In the closet

No..no I am not talking about myself. But a few nights ago I believe I heard someone crying in the dark. No, it was not me, as I usually do my crying silently within.

In between the sobs I could hear a muffled speech. Yes, I was eaves dropping for I wanted to know what went wrong. I believe I knew what was it all about, I could gather the clues even by listening to the faintest conversation exchanged.

It was the maid. Perhaps she has had a tough time talking to her beau. I could judge from the very short intervals between the sobs, she was dealing with something so intense, perhaps something that bruised her tender heart.

I figured she wanted to scream and shout just to state her point, but what could she do, she definite did not want to make a scene. But I know where she was that night. The usual spot for crying her heart out. In the closet of her room.

Breaking up is never easy for women. I do not know about guys, perhaps they do not get hurt that much. For they have their pride and ego to shield the pain. Well, I might be wrong. I should have not generalize things like that, though have spoken to men who were devastated due to failed relationships, still in general they did not succumb themselves to sadness.

The things we do to face break ups. What did I do? Yes, I cried on the phone, in the shower, in my sleep. In fact had no strength to even look at his picture. It was more hurting when the other party gave you the silent treatment. I have always wondered how two people who had been in love opted not to talk to each other. So no more friends because the spark has died out?

I told my maid to move on. Just do not expect too much from the guy. If an attempt was made to start a casual conversation but was turned down unceremoniously, then heck it. He ain't worth it. Perhaps he had a valid reason for keeping mum, but I believe it is very impolite to simply ignore someone who has been apart of you, no matter how much pain you are enduring.

I wonder why some people are simply not forgiving. You demand explanation from others, but then you fail to give others the chance to be heard. I explained to the maid that this was just part and parcel of being in love. Love is bitter sweet. It feels like you are being ramped by a bus and then later ran down by a cho cho train. Still, you make yourself susceptible to it. Why? Because love makes you high, worst than what opium can do to you.

Well, that was what I told my maid. Frankly, I do not know how I would have reacted if it was my daughter who was crying in the darkness of the closet. Would I tell her to ignore the pain because love makes you a true woman? Perhaps I will have a different set of explanation for her. Maybe I should share with her the tale of my heartaches. Nah, mine is pretty tragic.

This is not my story, I did not do my crying in the closet. But as for the rest shared above, I could only wish it was not mine.

True Love

Dear Friends,

I have been rereading "Chicken Soup for the Soul", thought I should share this story with you. This is a heart warming story written by Barry and Joyce Vissell.
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Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of a well-known German composer, was far from being handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback.

One day he visited a merchant in Hamburg who had a lovely daughter named Frumtje. Moses fell hopelessly in love with her. But Frumtje was repulsed by his misshapen appearance.

The picture above: Felix Mendelssohn

When it came the time for him to leave, Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. After several attempts at conversation, Moses shyly asked, "Do you believe marriages are made in heaven?"

"Yes," she answered, still looking at the floor. "And do you?"

"Yes I do," he replied. "You see, in heaven at birth of each boy, the Lord announces which girl he will marry. When I was born, my future bride was pointed out to me. Then the Lord added, "But your wife will be humpbacked."

"Right then and there I called out, 'Oh Lord, a humpbacked woman would be a tragedy. Please, Lord, give me the hump and let her be beautiful.'"

Then Frumtje looked up into his eyes and was stirred by some deep memory. She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.

_____________________

There is that one moment in our life time that stirs our hearts to open up and embrace love. Some search high and low for true love, but there are also those who just wait for it to greet them. How do we tell if a love is true. Must one endure pain and sorrow to taste the sweetness of love?

For those who have found your match, can you still sense the magic when your beloved professed his/ her feelings? Could you still feel the chills running down your spine? How did you know that he/ she is the one?

I know mine. I could still feel the magic sometimes, especially during lonely nights like this. Will the magic ever fade with the passing of time?

I haven't a clue, for I am a woman who is forgetful at times. So, please come home love.

A Tribute to Mama

"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding"


I was working on an important paper at work today when suddenly I received a call from my daughter's school. Sarah was on the line complaining about her being feverish. She added that she has been coughing and vomitting. Oh yes, her head was spinning too. Then, with her ever so sweet childish voice she whimpered, "Mummy, can I go home and rest?". At that moment, anger almost consumed me. You see, my full concentration on this piece of work which I have been procrastinating to complete, was shattered by that call. The deadline is tomorrow noon and I am in deep trouble. So blankly, I told Sarah to go to the sick bay and rest, as Mummy is very busy at work. Besides, I was waiting for my lesson periods with the Form Sixers. We are going to do something fun during class today.

Then I requested to speak to the teacher in charge. As I was talking to the teacher, I heard my baby girl in a coughing fit on the background. I paused. Hell, what have I done? My baby just S.O.Sed me and I declined to take heed? How cold hearted I could be to my own daughter! My Mama was never like this, even though she was hundred times busier than I am now. She might have been thousands of miles away from me, but she would never decline if I needed help or attention.

As I was driving to fetch Sarah from school, the thought of my Mama was with me....(Mariah Carey's latest hit, Bye Bye was on the background)..

Dear Mama, I was exactly Sarah's age when I used to call you several times complaining about my headache, runny nose and sore throat. Then you would never fail to pick me up at school immediately you received my calls. The truth is Mama, I was not really sick. I just needed to be at home as school was so disappointing. I know you know the motive of my false calls, but you have never disappointed me. Instead, it was I who's always make you down. I know you have had a bumpy ride in your endeavours making me who I am now.

Those heart wrenching arguements and unnecessary worries that I have caused you. Still your love for me never tarnishes. Indeed it is true that a father may turn his back on his child; brothers and sisters may become enemies; husbands may desert their wives and wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all; in good repute, in bad repute, in the face of the world's condemnation, a mother still loves on, and still hopes that her child may turn from his evil ways, and repent; still she remembers the infant smiles that once filled her bosom with rapture, the merry laugh, the joyful shout of his childhood, the opening promise of his youth; and she can never be brought to think him all unworthy. I am a mother like you now, I understand the pains and joys of motherhood. I am still learning about life, you know I always learn the hard way. I appreciate your strenght and unconditional love..Maramin Salamat, Ginquye Barzo, Terima Kasih Mama..

Sarah is standing next to me now. Pleading me to let her go skating with friends in the yard. I said I thought she is not well. She gigled childishly and announced, "It was just a runny nose because I felt chill in the classroom as the fan was spinning at top speed..". Indeed, she learns from the best, I am her Mummy.

Sleeplessly in Love

Goodness..it is almost 2 a.m and I still cannot sleep. For no obvious reasons, nowadays sleeping seems to be difficult for me to do. I have lots of things on my mind, I have been doing lots of thinking..about the past, present and future. I cherish my past, rather confuse with my present, thus my future seems blurry. During the sleepless nights I have been tossing and turning trying to get some sleep, but my mind seems to keep on running..and running..and running.

I envy my hubby who has no problem dozing off. For so many nights I have been staring at his face in the darkness of our love nest, wondering if he is dreaming of me. I love this man with all my heart, I am truly grateful to him. How I wish I could peacefully be in slumber too and dream of him, being deeply in love with me.

What is love? Is it something that is only achieved through so much pain? Can it last for ever? Will it fade away as time goes by? Can one be out of love? Can one leave without it?

I have read somewhere, before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves, but after that it becomes a different story. I wonder why is it so? This requires an explaination on the true manifestation of love after the honeymoon is over. I was told love alone cannot cement a marriage. At this phase, respect and trust become the main ingredients for a happy marriage. Yeah, but what about passion? Where has the passion gone after all these years? The big question is that how to remain passionately in love with your partner after going through so many ups and downs together? Can we say familiarity between spouses weeds out passion? Can a marriage survive with only respect and trust but no passion? Everything has become numb.

Gosh..I am still not sleepy..I still have so many things on my mind but simply do not know how to weave them into words. Anyway, who would ever want to listen me. Other women are busy solving their problems with their men and other men are busy causing problems to their women. Still life goes on for me. Just hold on girl..every cloud has a silver lining. Better pretend to sleep now, don't want to have dark circles or crow's feet under my eyes.