So What if I'm Stupid?

"As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you."
Moriteru Ueshiba, founder of Aikido

Yesterday Sarah greeted me with tears in her eyes. In the car, she showed me a piece of paper, crumpled by the clutch of her dainty hand. There were scribbles of names on it, those were familiar names to me as so many times has she shared with me the daily happenings in school. Then, something caught my attention. At the bottom of the list, there was Pn. M's name, I knew Pn. M is one of Sarah's teachers.

"Mummy, these are the bad people in my class", Sarah said in between sobs.

"What's wrong, sayang?"

"A boy found a book under a classmate's desk. That was the book reported missing from the class' Library Box, then everybody started accusing me for taking the book", she said.

I was puzzled with her story, perhaps she was so consumed with anger and frustration that she too, was fuzzy with what actually happened.

Nevertheless, she proceeded. "Then when the teacher saw the book, she too started to call me a thief, she said I am 'panjang tangan'. Mummy, I did read the book but I did not take it. I returned it under the desk where I took it from. Now they accused me of being a thief. I am not a thief, mummy". Her sobs intensified.

Sarah is having her mid-term examination now. One of the reasons for my resignation from my job was actually to spend more time with her and Adam. You see, both of them are not in the best classes in school. In fact, both are in the last ones. At primary 2, Adam is still struggling to read and do Maths. Sarah is improving gradually. Slowly but surely, I hope.

They simply hate school. There are always unpleasant stories to tell about school, how one classmate simply broke Adam's newly bought coloured pencils into half, how some girls called Sarah 'amoi' or some other nasty names and also how a teacher pinched Sarah on the tummy for being mischievous.

I would listen to their stories in anticipation, I hope none of it would shatter the self-esteem already wobbly in them.

In spite of this, I could still tolerate all this mumbo jumbos as I believe these are parts and parcel of growing up. But, to have a teacher unceremoniously calling my child a thief in the presence of her peers was totally uncalled for. Thus, I decided to confront the Senior Assistants of the school. I demanded for an explanation from the school why such things must occur in a so-called good school. I wanted to know why must a young child endure such accusation from a teacher who spends more time with her while in school.

I know Sarah is one of the so many students the teacher has, and that my girl is probably one of those who do not preform well academically. Still, being a teacher, a rational and wise one, she should have never resorted to name calling like this.

The Senior Assistant for Students' Affairs was briefed of the whole affair by the teacher via phone. It seemed that the actual culprit had already been identified. Sarah was not guilty. So, I should be heading home happy now.

But that was not the case.

Firmly, I told the Madam that I was not trying to clear my daughter's name. If she was found guilty, then punish her accordingly. But what really upset me was when nasty names were thrown to my girl BEFORE she was even proven guilty. I understand how stressful it is being in this noble but strenuous profession, still a teacher must remain cool but wise when dealing with the students. I do not mind if a teacher scolds any of my kids, but please, never degreade their self-esteem and dignity especially before their peers. What is a person without his self-esteem? I believe I have to start building my kids' characters now, I am trying my best, so it is not fair for someone to just destroy it.

I believe I have made my point clear, for the Senior Assistant apologized on behalf of the teacher. I hope she would mention this during the monthly teachers' meeting. This is because I have observed that there are a number of teachers in the school who resort to name calling like this.

This is a total disgrace to the teaching profession. Why can't they be polite? Where are the good values that they have inculcated in the children? Didn't the teachers know when the kids come home, they would dramatize all the nasty things took place in school?

I am no traitor to this profession. I am just a disappointed parent who is very concern of my kids' wellbeing. I also hope no child in this world would have to endure such mental torture from adults who have been entrusted to nurture them, that includes parents and other family members too.

From my observation, our 'sopan santun' society is on the reverse mode as far as good values are concern. I am no Angel, but I will try my best not to hurt those around me, even though they are strangers. I am frustrated when one turns to nasty name calling during heated arguments. Why must we attack the personality of our adversary when the cause of the crisis is on some other issues? I wonder what sort of satisfaction one obtains from calling others bad names. So what if your opponent is stupid or selfish or insensitive, are you any better? If you are so perfect, then why could not you try to understand that God has created mankind with differences so that we would try to get to know and understand each other better (a point taken from the Holy Qur'an).

Just last night, in the heat of a 'debate' with my significant other, he exclaimed, "it is difficult to talk to someone who is stupid in budo (the Japanese Samurai code of conduct)", well I was not sure if he refered that to me alone as at that time we were also discussing on a group of our mutual friends too. Apparently he was unhappy about something but lacked the guts to voice them out to others, so I had to become his so-called 'punching bag'. Figuratively speaking.

Indeed, I am no expert in budo and I do not feel like an ass for not being interested in knowing about it too. I do not need a set of foreign rules to govern my life anyway. I could have opted to explode in anger due to his words, I could have resorted to personal attacks too. But he is NOT my teacher. If the guy has limitations in containing his anger or whatever evil feelings he has within, I do not want to give 'it' back to him. What is the point in succumbing yourself to a 'deformity' such as this? Technically speaking.

I trust in a fit of anger or frustration, one would turn to be animalistic. I, as the 'victim' of such impertinence must remain composed, for that will actually win over the whole arguement. I am not a submissive person. I am just not bothered by others' lack of good manners. People with different view and opinions about life react differently to things around them. One can be a motivational speaker, a diplomat, a teacher or a homemaker- all have a unique way of reacting to the events in their life.

I believe all the world's conflicts and crisis (especially in the marriage institution) could be solved if at least one party plays the sage when a conflict arises. It is good to just look at things in a different perspective before you respond to personality attacks like this. I understand it feels great to throw back those nasty words to your opponent and perhaps one feels superior too for calling others with nasty names. Malays would put this as "puas hati, I dah bantai dia balik". But then, is that what we are seeking for in this life, that is to satisfy our egoistic urge at the expense of others' grievances?

How lonely this heart will be if it is filled with the negativity of others. How are we going to embark on our journey to self-discovery if we ourselves are unable to contain the devilish side of us?

Good character building starts young. My kids might not be the most intelligent ones in school, but I trust they are worthy. I want them to be humans with that small portion of divinity that God has confered upon us. I want them to be kind to others not only by giving alms in material wealth, but in words and actions too. I want them to do me proud by upholding the good values, be it in public or in their private lives, no double standards. My children's conduct reflects my character. So, I have to start now, for my days are numbered.