What is On My Mind?

Dear Hubby,

Thank you for spending some of your precious time with me. You know, for the past few months, I have been troubled with doubtful thoughts of us. I thought we have lost the magic we used to share almost a decade ago.

My mind is never tardy searching for an answer to the lacklustre performance in our nuptial bliss. You know, familiarity could diminish the magic between couples in love. Are we still in love, anyway? :)

Dear Hubby,

Sometimes the Devil gets the better of me. He whispered to me words that caused me to be doubtful of us. When things turn sour between us, sometimes, I will cry the tears of a defeated soul. Yes, I have never told you this before, for I have now, acquired the skills of a successfully married woman, that is to endure the pain resulted from her other half's insensitivity. Now, I am not going to explain THAT to you, for you would not understand something which you were not born with.. :)

Dear Hubby,

You are what the sisterhood call as 'a bit rough around the edges', not the kind of man I was looking for. You never promised me a fairytale-like life, a happy forever and ever kind of life together. You used to try to explain to me your 'kampung' childhood, a kind of life that I am not familiar with. Hey, when you started to talk about your cattle back home and the rolling hills of Sandakan, I never imagined myself being that woman who would wave lovingly at you as you leave our picket fenced home. No, I will not milk any of the cows for you!

Dear Hubby,

I think I know why I was attracted to you. It was that old worn out belt that you used to wear, Yeah, the one which was given by your late uncle almost 20 years ago. I always thought I would be attracted to gentlemen in suits with shiny pair of shoes on, but hell no..unconsciously I was more driven to you. And that not so expensive cologne you used to splash on you, it did give me nice dreams!

Dear Hubby,

I have always wanted a man who could sing like Anuar Zain (Note to dear readers: he is featured here singing the first two songs). I was looking for a man who could sing to me while on bended knees, you know how I tend to 'merajuk' rather often. But dear hubby, you cannot seem to croon an agreeable tune. But thank God you can play the guitar. That has been one of the upmost requirement for a guy to be with me. This is because I love singing.

Talking about the guitar and singing, I can say tonight had been a meaningful experience for me. I am glad that I made the effort to retrieve your BIG GREEN BOOK of guitar cords from the darkness of our closet. I understand that you have compiled the guitar tabs of your favourite songs in this book. You have had it since you were in your first year in the University, hmm..wonder what was I up to at that time?

I cannot say that your choice of love songs fit my taste. Oh yes, perhaps I should tell you now, that I never liked the song you dedicated to me about 9 years ago. No, darling, even though I cried when watching The Titanic, I never liked "My Life Will Go On" to be our lurvy-durvy theme song. I was hoping you would sing to me Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" or After 7's "Ready or Not", well I know, those songs are just not you. Yeah, I know you are not happy with the lyrics.

Oh yes, about tonight, hey thanks a million, honey. I really enjoyed it. I could still recall, years ago, we used to sing to your selection of corny love tunes till we were so intoxicated with passion, hence, the four kids..:)

Dear Hubby,

As I am writing this, you are already asleep with the guitar in your arms. Yes, I do find a man who strums on his guitar while lying down is sexy, perhaps it is a come on sign from you, but why did you have to go to sleep so soon?

Benjamin sleeping under his bapak's arm

Now, I have to find a space to squeeze in on the bed for the boys are all over you already. Ben has occupied my favourite spot, that is sleeping on your right arm, while Adam is at your left foot. Luckily Sarah has gone to sleep else where while playing with her make believe hospital bed.

Adam sleeping at his bapak's foot

Dear Hubby,

I used to have doubts as I thought we have lost the spark between us. I should not expect too much from you, as you have never promised me the world before this. A simple and happy life is what I am looking for (plus the monthly stay at home allowance you pledge to give me).

Sleep tight, darling!

Yours Truly,

JADE GARDEN