Help Desk for Marriage

A friend complained to me that his marriage has turned sour. He seems to put the blame on his wife, calling her a boring queen control mama. Yeah, I can be a shoulder to cry on, but I am not interested in hearing a man talking ill about another woman, especially about his wife and the mother to his kids!

Luckily, I came across this e-mail from a girlfriend, who has been very generous sharing some jokes and cartoons on life with me.

Life is a big book of interesting but heart-wrenching adventures, but too bad there is no accurate manual of instructions on how to solve all the ills in life. But then, to think of it again, there IS such manual, it is just many have forgotten about it. I believe life would be right on track if one just sticks to the Holy Qur'an or perhaps the Bible. Then again, to err is human.

Happy reading, I hope this would tickle your heart..

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

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REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

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Valentine's Blues

Love is in the air. But I am sleeping alone tonight. When almost everyone is busy making preparations for the Valentine's Day tomorrow, I am sitting here all by myself, figuring out the subject matter for my writing here.

Where are the others? You might be wondering. Well, they are here at home with me. Just now, about 20 minutes ago, there was a commotion coming from my room, I heard laughter and all. I could visualize my hubby doing acrobatics with the kids (minus Didi as she is still small). I could also picture the degree of mess they have caused to my bed. I should have listened to my hubby, never spread white or off white bedsheets on the bed, no matter how much I love the feel of crisp cotton white sheets caressing my skin.

The bed canopy too, I should have abandoned the idea as now it has tilted to one side. Nothing much I could do now as the bed, that used to be the love nest has become the playground or perhaps the trampoline for the kids..and their father too.

Suddenly, there was silence. No more strings of laughter coming from the room. I wondered what were they up to. I had to go and check.

The scene is predictable. I have seen it so many times. Yes, the canopy has ceased to be the decor to the bed. It is more like a dangling ugly piece of white sheet stuck to the turkish tile turquoise feature wall.

The off white laced duvet was sprawling on the floor.

The pillows were naked, I wondered where were the cases, under the bed, as usual.

I was pretty upset to see this. Then my eyes caught sight of something that no words could ever describe.

How do you describe the rupture of joy and love seeing your loved ones in slumber in each others' arms (and legs?). There they were, all four of them, packed up like a can of sardines, on the bed which I was suppose to keep warm on the eve of Valentine's Day. Well, I will have to sleep in my daughter's room tonight. I might be sleeping alone, but I am sure the core of my life, my love is just in the next room.

Sweet dreams my love. Everyday is a Valentine's Day.

Nagging Mama (am I sick?)

The kids tengah main tarik truck..tu tengoh duduk atas my hubby's pillow tu, as I punya depa tak berani kacau

I tak suka bising-bising pepagi, but I simply cannot help it. Last night, I retired to bed earlier than usual, so hubby and the kids were left surfing the Net. I am usually the last to bed but the first to get up. But semalam I was mentally exhausted (due to work and tak pasal-pasal kena marah dek ada orang ni yang ingat I buat-buat cerita!), so I went to sleep rather early. It is my habit to inspect that everything is OK and put everything in order before going to bed, but as I was in a state of half dead last night, I pejam mata je and terus tidur. (Hate to see the house in a mess when I wake up).

So bila I bangun pagi ni, I dah expect la the mess...Mak oii, menyirap darah tengok! Rupa-rupanya bapak and the kids stayed up entah sampai pukul berapa, kira joli katak la watching youtube sambil makan dan minum. Now, I tak marah kalau nak menjamu selera, tapi jangan la berhamburan (kata orang Sabah) sana-sini. I benci nak bising-bising berleter pepagi ni, but I cannot help it la sebab dah banyak kali bagitau. Yes, we have the maid to clean up, but kesian la kat dia.

I tengok lately ni my house macam tak terurus, yeah, things are clean, but I tak puas hati la, jenuh la i dok train my kids makan elok-elok kat dining table, jangan berjalan-jalan, tapi lately I tengok everything has gone haywire. I am no superwoman nak pegi kemas hari-hari and how much can you expect from the maid? I think I la pompuan paling bising pagi tadi, geram tau..time I tengah mengomel, tetiba Adam took out a starfruit from the fridge and started to slice it using a sharp knife..ON MY BRAND NEW WHITE KITCHEN COUNTER! Astagfirullah...berapa kali nak cakap, jangan buat macam tu.

My hubby cakap kekadang I bising macam my Uci, maybe kurang sikit la, so he generalized semua pompuan Rawa mulut bising. So I told him, kalau nak wife diam je tak bising, pegi carik yang bisu! I wonder if other concerned mothers out there berleter at home, so far I belum jumpa lagi a mother who remains demure and patient when her house is in a mess.

I rasa kat condo I ni suara I la yang paling audible, firstly because I am a teacher, hence loud, secondly selalu nag. I cannot help it la. Pernah dulu I try dok diam je saja tgk akai my kids bersiap pegi sekolah, dah pulak my hubby bising. Orang lelaki kalau dia marah buruk bunyinya, punya la kasaq, especially bila dia guna bahasa Sandakan nya.

I am working, dah pulak tu 7.20am dah kena clock in, umah 8km je from school, tapi traffic jam dia punya la dasyat. I leave home at 6.35am and arrive school at 7.22am, and 7.21am dah merah on the punch card. Honestly, semanjak start sekolah ni baru 3 kali I awal...tension ke tak? You cannot expect me to leave the house at 6.20am, sapa nak supervise my kids? What much can a father does? Karang kena aikido my kids dek bapak dia pepagi, as dia pun blood senang go upstairs! My kids ni lain sikit, Adam especially, bila mandi kena tanya gosok gigi ke tak, dah sabun seluruh badan ke, sikat rambut biar kemas..semalam dia pegi sekolah pakai singlet terbalik. Sarah pulak, kalau you tak observe, pakai kasut pun terbalik. Tension ke tak?

Kalau la I mati besok, macam mana la bebudak ni? Masa I pegi Japan 8 hari pun, my hubby took care of the boys only, the girls dok dgn my mom as the maid balik kampung. So Alhamdulillah bila I balik umah tak le macam tongkang pecah.

Ni keje sekolah bertimbun lagi ni, Thursday ni nak kena observe pulak. Keja umah pun banyak ni, kena tutor the kids lagi. Luckily ada cuti Thaipusam, so long weekend, if I keje on Saturday, I've only Sunday to rest and settle housechores..I simply cannot wait for 15 April 2009.

In the pic: The fate of the truck, a birthday gift for my youngest brother from my mom, back in 1993. Dapat kat my kids, truck beli kat ceruk dunia mana pun hancur. Ben is striking a pose on the beheaded toy.

When the Heart Blunders..

My heart has been guilty of wandering around the forbidden meadow next door. I had a limb beyond the boundary of innocence, just contemplating on my next move to the Great Ruin. Luckily I hesitated to charge beyond the line, or else I'll be damned till infinity.

I am greatful to the Almighty for giving me the sign, I have been a fool, actually worst than a fool for I have turned my cheeks away from the caring words of friends. Thank you friends and strangers for caring to share your wisdom to keep me sane. I have grown stronger, hopefully wiser, to shield my vulnerable soul from temptations.

Now, I am back in the circle of love and trust. I shall take shelter here forever. This heart will never again attempt to venture beyond. I am not a blundering fool.

TEMPLE

...I am your temple...