Something Is Growing Inside of Me...

No..not another baby, ok.

Since months ago, I have been having this throbbing feeling on the left side of my womb. I have been ignoring it as it was not that painful. But lately (since a few days ago), the pain seems to increase, I could not stand straight as I was doing my shopping today. I wish to know what the dickens it is, but I simply do not have the guts to consult a gynea.

Am I sick? Am I dying? I hope it is nothing. I might be a rather confident person but when it comes to my health, I prefer to live in denial. I do not want anyone to diagnose any of my illnesses as I do not want to be lying down on my death bed, wondering how to bid farewell to my loved ones. I still have lots of goals to be accomplished in my life. Above all, my kids are still so young, they still need me. I cannot and do not want to be sick. No way!

I had a cousin who died of ovarian cancer at the age of 27. God, I really miss her. Sometimes (lately) I dream of her. I bet she is in the Jannah now, for she lived her worldly life as a talented, genious, good-hearted and cheerful person. I miss you, Nyah Titi.

I am not able to gather my strength to consult a doctor. I do not want to know what is wrong with me. My babies still need me. But if the time has come for me to go, I'll go..but not now, please. My journey is still miles before I sleep..