must admit, as we arrived at the spot, I was in my 'come-on-I-ain't-that-impressed' mode. I tend to get grumpy during long distance journeys, this is especially true when there is no clean toilets for me to use. In addition, the sunset we missed. How unfortunate.

The spot was dark as there was not even a single lamp post to lit it. I believe the development of the Tip of Borneo is hampered by some political interests of some dirty Sabahan politicans. Very unfortunate I should say, to let such a magnificient spot under the mercy of bad politicking. Tanjung Simpang Mengayau if properly developed can be few levels above Pulau Redang or even Pulau Kapas in Terengganu. In fact, I believe such good effort would benefit the natives who are living within the proximity of the place. Now, do not let me start talking about rotten policies here, I might get in trouble, especially with my moderate significant other!

I hated lingering around the dark hill of Simpang Mengayau, still hubby and the others were busy taking pictures. Since ours is no SLR Digital Camera, we did not get to capture anything interesting there because it was pitch dark. I knew it anyway, that was why I dragged the kids to the parking lot, the darkness was too depressing. Besides, we have not checked into any hotels yet. I was consumed with the fear of not being able to find a place to camp for a night. I had toddlers travelling with me, the supply of hot water had diminished. Plus, I needed to go to the toilet pretty badly.

Ria Hotel was the first hotel we bumped into. All rooms were occupied except for a suite with 2 en suite rooms and pantry at the price of RM268 per night, with no breakfast, no swimming pool but WIFI was available. Yes! To MY delight, the suite was in great shape, very nice and cosy, I was impressed. I slept like a baby that night. Thank God.

Next morning, such a glorious morning it was. After finishing breakfast of 2 pieces of Tosai and a Roti Canai (I know it was a bit too much for a woman whose metabolism is going at a snails' pace). Everything was set, packed up all the stuff, even took a few minutes to leave some comments on my FB..good to know that some friends were wondering of my whereabouts..:)

So at 10:15am, we were at Tanjung Simpang Mengayau again. Subhanallah, the clear blue ocean that greets upon the long stretch of white sandy beach was a sight to behold. There were only a handful visitors at that time, some set up camps near the beach. How I envied them, even though I was a fussy pot about latrine, I do not mind camping. The last time I spent a night in a tent was last Eid dul Fitri, in the comfort of my Uci's compound. That was also my very first time cuddling with hubby in a tent. He was Tarzan and I was Jane.

We have had a whale of a time at the Tip of Borneo, under the mercy of the scorching Sun. The breeze carressed my skin so gently, I wished I could spend a night there. Perhaps these photos below could tell a wonderful tale about our visit there.


We were told of a piece of land, about 2 acres in size that is on sale at a very reasonable price. The spot also includes a private beach and a lagoon. Wow, if only we were filthy rich, I would love to have Tanjung Simpang Mengayau as my family retreat. The one in Sandakan is threatened by oil spills, and I do not like Mangrove Swamps.

What did I buy there? Hmm..I bought some sea shells, they are simply exquisite. I knew I could get those shells FOC from my mom's shells collection, but we figured we ought to get these locals some business rolling. Poor fellas, living in shanty huts perhaps with little facillities, still they looked contented with life. I bet their minds are clear of problems caused by the rat race in the city. I bet their shoulders are not burdened by debts and morgages. Instead, they should be pitiful of us for being the slaves of materialism.

We left the Tip of Borneo about two hours after that. We had coconut juice to slate our thirsts, how wonderful. Sarah was sulking at that time because her wish to swim in the crystal clear ocean was denied. I had to disappoint her for we were not familiar with the place. Besides, we were told of a school of jelly fish spotted nearby yesterday. The kids built sand castles, but I did not even set foot on the powdery sand, now I regret for not taking the chance to at least stroll along the beach. Should have taken some photos there too. Maybe in my next visit, I know I will come back to claim my land there "veni, vidi, vici", I told my hubby, he said, "..typical Semenanjung, let Sabahan natives have their own land la...". That was a political statement he has made, an elaboration on it might cause us trouble, so let us leave it as it is.

____________________________________

Part II: The Visit to the Rungus Longhouse and the highland of Kudansang.

So What if I'm Stupid?

"As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you."
Moriteru Ueshiba, founder of Aikido

Yesterday Sarah greeted me with tears in her eyes. In the car, she showed me a piece of paper, crumpled by the clutch of her dainty hand. There were scribbles of names on it, those were familiar names to me as so many times has she shared with me the daily happenings in school. Then, something caught my attention. At the bottom of the list, there was Pn. M's name, I knew Pn. M is one of Sarah's teachers.

"Mummy, these are the bad people in my class", Sarah said in between sobs.

"What's wrong, sayang?"

"A boy found a book under a classmate's desk. That was the book reported missing from the class' Library Box, then everybody started accusing me for taking the book", she said.

I was puzzled with her story, perhaps she was so consumed with anger and frustration that she too, was fuzzy with what actually happened.

Nevertheless, she proceeded. "Then when the teacher saw the book, she too started to call me a thief, she said I am 'panjang tangan'. Mummy, I did read the book but I did not take it. I returned it under the desk where I took it from. Now they accused me of being a thief. I am not a thief, mummy". Her sobs intensified.

Sarah is having her mid-term examination now. One of the reasons for my resignation from my job was actually to spend more time with her and Adam. You see, both of them are not in the best classes in school. In fact, both are in the last ones. At primary 2, Adam is still struggling to read and do Maths. Sarah is improving gradually. Slowly but surely, I hope.

They simply hate school. There are always unpleasant stories to tell about school, how one classmate simply broke Adam's newly bought coloured pencils into half, how some girls called Sarah 'amoi' or some other nasty names and also how a teacher pinched Sarah on the tummy for being mischievous.

I would listen to their stories in anticipation, I hope none of it would shatter the self-esteem already wobbly in them.

In spite of this, I could still tolerate all this mumbo jumbos as I believe these are parts and parcel of growing up. But, to have a teacher unceremoniously calling my child a thief in the presence of her peers was totally uncalled for. Thus, I decided to confront the Senior Assistants of the school. I demanded for an explanation from the school why such things must occur in a so-called good school. I wanted to know why must a young child endure such accusation from a teacher who spends more time with her while in school.

I know Sarah is one of the so many students the teacher has, and that my girl is probably one of those who do not preform well academically. Still, being a teacher, a rational and wise one, she should have never resorted to name calling like this.

The Senior Assistant for Students' Affairs was briefed of the whole affair by the teacher via phone. It seemed that the actual culprit had already been identified. Sarah was not guilty. So, I should be heading home happy now.

But that was not the case.

Firmly, I told the Madam that I was not trying to clear my daughter's name. If she was found guilty, then punish her accordingly. But what really upset me was when nasty names were thrown to my girl BEFORE she was even proven guilty. I understand how stressful it is being in this noble but strenuous profession, still a teacher must remain cool but wise when dealing with the students. I do not mind if a teacher scolds any of my kids, but please, never degreade their self-esteem and dignity especially before their peers. What is a person without his self-esteem? I believe I have to start building my kids' characters now, I am trying my best, so it is not fair for someone to just destroy it.

I believe I have made my point clear, for the Senior Assistant apologized on behalf of the teacher. I hope she would mention this during the monthly teachers' meeting. This is because I have observed that there are a number of teachers in the school who resort to name calling like this.

This is a total disgrace to the teaching profession. Why can't they be polite? Where are the good values that they have inculcated in the children? Didn't the teachers know when the kids come home, they would dramatize all the nasty things took place in school?

I am no traitor to this profession. I am just a disappointed parent who is very concern of my kids' wellbeing. I also hope no child in this world would have to endure such mental torture from adults who have been entrusted to nurture them, that includes parents and other family members too.

From my observation, our 'sopan santun' society is on the reverse mode as far as good values are concern. I am no Angel, but I will try my best not to hurt those around me, even though they are strangers. I am frustrated when one turns to nasty name calling during heated arguments. Why must we attack the personality of our adversary when the cause of the crisis is on some other issues? I wonder what sort of satisfaction one obtains from calling others bad names. So what if your opponent is stupid or selfish or insensitive, are you any better? If you are so perfect, then why could not you try to understand that God has created mankind with differences so that we would try to get to know and understand each other better (a point taken from the Holy Qur'an).

Just last night, in the heat of a 'debate' with my significant other, he exclaimed, "it is difficult to talk to someone who is stupid in budo (the Japanese Samurai code of conduct)", well I was not sure if he refered that to me alone as at that time we were also discussing on a group of our mutual friends too. Apparently he was unhappy about something but lacked the guts to voice them out to others, so I had to become his so-called 'punching bag'. Figuratively speaking.

Indeed, I am no expert in budo and I do not feel like an ass for not being interested in knowing about it too. I do not need a set of foreign rules to govern my life anyway. I could have opted to explode in anger due to his words, I could have resorted to personal attacks too. But he is NOT my teacher. If the guy has limitations in containing his anger or whatever evil feelings he has within, I do not want to give 'it' back to him. What is the point in succumbing yourself to a 'deformity' such as this? Technically speaking.

I trust in a fit of anger or frustration, one would turn to be animalistic. I, as the 'victim' of such impertinence must remain composed, for that will actually win over the whole arguement. I am not a submissive person. I am just not bothered by others' lack of good manners. People with different view and opinions about life react differently to things around them. One can be a motivational speaker, a diplomat, a teacher or a homemaker- all have a unique way of reacting to the events in their life.

I believe all the world's conflicts and crisis (especially in the marriage institution) could be solved if at least one party plays the sage when a conflict arises. It is good to just look at things in a different perspective before you respond to personality attacks like this. I understand it feels great to throw back those nasty words to your opponent and perhaps one feels superior too for calling others with nasty names. Malays would put this as "puas hati, I dah bantai dia balik". But then, is that what we are seeking for in this life, that is to satisfy our egoistic urge at the expense of others' grievances?

How lonely this heart will be if it is filled with the negativity of others. How are we going to embark on our journey to self-discovery if we ourselves are unable to contain the devilish side of us?

Good character building starts young. My kids might not be the most intelligent ones in school, but I trust they are worthy. I want them to be humans with that small portion of divinity that God has confered upon us. I want them to be kind to others not only by giving alms in material wealth, but in words and actions too. I want them to do me proud by upholding the good values, be it in public or in their private lives, no double standards. My children's conduct reflects my character. So, I have to start now, for my days are numbered.

The Plight of a Soon to be Desperate Housewife

Such a dramatic weekend it had been. I succumbed myself to virtual chatting, shopped for more books (bought 5 classics), felt desperately in need to go somewhere where the Sun don't shine, went groccery shopping but forgot to buy rice and eggs, duh! so we had to spend the rest of the Sunday practically 'riceless' and of course, again, I gave myself in for another long hours of online chatting. Yeah, you can say that last weekend, basically I did nothing productive.

Hey wait, I believe I have produced a new set of dark rings under my eyes. So much for staying up till late!

So, last night I decided to retire to bed earlier than usual, I think it was about at 12.03am.

But then later, a strange scent robbed me of my peaceful slumber. I startled and saw hubby was standing at the foot of the bed. The fragrance of other woman was clinging on him.

"Oh hi, you are back. What's with this smell?", said I drowsingly. I knew that was not a proper way to welcome your significant other, especially after a few days of being abroad. Well, could not help it, I was just curious.

"Oh..I was testing on some perfumes at the airport. I bought one for you."

Instantly, I gauged the period of the journey, the distance and all other possibilities. Hmm..Brunei is less than five hours' journey, so there was a possibilty that the frangrance could still linger around him, anyway, I saw the strips of testers in his passport on the dresser.

Satisfied.

"OK, thanks, dear", then I went back to sleep. A woman could be half asleep, but when this kind of doubt pops up, she needs to be swift in looking for the bits to complete the puzzle.

I woke up feeling refreshed, ahh.. at last I had him in my arms, all to myself, the kids were sleeping in their rooms, or else they will be sharing the bed with us.

I remembered the new perfume he bought for me, hmm..not the one I requested, though, still I am thankful. Tested it on my wrist, I wondered why I could spray it on me effortlessly, I mean one needs to press on the nozzle of a brand new bottle of perfume a few times before the frangrance is sprayed on you. That has been scientifically studied, it is not an old housewives' tale. Well, saw the plastic wrapper has been tampered on. As if he could read my mind, willingly he explained that he had it checked before purchasing. Alright, quality control cleared.

Due to my decision to surrender to non-productivity over the weekends, I had to iron his shirt this morning. I knew he did not appreciate this, for he was in a hurry to leave for work. Realising it was my fault, I tried to cover up by declaring, "Sayang, I was not sure of the colour you are going to wear for today, please pick your choice, I will have it ready in a jiffy", I punctuated it with the loveliest fresh-from-the-slumber smile that any woman could give.

At that instant actually, I was holding his white easy-to-iron shirt in my hand. He saw the cue, so he replied, "White". Obviously he would choose that, he wears white every Monday anyway. I was just playing dump as I was feeling guilty for my laziness during the weekends.

I had a medium sized bar of dark chocolate for breakfast just now. Well, that was the desert, I stuffed myself with two bowls of fried vermicelli before that. It was yesterday's dinner actually, I had it reheated. Perhaps the only healthy thing I consumed this morning was a big mug of warm weak Japanese tea. I love tea. I will start a collection of various types of tea leaves one day in near future. KIV.

Well, here I am typing this story of me being a bum. Sorry, I took away your precious time reading this. Perhaps it is one of them days when I simply prefer to do nothing at all. Just chilling at home. Pondering. Contemplating. (Yawn..)

Guess, I better take a break from the virtual world for some time. I haven't a clue anything good to write on. I do not want to bore you with the same old story about my unresolved quarter life crises. Dah tak de modal dah ni.

Folks, I am taking a break. I need to do a lot of readings. The newly bought books are waiting for me to do justice to them. I will try to abstain myself from the Net for some period of time, see how it goes, hopefully I would be able to do some soul searching without the influence of the 'virtual happiness'.

This is the plight of a soon to be desperate housewife. Just need to find myself before it is too late. I will come back to blogsphere when I have better things to share with the rest of you..:)

So God bless everybody, take care..I'm out.